•Take  That  from  Your  Little  Hennery." 


Peek's  Bad  Boy 
in  an  Airship 

By  Hon.  Geo.  W.  Peck 

Author  of  Peck  's  Bad  Boy,   Peck 's  Bad  Boy  A  broad,    Peck's  Bad  Boy 
With  the  Circus,   Peck's  gad  &oy  With  the  Cowboys,  Etc. 


'LT 


Humorous   and  Interesting 

M  swry  relating  the  Adventures  of  Peck's  Bad  Boy  and  His 
Pa  who  are  sent  to  Europe  to  investigate  airships  wiih  an  idea  of 
using  them  in  the  United  States  Navy.  Tells  of  their  adventures 
in  Europe  also  in  South  Africa  where  the  airship  is  used  in 
hunting  wild  animals. 


Illustrated  by  Charles  Lederer 

Celebrated  Illustrator   and  Cartoonist 


CHICAGO 


PUBLISHERS 


Copyright.    1908 
By  W.  G.  CHAPMAN 

Copyright.  1908 
By  THOMPSON  &  THOMAS 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 

The  Bad  Boy  Wants  to  Be  an  Orphan— The  Bad  Boy  Goes 
to  an  Orphan  Asylum — The  Government  Gives  the 
Bad  Boy's  Pa  an  Appointment  to  Travel  Over  the  World 
and  Get  Information  About  Airships,  Dirigible  Balloons 
and  Everything  to  Help  Our  Government  Know  What 
Other  Governments  are  Doing  in  Case  of  War 15 

CHAPTER  II. 

No  Encouragement  for  Inventive  Genius  in  Orphan  Home 
— The  Boy  Uses  His  New  Invention,  a  Patent  Clothes 
Wringer,  in  Milking 28 

CHAPTER  III. 

The  Boy  Escapes  from  Orphan  Asylum — The  Boy  and  His 
Chum  Had  Red  Letter  Days — The  Boy  is  Adopted  by 
New  Friends  42 

CHAPTER  IV. 

A  Bad  Railroad  Wreck— The  Boy  Contrasts  Their  Ride  to 
One  in  a  Parlor  Car — The  Lawyer  is  the  Greatest  Man 
on  Earth— Th-  Boy  Settles  His  Claim  for  $20 55 


8  CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  XV. 

The  Idea  of  Airships  is  All  Right  in  Theory,  but  They  are 
Never  Going  to  Be  a  Reliable  Success — Pa  Drowns 
the  Lions  Out  With  Gas— The  Bad  Boy  and  His  Pa 
Capture  a  Couple  of  Lions — Pa  Moves  Camp  to  Hunt 
Gorillas  207 

CHAPTER  XVI. 

The  Boy's  Pa  Shows  Bravery  in  the  Jungles  in  Africa — 
Four  Gorillas  Chase  Pa— The  Boy  and  His  Pa  Don't 
Sleep  Much  at  Night — The  Boy  Discovers  a  Marsh  Full 
of  Wild  Buffaloes 220 

CHAPTER  XVII. 

The  Boy's  Experience  With  an  African  Buffalo — The  Boy's 
Pa  Shoots  Roman  Candles  to  Scare  the  Buffaloes — The 
Boy's  Pa  Tames  the  Wild  Animals 234 

CHAPTER  XVIII. 

The  Boy  and  His  Pa  Start  for  the  Coast  in  an  Airship- 
Pa  Saluted  the  Crowd  as  We  Passed  Over  Them— The 
Airship  Lands  Amid  a  Savage  Tribe — The  King  of 
the  Tribe  Escorts  Pa  and  the  Boy  to  the  Palace 246 

CHAPTER  XIX. 

The  Boy's  Pa  Becomes  King  over  the  Negroes — Pa  Shows  the 
Natives  How  to  Dig  Wells — Pa  Teaches  the  Natives  to 
become  Soldiers — The  Boy  Uses  a  Dozen  Nigger  Chasers 
and  Some  Roman  Candles — The  Boy,  His  Pa  and  the 
Natives  Assist  at  the  4th  of  July  Celebration. 


ILLUSTRATIONS. 


Gee,  My  Ideas  of  an  Orphan  Home  Got  a  Shock. 

The   Way    Freshmen   Do    in    College   When   They're    Being 

Murdered. 

Gosh,  But  I  Never  Had  Such  an  Excursion. 
"Am   Going  to   Have   Him   Mended   and   Keep   Him  for  a 

Souvenir,"  Said  the  Pussy  Woman. 
Grabbed  the  Balloon  Rope  and  Gave  it  a  Hitch  Around  the 

Pole. 
Any  Man  That  Lays  Hands  on  the  Government  Mail  Can 

Be  Imprisoned  for  Life  for  Treason. 

My  Lawyer  Told  Me  to  Groan  When  Anyone  Was  Present. 
Hit  the  Chief  of  Police  With  a  Bottle. 

They  Pulled  Me  Through  the  Forty- Foot  Gun  to  Swab  it  Out. 
When  it  Exploded  the  Jap  Was  the  Scaredest  Person  I  Ever 

Saw. 

The  Boss  of  the  Boat  Ordered  Me  Pulled  Out  With  a  Boat 
Hook. 

I  Am  Thy  Father's  Ghost — Come  on  in,  the  Water's  Fine. 
The  Captain  Got  Upon  a  Chair  and  Pulled  a  Revolver  and 

Was  Going  to  Shoot. 
I  Gave  Him  a   Squeeze  That  Sent  a   Shock  Through  Him 

That  Loosened  His  Teeth. 


ILLUSTRATIONS 

Pa's  Face  Was  Scratched  So  They  Sent  Him  to  the  Pest 

House. 
After  Pa  Had  Been  Ducked  in  the  Fountain  They  Charged 

for  Two  Ducks  He  Killed  by  Falling  on  Them. 
The  Fireworks  Went  Off.     The  Woman  Threw  a  Fit  and 

Pa  Raised  Out  of  the  Smoke. 
Up  She  Went  With  the  Inventor  Steering  and  Pa  Hanging 

on  for  Dear  Life. 
Pa  Gave  a  Honk  Honk  Like  an  Auto,  But  the  Lion  Wasn't 

Frightened  So  You  Would  Notice. 
When  Pa  Found  the  Snake  Coiled  Up  on  His  Blanket  He 

Threw  a  Fit. 
Looking  Him  Square  in  the  Face  I  began  to  Chant,  Ene- 

Mene-Miny-Mo. 
Pa  Astride  of  a  Zebra,  Has  Frightened  the  Elephants  [nto  a 

Stampede  by  Playing  "A  Hot  Time"  on  a  Mouth  Organ. 
I  Never  Saw  a  Giant  Negro  So  Mad  as  That  Husband  Was. 
Pa  Made  a  Lunge  and  Fell  on  Top  of  the  Little  Elephant, 

Which  Began  to  Make  a  Noise  Like  a  Baby. 
"There's   Your   Lions,    About   a   Dozen,    Captured   Down  in 

That  Hole;  Help  Yourselves,"   Said  Pa. 
"Get   in   There,   You    Measly   Cur   Dog,"   Said   Pa,  Kicking 

the  Big  Lion  at  Every  Jump. 
Pa    Stopped    the    Music   and    Repeated   an    Old    Democratic 

Speech  of  His,  and  They  Acted  Just  Like  a  Caucus. 
All  He  Had  to  Do  Was  Play  "Supper  is  Now  Ready  in  the 

Dining  Car." 
Some   of   Those  Negroes   are   Running  Yet,   and   Will,    No 

Doubt,  Come  Out  at  Cairo,  Egypt. 
Pa  Had  to  Put  His  Foot  on  Their  Necks  and  Acknowledge 

Him  Their  King  and  Protector. 


Peck's  Bad  Boy  in  an  Airship* 


CHAPTER  I. 

The  Bad  Boy  Wants  to  Be  an  Orphan— 
The  Bad  Boy  Goes  to  an  Orphan  Asylum 
— The  Government  Gives  the  Bad  Boy's 
Pa  an  Appointment  to  Travel  Over  the 
World  and  Get  Information  About  Air 
ships,  Dirigible  Balloons  and  Every 
thing  to  Help  Our  Government  Know 
What  Other  Governments  Are  Doing  in 
Case  of  War. 

I  have  always  wanted  to  be  an  orphan  and 
I  guess  now  I  have  got  my  wish. 

I  have  watched  orphans  a  whole  lot  and 
they  have  seemed  to  me  to  have  the  easiest 
job  outside  of  politics. 

To  see  a  good  mess  of  orphans  at  an 
Orphan  Asylum,  with  no  parents  to  butt  in 
and  interfere  with  your  enjoyment  has 
seemed  to  me  to  be  an  ideal  existence. 


16  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

When  a  boy  has  a  father  that  he  has  to 
watch  constantly  to  keep  him  from  going 
wrong  he  has  no  time  to  have  any  fun,  but 
to  belong  to  a  syndicate  of  orphans,  with 
an  easy  old  maid  matron  to  look  after  the 
whole  bunch,  an  individual  orphan  who  has 
ginger  in  him  can  have  the  time  of  his  young 
life.  At  least  that  is  the  way  it  has  always 
seemed  to  me. 

They  set  on  the  food  at  an  orphanage,  and 
if  you  have  a  pretty  good  reach,  you  can 
get  enough  corralled  around  your  plate  to 
keep  the  wolf  from  the  door,  and  when  it 
comes  to  clothes,  you  don't  have  to  go  to  a 
tailor,  or  a  hand  me  down  store,  and  take 
something  you  don't  want  because  it  is 
cheap,  but  you  take  any  clothes  that  are 
sent  in  by  charitable  people,  which  have 
been  worn  enough  so  there  is  no  style  about 
them,  and  no  newness  to  wear  off  by  rolling 
in  the  grass,  and  you  put  them  on  and  let  it 
go  at  that,  if  they  do  smell  of  moth  balls. 

Pa  has  skipped  and  I  am  left  alone  and  I 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  17 

shall  enter  as  a  freshman  in  an  Orphan 
Asylum,  and  later  go  out  into  the  world  and 
travel  on  my  shape. 

Pa  took  me  to  Washington  and  for  a  week 
he  was  visiting  the  different  Departments, 
and  nights  he  would  talk  in  his  sleep  about 
air  ships  and  balloons,  and  forts  and  battle 
ships,  and  about  going  abroad,  until  I 
thought  he  was  getting  nutty. 

One  day  he  called  me  up  to  our  room  in 
the  hotel  and  after  locking  the  door,  and 
plugging  up  the  keyhole  with  chewed  paper 
he  said:  "Now,  Hennery,  I  want  you  to 
listen  right  out  loud.  The  government  has 
given  me  an  appointment  to  travel  over  the 
world  and  get  information  about  air  ships, 
divagable  balloons,  and  everything  that  will 
help  our  government  to  know  what  other 
governments  are  doing  in  inventing  things 
to  be  used  in  case  of  war.  I  am  to  be  the 
Billy  Pinkerton  of  the  War  Department 
and  shall  have  to  spy  in  other  governments, 
and  I  am  to  be  the  traveling  diplomat  of 


i8  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  government,  and  jolly  all  nations,  and 
find  out  how  things  are  running  every 
where. 

"You  will  have  to  stay  home  this  time  be 
cause  you  wrould  be  a  dead  give  away,  so  I 
will  send  you  to  a  nice  orphan  home  where 
you  will  be  taught  to  work,  and  where 
guards  will  keep  you  on  the  inside  of  the 
fence,  and  put  you  to  bed  in  a  straight  jacket 
if  you  play  any  of  your  jokes,  see?"  and  Pa 
gave  me  a  ticket  to  an  orphans'  home,  and 
a  letter  of  introduction  to  the  matron  and 
the  next  day  I  was  an  inmate,  with  all  the 
degrees  coming  to  me.  What  do  you  think 
of  that,  and  Pa  on  the  ocean,  with  a  govern 
ment  commission  in  his  pocket? 

Gee,  but  my  ideas  of  an  orphans'  home 
got  a  shock  when  I  arrived  at  the  station 
where  the  orphans'  home  was  located.  I 
thought  there  would  be  a  carriage  at  the 
train  to  meet  me,  and  a  nice  lady  dressed 
in  white  with  a  cap  on  her  head,  to  take  me 
in  her  arms  and  hug  me,  and  say,  "Poor  lit- 


Gee,  My  Ideas  of  an  Orphan  Home  Got  a  Shock* 


20  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

tie  boy,  I  will  be  a  sister  to  you,"  but  there 
was  no  reception  committee,  and  I  had  to 
walk  a  mile  with  my  telescope  valise,  and 
when  I  found  the  place  and  went  in  the 
door,  to  present  my  letter  to  the  matron,  a 
man  with  a  scar  on  his  face,  and  one  eye 
gone,  met  me  and  looked  over  my  papers, 
and  went,  one  eye  on  me,  and  called  an  as 
sistant  private  and  told  him  to  take  me  and 
give  me  the  first  or  entered  apprentice  de 
gree. 

The  private  took  me  by  the  wrist  and  gave 
me  a  jerk  and  landed  me  in  the  laundry,  and 
told  me  to  strip  off,  and  when  I  had  re 
moved  my  clothes  and  folded  them  and  laid 
them  on  a  table,  he  took  the  clothes  away 
from  me,  and  then  told  me  to  climb  into  a 
laundry  tub,  and  he  turned  cold  water  on 
me  and  gave  me  a  bar  of  yellow  laundry 
soap,  and  after  I  had  lathered  myself  he  took 
a  scrubbing  brush,  such  as  floors  are 
scrubbed  with,  and  proceeded  in  one  full 
swoop  to  peel  the  hide  off  of  me  with  a 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  21 

rough  crash  towel  till  you  could  see  my 
veins  and  arteries,  and  inside  works  as  well 
as  though  you  had  used  X-rays,  and  when  I 
was  ready  to  die  and  wanted  to,  I  yelled 
murder,  and  he  put  his  hand  over  my  mouth 
so  hard  that  he  loosened  my  front  teeth,  and 
I  guess  I  died  right  there  or  fainted,  for  when 
I  came  to,  and  thought  the  resurrection 
morning,  that  they  used  to  tell  me  about  in 
the  Sunday  School,  had  come.  I  found  my 
self  dressed  in  a  sort  of  combination  shirt 
and  drawers,  like  a  bunny  nightie,  made  of 
old  saddle  blankets,  and  he  told  me  that  was 
the  uniform  of  the  orphanage  and  that  I 
could  go  out  and  play  for  fifteen  minutes, 
after  which  the  bell  would  ring  and  I  could 
go  from  play  to  work.  Gosh,  but  I  was  glad 
to  get  out  doors,  but  when  I  began  to 
breathe  the  fresh  air,  and  scratch  myself 
where  the  saddle  blanket  clothes  pricked 
me,  about  fifty  boys,  who  were  evidently 
sophomores  in  the  orphanage,  came  along, 


22  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  made  a  rush  for  me,  to  haze  me  as  a 
freshman. 

Well,  they  didn't  do  a  thing  to  me.  They 
tied  a  rope  around  one  ankle,  and  threw  the 
rope  over  a  limb,  and  pulled  me  off  the 
ground,  and  danced  a  war  dance  around  me 
and  run  thistles  up  my  trouser's  legs,  and 
spanked  me  with  a  board  with  slivers  in  it, 
and  let  me  down  and  walked  over  me  in  a 
procession,  singing  "There'll  be  a  hot  time 
in  the  old  town  to-night."  I  laughed  all 
the  time,  because  that  is  the  way  freshmen 
do  in  college  when  they  are  being  mur 
dered,  and  I  thought  my  new  associates 
would  like  me  better  if  I  died  game.  Just 
before  I  died  game  the  bell  rang,  and  the 
one  eyed  pirate  and  his  chief  of  staff  came 
out  and  said  we  would  go  to  work,  and  the 
boys  were  divided  into  squads  and  put  to 
work,  some  husking  corn,  others  sweeping 
up  dead  leaves,  others  milking  cows,  and  do 
ing  everything  necessary  around  a  farm. 

Before  I  was  set  to  work    I    had    a    few 


The  Way  Freshmen  Do  in  College  When  They're  Being  Murdered. 


24  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

minutes  of  silent  reflection,  and  I  thought 
of  my  changed  condition  from  my  porcelain 
lined  bath  tub  with  warm  water  and  soft 
towels,  to  that  bath  in  the  laundry,  and  the 
skinning  process  of  preparing  a  boy  for  a 
better  life. 

Then  what  do  you  suppose  they  set  me  to 
work  at?  Skinning  bull  heads  and  taking 
out  the  insides.  It  seems  the  boys  catch 
bull  heads  in  a  pond,  and  the  bull  heads  are 
used  for  human  food,  and  the  freshest  boys 
were  to  dress  them.  Well,  I  wasn't  going 
to  kick  on  anything  they  gave  me  for  a  stunt, 
so  I  put  on  an  apron,  and  for  four  hours  I 
skinned  and  cut  open  bull  heads  in  a  crude 
sort  of  way,  until  I  was  so  sick  I  couldn't 
protect  myself  from  the  assaults  of  the  live 
bull  heads,  and  the  cook  said  I  done  the  job 
so  well  that  she  would  ask  to  have  me  skin 
all  the  bull  heads  after  that.  I  said  I  would 
rather  milk  cows  so  the  pirate  gave  me  a 
milk  pail  and  told  me  to  go  and  milk  the 
freckled  cow,  and  I  went  up  to  the  cow  as  I 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  25 

had  seen  farmers  do,  and  sat  down  on  a 
wooden  camp  stool  and  put  the  pail  under 
the  cow,  and  began  to  squeeze  the  Summer 
Sausages  she  wore  under  her  stomach,  four 
of  'em,  and  the  more  I  squeezed  the  more 
there  didn't  any  milk  come,  and  the  cow 
looked  around  at  me  in  a  pitying  sort  of 
way,  but  the  milk  did  not  arrive  on  schedule 
time,  and  then  I  thought  of  a  farmer  I  once 
saw  kick  a  cow  in  the  slats,  and  I  thought 
maybe  that  was  the  best  way  to  cause  the 
milk  to  hurry  and  flow,  so  I  got  up  off  the 
stool  and  hauled  off  my  hind  leg  and  gave 
that  cow  a  swift  kick  that  sent  her  toes  clear 
in  to  her  liver  and  lights  and  sausage  cov 
ers. 

Well  I  thought  it  was  a  car  of  dynamite 
running  into  an  elevator  and  exploding,  but 
the  boys  that  picked  me  up  and  poured  milk 
on  my  face  to  bring  me  to,  said  it  was  not 
an  explosion,  but  that  the  cow  had  reared 
up  in  front  and  kicked  up  behind,  and  struck 
me  with  all  four  feet,  and  had  hooked  me 


26  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

with  her  horns,  and  switched  me  with  her 
tail,  and  pawed  me  with  her  forward  feet, 
and  licked  my  hair  with  her  tongue,  and 
laid  down  and  rolled  on  me.  Well,  I  cer 
tainly  looked  it.  Gee,  but  I  don't  want  any 
more  farmer's  life  in  mine. 

I  certainly  thought  that  was  the  way  to 
cause  a  cow  to  give  milk.  Maybe  I  ought 
to  have  sworn  at  her  the  way  the  farmer 
did.  I  remember  now,  that  he  used  lan 
guage  not  fit  to  print,  but  I  have  not  taken 
the  swearing  degree  yet. 

Well,  they  got  me  braced  up  so  I  could 
go  to  dinner,  and  it  was  surely  a  sumptuous 
repast,  fried  bull  heads  and  bread.  I  have 
eaten  fish  at  home  and  at  hotels,  where  you 
had  ketchup,  and  celery,  and  vegetables, 
and  gravy,  and  pie,  and  good  things,  but  to 
sit  down  with  fifty  boys  and  eat  just  bull 
heads,  and  stale  bread,  and  try  to  look  pleas 
ant  like  you  were  at  a  banquet,  was  one  on 
your  little  Hennery  that  made  him  feel  that 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  27 

the  pleasures  of  being  an  orphan  had  been 
over  drawn. 

Gosh,  but  the  boys  tell  me  we  have  bull 
heads  here  six  times  a  week,  because  they 
don't  cost  anything,  and  that  the  bones 
stick  through  your  skin  so  they  hold  your 
clothes  on. 

I  am  organizing  a  union  among  the  boys 
and  we  are  going  to  call  a  strike,  and  if  the 
pirate  with  one  eye  does  not  grant  all  we 
ask,  we  are  going  to  walk  out  in  a  body,  and 
jump  a  freight  train,  and  go  out  in  the  wide 
world  to  make  our  fortunes.  I  shall  go  look 
for  pa.  There  can't  no  man  give  me  such  a 
dirty  shake.  I  feel  like  I  had  been  left  on 
a  door  step,  with  a  note  on  the  basket  asking 
the  finder  to  take  good  care  of  me  "  'cause  I 
was  raised  a  pet." 


CHAPTER  II. 

No  Encouragement  for  Inventive  Genius  in 
.  .Orphan  Home — The  Boy  Uses  His  New 

Invention,  a  Patent  Clothes  Wringer,  in 

Milking. 

There  is  no  encouragement  for  inventive 
genius  in  this  orphans'  home  that  I  am 
honoring  with  my  patronage. 

I  always  supposed  that  an  orphanage  was 
a  place  where  they  tried  to  make  an  orphan 
feel  that  it  wasn't  such  a  great  loss  not  to 
have  a  regular  home,  among  your  people  as 
long  as  you  could  be  lovingly  cared  for  in 
big  bunches  by  charitable  people,  who  would 
act  like  a  High  School  to  you,  and  when  you 
got  a  diploma  from  an  orphans'  home  you 
could  go  out  into  the  world  and  hold  up 
your  head  like  a  college  graduate,  but  I  can 
see  from  my  experience  at  this  alleged  home 
tha*  jvhen  we  boys  get  out  the  police  will 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  29 

have  a  tab  on  us,  and  we  will  be  pinched 
like  tramps. 

What  encouragement  is  there  to  learn 
anything-  but  being  chambermaid  to  cows? 
Gee,  but  I  never  want  to  look  a  cow  in  the 
face  again.  When  I  failed  to  milk  that  cow 
and  she  galloped  all  over  the  place,  and 
kicked  my  liver  around  where  my  spleen 
ought  to  be,  the  one-eyed  warden  of  the 
place  told  me  I  must  practice  on  that  cow 
till  I  got  so  that  I  could  milk  her  with  my 
eyes  shut,  and  that  I  wouldn't  get  much  to 
eat  until  I  could  show  him  that  I  was  a  he- 
milkmaid  of  the  thirty-third  degree. 

I  told  him  I  saw  a  machine  last  year  at 
the  State  Fair  that  had  a  suction  pump  that 
was  put  on  to  the  cow's  works,  and  by 
touching  a  button  the  milk  and  honey 
flowed  into  a  pail,  and  if  he  would  get  such 
a  machine  I  could  touch  the  button  all  right. 
He  said  the  orphanage  couldn't  afford  to 
buy  such  a  machine,  but  if  I  wanted  to  in 
vent  any  device  to  milk  cows  I  could  go 


30  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

ahead,  but  it  was  up  to  me  to  produce  milk, 
one  way  or  another. 

Well,  an  idea  struck  me  just  like  being  hit 
with  a  base  ball  bat,  and  in  a  short  time  I 
was  ready. 

I  got  a  clothes  wringer  out  of  the  laun 
dry,  and  went  to  corral  the  cow.  I  thought 
if  a  clothes  wringer  could  squeeze  the  blue 
water  out  of  a  wash  tub  of  clothes,  it  would 
squeeze  a  pail  of  milk  out  of  a  cow,  so  I  took 
my  clothes  wringer  and  the  milk  pail  and  got 
under  the  cow  and  gathered  all  her  four 
weiners  together  in  my  hands  and  put  the 
ends  of  them  between  the  rubber  rollers,  just 
easy,  and  the  boys  gathered  round  to  see 
where  my  inventive  genius  was  going  to  get 
off  at.  Then  when  my  audience  was  all 
ready  to  cheer  me,  if  the  machine  worked,  I 
took  hold  of  the  handle  of  the  machine, 
which  was  across  my  lap,  and  turned  the 
crank  with  a  yuck  motion,  until  all  the 
cow's  weiners  went  through  between  the  rol 
lers,  and  I  noticed  the  cow  flinched,  and  just 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  31 

there  one  of  the  sophomore  boys  threw  a 
giant  firecracker  under  the  cow's  basement 
near  the  milk  pail,  and  when  the  explosion 
came,  just  when  I  was  cranking  her  up  a 
second  time  and  turning  on  the  high  speed 
clutch,  the  cow  bleated  as  though  she  had 
lost  her  calf,  and  she  went  up  into  the  air 
like  the  cow  that  jumped  over  the  moon,  and 
she  went  across  the  country  on  a  cavalry 
charge,  with  me  hanging  on  the  handle  of 
the  wringer  with  one  hand,  on  her  tail  with 
the  other,  and  the  boys  giving  the  orphan 
school  yell,  and  the  cow  bellowing  like  a 
whole  drove  of  cattle  that  have  smelled  blood 
around  a  slaughter  house. 

Gosh,  but  I  never  had  such  an  excursion. 
The  cow  went  around  the  house  and  on  to 
the  porch  where  the  manager  and  some 
women  were,  and  finally  rushed  into  the 
kitchen,  and  everybody  came  and  tied  me 
loose  from  the  cow,  and  got  the  clothes 
wringer  off  her  vital  parts,  and  shooed  her 


Gosh,  But  I   Never  Had  Such  an  Excursion! 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  33 

back  to  the  barn,  and  then  they  took  me  to 
the  manager's  office,  and  I  fainted  away. 

When  I  came  to  the  one-eyed  manager 
had  a  bandage  over  his  nose  where  the  han 
dle  of  the  clothes  wringer  hit  him  when  he 
tried  to  turn  the  handle  back  to  release  the 
pressure  on  the  cow's  bananas,  and  he  was 
so  mad  you  could  hear  him  "sis,"  like  when 
you  drop  water  on  a  hot  griddle. 

He  got  up  and  took  me  by  the  neck  and 
wrung  it  just  like  I  was  a  hen  having  its 
neck  wrung  when  there  is  company  coming 
and  he  dropped  me  "kerplunk"  and  said  I 
had  ruined  the  best  cow  on  the  place  by 
flattening  out  her  private  affairs  so  that  noth 
ing  but  skim  milk  could  ever  get  through  the 
teats,  and  he  asked  me  what  in  thunder  I 
was  doing,  milking  a  cow  with  a  clothes 

* 

wringer,  when  I  ought  to  have  known  that 
a  clothes  wringer  would  squeeze  the  milk 
up  into  the  second  story  of  the  cow. 

I  told  him  I  had  never  been  a  dairy  farmer, 
anyway,  and  a  cow  was  a  new  proposition  to 


34  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

me,  and  he  said  I  could  go  and  live  on  bread 
and  water  till  doomsday,  and  that  I  was  the 
worst  orphan  he  ever  saw,  and  he  pushed  me 
out  of  the  room. 

The  boys  met  me  when  I  came  out  of  the 
presence  of  the  one-eyed  'manager,  and  we 
went  off  into  the  woods  and  held  an  indig 
nation  meeting,  and  passed  resolutions  con 
demning  the  management  of  the  orphanage, 
and  I  suggested  that  we  form  a  union  and 
strike  for  shorter  hours  and  more  food,  and 
if  we  did  not  get  it,  we  could  walk  out,  and 
make  the  orphan  school  business  close  up. 

We  discussed  what  we  would  do  and  say 
to  the  boss,  and  just  before  supper  time  we 
lined  up  in  a  body  before  the  house  and 
called  out  the  manager  and  made  our  de 
mands,  and  gave  him  fifteen  minutes  to  ac 
cept,  or  out  we  would  go,  and  I  tell  you  we 
looked  saucy. 

I  never  saw  anything  act  as  quick  as  that 
strike  did.  In  five  minutes  the  manager 
came  out  and  said  he  wouldn't  grant  a  thing, 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  35 

and  besides  we  were  locked  out,  and  couldn't 
ever  get  back  into  the  place  unless  we 
crawled  on  our  hands  and  knees  and  stood 
on  our  hind  feet  like  dogs,  and  barked  and 
begged  for  food,  and  he  shut  the  door  and 
the  dining  room  was  closed  in  our  faces,  and 
we  were  told  to  get  off  the  place  or  they 
would  set  the  dogs  on  us. 

For  a  few  minutes  not  a  word  was  said, 
then  the  boys  pitched  on  to  me  and  another 
boy  that  had  brought  on  the  strike,  and  gave 
us  a  good  licking,  and  made  us  run  to  the 
woods,  and  when  we  got  nearly  out  of  sight 
we  turned  and  all  the  brave  dubs  that  were 
going  to  break  up  the  orphanage  were  down 
on  their  seats  on  the  grass,  begging  like  dogs 
to  be  taken  back,  because  supper  was  ready, 
and  my  chum  and  me  were  pulling  for  tall 
timber,  wondering  where  the  next  meal  was 
coming  from,  and  where  we  are  going  to 
sleep. 

We  were  the  only  boys  in  that  bunch  of 
Strikers  that  had  sand  enough  to  stand  up 


36  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

for  union  principles,  and  as  is  usually  the 
case  the  fellows  who  had  the  most  gravel  in 
their  crops  had  little -else,  and  I  was  never-so 
hungry  in  my  life. 

A  diet  of  fried  bull  heads  and  skim  milk, 
and  sour  bread  for  a  few  days  in  the  orphan 
age  had  left  me  with  an  appetite  that  ought 
to  have  had  a  ten  course  banquet  at  once,  but 
we  walked  on  for  hours,  and  finally  struck  a 
railroad  track  and  followed  it  to  a  town. 

My  chum  stopped  at  a  freight  car  on  a 
side  track  and  began  to  poke  around  one  of 
the  oil  boxes  on  a  wheel,  and  when  I  asked 
him  what  he  was  going  to  do,  he  said  that  to 
a  hungry  man  the  cotton  waste  and  the 
grease  in  a  hot  box  of  a  freight  car  was  just 
as  good  as  a  shrimp  salad,  and  he  began  to 
poke  the  stuff  out  of  the  hot  box  to  eat  it. 
He  said  the  lives  of  tramps  were  often  saved 
by  eating  out  of  hot  boxes.  I  swore  that  I 
would  never  eat  no  hot  box  banquet,  and  I 
pulled  him  away  from  the  box  car  just  as  a 
brakeman  came  along  with  a  hook  and  a  can 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  37 

of  oil  and  a  bucket  of  water  to  cool  it  off, 
and  we  escaped. 

I  told  him  we  would  have  a  good  supper 
all  right,  if  he  would  stick  by  me. 

We  went  into  the  little  town  and  it  was 
getting  dark,  and  all  the  people  were  out 
doors  looking  up  into  the  sky,  and  saying, 
"there  it  is,  I  see  it,"  and  I  asked  a  man  in 
front  of  a  saloon  what  the  excitement  was 
about,  and  he  said  that  they  were  watching 
the  balloons  from  St.  Louis,  about  two  hun 
dred  miles  away,  which  were  sailing  to  the 
east. 

Did  you  ever  have  an  idea  strike  you  so 
sudden  that  it  made  you  dizzy?  Well,  I  was 
struck  with  one  so  quick  that  it  made  me 
^nicker,  and  I  pulled  my  new  chum  away 
and  told  him  how  we  would  get  supper  and 
a  place  to  sleep,  and  that  was  to  go  into  the 
woods  near  where  the  people  were  looking 
up  into  the  air,  and  when  a  balloon  went 
over,  after  it  got  good  and  dark,  we  could 
set  up  a  yell,  as  though  murder  was  being 


38  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

done,  and  when  the  crowd  came  to  see  what 
was  the  matter,  he  could  say  we  fell  out  of 
a  balloon,  and  landed  in  a  tree  and  squirmed 
down  to  the  ground. 

Well,  I  didn't  want  to  lie,  but  my  chum, 
who  had  once  been  in  a  Reform  School,  did 
not  care  so  much  about  lying,  so  he  was  to 
do  the  talking  and  I  was  to  be  deaf  and 
dumb,  as  though  the  fall  from  the  balloon 
had  knocked  me  silly. 

Well,  when  we  saw  a  light  in  the  sky  over 
us  and  the  people  were  going  wild  over 
thinking  they  saw  a  balloon,  we  began  to 
scream  like  wild  cats,  and  groan  like  lost 
souls,  and  yell  for  "help,  help."  When  the 
people  came  on  the  run,  and  when  they 
found  us  with  our  clothes  torn,  and  our  hair 
standing  on  end,  and  our  eyes  bulging  out, 
and  my  chum,  the  old  liar,  said  when  we 
were  leaning  over  the  basket  of  the  balloon 
to  see  what  town  we  were  passing  over,  we 
fell  out  in  a  tree,  and  we  were  so  hungry. 

Well,  the  way  those  good    people    swal- 


"Tossed  him  over  the  fence" 


40  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

lowed  that  yarn  was  too  comical,  and  they 
picked  us  up  and  took  us  into  a  house.  A 
pussy  woman  got  me  under  her  arm  and  said 
"Poor  dear,  every  bone  in  his  body  is  busted, 
but  I  saw  him  first,  and  I  am  going  to  have 
him  mended  and  keep  him  for  a  souvenir," 
and  I  hung  my  legs  and  arms  down  so  I 
would  be  heavy,  and  she  dragged  me  to  the 
house.  All  I  said  was,  "pie,  pie,  pie,"  and 
she  said  I  was  starving  for  pie,  and  when 
they  got  us  in  bed,  with  nice  night  shirts  on, 
they  crowded  around  us  and  began  to  feed 
us,  and  we  took  everything  from  soup  to 
mints,  and  went  to  sleep,  and  the  last  thing  I 
heard  was  balloon  talk,  and  the  woman  who 
drew  me  in  the  shuffle  said,  "The  ways  of 

Providence  are  past  finding  out,"  and  as  I 

• 

rolled  over  in  bed  I  heard  my  chum  in  an 
other  bed  say  "You  can  bet  your  sweet 
life,"  and  then  the  people  began  to  go  away, 
talking  about  the  narrow  escape  of  those 
dear  boys,  and  my  pussy  fat  lady  held  my 
hand  and  stroked  my  aching  stomach  until 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  41 

long  after  midnight,  and  then  she  tip-toed 
off  to  bed. 

I  spoke  to  my  chum  and  said,  "Did  it  work 
out  all  right?"  and  he  groaned  and  said, 
"Gee,  but  I  et  too  much,  I  otter  have  saved 
some  of  it  for  breakfast,"  and  then  we  went 
to  sleep  in  nice  feather  beds  instead  of  those 
beds  at  the  orphanage  made  of  breakfast 
food. 


CHAPTER  III. 

The  Boy  Escapes  from  Orphan  Asylum — 
The  Boy  and  His  Chum  Had  Red  Letter 
Days — The  Boy  Is  Adopted  by  New 
Friends. 

There  is  not  much  fun  in  being  an  orphan 
until  you  escape  from  the  orphan  asylum, 
and  I  want  to  say  that  my  chum  and  myself 
have  had  two  red  letter  days  in  the  town 
where  we  seemed  to  drop  out  of  a  balloon 
into  the  hearts  of  the  country  people. 

They  took  up  a  subscription  to  buy  clothes 
for  us,  and  dressed  us  up,  and  we  looked  as 
though  we  had  been  clothing  dummies  in 
front  of  a  clothing  store,  and  then  the  peo 
ple  got  into  a  quarrel  as  to  who  should  adopt 
us. 

A  farmer  drew  my  chum  and  wanted  him 
to  get  acquainted  with  some  mules  and 
drive  six  mules  to  haul  fertilizer  on  the 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  43 

farm.  My  chum  had  to  set  on  a  saddle  on 
one  mule,  and  drive  the  other  five  mules  by 
using  one  line,  which  he  pulled  and  hauled 
to  make  them  gee  round  grand  right  and 
left. 

The  fat  woman  adopted  me  because  I  was 
such  a  dear  little  thing.  She  was  one  of 
those  hay  widows,  whose  husband  got  plen 
ty  of  her  sauce,  and  took  to  the  tall  timber, 
•and  all  she  wanted  to  do  was  to  hug  me,  and 
tell  me  that  if  I  had  not  dropped  into  her 
life,  out  of  that  balloon,  she  would  have 
kicked  the  bucket,  and  I  thought  of  how  any 
bucket  I  ever  saw  would  have  collapsed,  for 
she  had  a  foot  like  a  fiddle  box. 

She  made  me  tell  her  the  story  of  my  past 
life,  and  when  she  found  I  was  Peck's  Bad 
Boy,  and  I  thought  I  had  made  my  story  so 
sanguinary  that  she  would  want  me  to  go 
away,  so  she  could  have  a  quiet  life,  she  just 
froze  to  me  and  said  she  could  see  that  she 
had  been  selected  by  Providence  to  take  the 
badness  out  of  me,  and  she  went  to  work 


44  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

hypnotizing  me,  and  giving  me  absent  treat 
ment  on  my  meals,  to  take  my  strength  for 
wickedness  away,  and  then  she  got  me  so 
weak  I  could  not  hug  back  when  she 
squeezed  me,  and  you  can  imagine  the  condi 
tion  a  growing  boy  would  be  in  who  could 
not  do  his  share  of  the  hugging. 

The  second  day  of  my  sentence  to  be  her 
adopted  son,  with  all  my  crimes  on  my  head, 
she  let  me  go  out  on  the  farm  to  visit  my 
chum,  and  there  is  where  my  whole  new  life 
changed. 

My  chum  was  driving  his  mules  around 
the  farm,  and  I  was  riding  behind  him  on 
the  wheel  mule,  when  a  balloon  from  St. 
Louis  came  over,  and  the  men  in  the  balloon 
yelled  to  us  to  grab  hold  of  the  rope  as  they 
wanted  to  land  in  the  field.  The  mules  be 
gan  to  act  up  and  my  chum  couldn't  control 
them,  and  I  jumped  off  the  mule  and  grabbed 
the  rope  and  gave  it  a  hitch  around  the  pole 
of  the  wagon,  and  that  settled  it  with  the 
mules.  They  rolled  their  fawn  like  eyes 


Grabbed  the  Balloon  Rope  and  Gave  It  a  Hitch  Around  the  Pofe 


46  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

around  at  the  great  gas  bag  that  was  sway 
ing  over  the  wagon,  with  the  two  men  yell 
ing,  and  the  mules  started  to  run,  with  the 
wagon  and  the  balloon,  around  that  field,  the 
balloon  striking  the  fence  occasionally,  and  a 
tree  once  in  a  while,  the  men  yelling  for  us 
to  cut  the  rope,  and  the  mules  braying  and 
saying  mule  prayers,  and  me  chasing  along 
to  try  and  cut  the  rope,  and  my  chum  hang 
ing  on  to  the  ears  of  the  wheel  mule,  and  the 
farmers  rushing  into  the  field  from  every 
direction  to  stop  the  mules,  and  the  men  in 
the  balloons  using  the  worst  language. 

The  mules  had  run  around  the  field  several 
times,  and  the  balloon  was  doing  its  best  to 
keep  up,  when  I  yelled  to  the  men  in  the  bal 
loon,  "Why  don't  you  throw  out  your  an 
chor?"  and  they  then  seemed  to  recollect 
about  the  anchor,  and  they  threw  it  out,  and 
when  it  caught  fast  in  the  ground  the  mules 
pulled  loose  from  the  wagon  and  went 
through  a  fence,  and  started  for  Texas,  and 
I  guess  they  are  going  yet.  My  chum  got  off 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  47 

all  right,  except  he  was  so  scared  he  could 
not  stand  up.  Well,  we  had  a  time  straight 
ening  things  out,  the  farmers  wanted  to 
lynch  the  balloon  men,  and  make  them  pay 
for  the  mules,  but  in  rolling  up  the  balloon 
to  take  to  the  station,  to  ship  to  St.  Louis, 
I  found  a  mail  bag,  and  I  told  the  farmers 
these  balloonists  were  carrying  the  U.  S. 
mail,  and  any  man  that  laid  hands  on  the 
government  mail  could  be  imprisoned  for 
life  for  treason,  and  I  scared  the  farmers  so 
they  gave  the  balloonists  their  dinner,  and 
hauled  the  balloon  to  the  station  with  the 
whole  bunch  of  us,  and  when  the  balloonists 
went  away  on  the  train  they  told  my  chum 
and  me  that  if  we  would  come  to  St.  Louis 
they  would  give  us  jobs  carrying  off  bal 
loons,  and  they  would  teach  us  how  to  fly. 
Gee,  but  that  was  nuts  for  us.  To  rise,  at 
once,  from  being  mule  drivers  and  adopted 
boys,  to  a  place  in  balloon  society,  was  what 
we  wanted,  and  my  chum  and  I  deserted  our 


"Any  Man  That  Lays  Hands  on  the  Government    Mail   Can    Be    Imprisoned 

for  Life  for  Treason." 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  49 

more  or  less  happy  homes  and  began  to  plan 
to  jump  a  freight  train  bound  for  St.  Louis. 
We  laid  down  on  the  platform  of  the  sta 
tion  that  night  and  went  to  sleep  and  I 
dreamed  that  I  sailed  across  the  ocean  in  a 
balloon,  and  landed  in  a  park  in  Paris,  and 
when  the  populace  came  to  welcome  us  to 
dear  old  France,  Pa  was  one  of  the  first  to 
see  me,  and  he  fell  upon  my  neck,  and  when 
the  people  were  going  to  give  me  a  recep 
tion,  and  a  cross  of  the  Legion  of  Honor,  for 
being  the  first  to  cross  the  ocean  in  a  balloon, 
Pa  told  them  I  was  his  boy,  and  Pa  wanted  to 
take  all  the  credit  for  my  grand  achieve 
ment,  and  when  I  woke  up  a  watchman  at 
the  station  kicked  us  off  the  platform  like 
we  were  tramps,  and  we  walked  down  the 
tracks  and  were  so  mad  we  wanted  to  throw 
stones  at  the  switch  lights,  and  my  chum 
wanted  to  put  a  tie  on  the  track  to  wreck  a 
train,  but  I  persuaded  him  that  it  was  that 
kind  of  revenge  that  caused  the  enmity  be 
tween  tramps  and  the  richer  class.  Then  he 


50  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

wanted  to  set  fire  to  a  tank  car  of  kerosene, 
because  Rockafeller  owned  the  railroad,  and 
the  watchman  who  kicked  us  was  an  agent 
of  the  Standard  Oil  Company.  If  I  hadn't 
been  a  pretty  good  citizen  there  would  have 
been  a  bon-fire  sure,  but  I  showed  my  chum 
that  we  were  only  temporary  tramps,  and 
that  in  a  few  days  we  would  achieve  success, 
and  own  railroads,  and  that  we  should  show 
an  example  of  patience,  and  strive  to  become 
members  of  the  four  hundred.  So  we  re 
frained  from  getting  even,  and  Rockafeller 
was  not  kept  awake  by  hearing  that  another 
tank  car  of  oil  had  gone  skyward. 

We  were  pretty  hungry,  but  tightened  up 
our  belts  and  pretty  soon  a  freight  car 
stopped  on  a  side  track  and  a  brakeman  came 
along  with  a  lantern  and  I  gave  him  the  last 
half  dollar  I  had  and  told  him  we  wanted  to 
land  in  St.  Louis,  and  he  looked  us  over  and 
pointed  to  a  car,  and  we  hustled  in  and  he 
locked  the  side  door  of  the  car,  and  we  were 
alone  in  the  dark,  hungry  and  thirsty. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  51 

We  found  a  part  of  a  bale  of  hay,  and  scat 
tered  some  on  the  floor  and  went  to  sleep, 
and  I  never  slept  better  on  a  spring  mat 
tress,  but  I  dreamed  of  home,  and  all  the  fun 
I  had  ever  had,  making  it  hot  for  other  peo 
ple,  playing  tricks  on  them,  but  now  all  was 
changed,  and  I  felt  that  I  was  on  my  own  re 
sources,  making  my  own  way  in  the  world, 
handicapped  by  always  having  an  easy  life. 

Along  towards  daylight  in  the  morning 
some  horses  began  to  paw  and  whinner  and 
a  colly  dog  began  to  bark  in  the  car,  and 
some  sheep  bleated  in  the  car,  and  as  morn 
ing  came,  and  a  little  light  came  in  the  car, 
which  was  hitting  the  high  places,  running 
at  high  speed,  so  it  shook  us  out  of  our  hay 
bed,  we  looked  around  starved  and  stiff, 
and  sick  at  heart. 

When  the  train  stopped  I  walked  through 
the  car,  over  bags  of  oats,  and  looked  at  the 
horses,  and  wished  I  was  a  horse.  The  dog 
was  a  watch  dog,  and  when  I  got  near  him 
he  snarled  and  grabbed  a  mouthful  of  my 


52  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

new  pants  and  held  on  and  shook  me,  and  I 
yelled  and  got  away. 

As  it  grew  lighter  I  saw  a  box  near  the 
dog,  and  in  it  were  some  square  things  chat 
my  practiced  eye,  as  the  son  of  an  old  hunter, 
told  me  were  dog  biscuit,  a  sort  of  petrified 
dough  and  meat  scraps  made  for  high  class 
dogs  that  are  not  allowed  to  eat  scraps  from 
the  table,  and  I  told  my  chum  we  would  have 
breakfast.  It  took  me  half  an  hour  to  steal 
a  few  dog  biscuit  away  from  that  dog,  and 
all  the  time  he  was  trying  to  make  his  break 
fast  off  of  me,  but  I  finally  poked  out  enough 
for  breakfast,  and  I  called  my  chum  to  par 
take  of  the  repast.  He  said  he  always  had 
to  have  some  kind  of  breakfast  food  before 
he  ate  meat,  so  I  cut  into  a  bag  of  oats,  and 
gave  him  a  handful,  and  there  we  sat  and 
chewed  away,  trying  to  imagine  that  we 
were  happy,  and  thinking  of  coffee  and  pan 
cakes  and  sausage,  and  waffles,  and  biscuit 
and  honey. 

It  was  probably  the  worst  breakfast  ever 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  53 

eaten  by  anybody.  The  dog  biscuits  were 
so  hard  we  had  to  pound  them  on  the  floor 
with  a  currycomb,  and  that  did  not  help  the 
flavor  much. 

After  breakfast  we  laid  down  on  the  hay 
with  a  horse  blanket  over  us,  and  slept  till 
noon,  when  we  heard  water  being  poured  in 
to  the  tin  trough  for  the  horses,  and  we 
quenched  our  thirst,  and  ate  more  dog  bis 
cuit,  and  I  hoped  that  other  boys  would  hear 
of  our  distress,  and  that  no  boys  would  ever 
run  away  from  a  happy  home  again. 

My  chum  and  I  talked  over  the  depression 
in  the  money  market,  and  the  panic  in  Wall 
street,  and  tried  to  think  we  were  better  off 
than  millionaires  who  did  not  know  where 
the  next  meal  was  coming  from,  and  with 
our  stomachs  full,  and  no  care  on  our  minds, 
we  wished  we  could  give  some  of  our  dog 
biscuit  to  the  hungry  rich. 

While  we  were  thinking  of  the  good  one 
can  do  with  a  few  dog  biscuit,  there  was  a 
terrible  crash,  the  car  jumped  on  the  ties  and 


54  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

reared  up,  and  finally  rolled  over  and  down 
a  bank  and  all  was  still  as  death,  except  that 
the  boiler  of  the  engine  was  blowing  off 
steam,  and  the  horses  were  groaning,  and  the 
confounded  dog  that  chewed  me  was  dead. 

Men  run  over  the  cars,  and  chopped  with 
axes,  and  finally  a  fire  engine  began  to  throw 
water  on  the  burning  cars,  my  chum  and  I 
were  wedged  under  bales  of  hay,  one  of  my 
legs  was  asleep,  and  we  both  yelled  murder, 
and  finally  the  fire  was  out,  the  side  was 
chopped  out  of  the  car,  and  they  took  us  out 
and  put  us  in  an  ambulance  and  the  brake- 
man  who  had  let  us  into  the  car  said,  "Tick 
ets,  please,"  and  the  ambulance  was  driven 
to  a  hospital  at  East  St.  Louis,  and  they 
wanted  to  amputate  us,  just  for  practice. 
One  of  the  hospital  attendants  asked  me  who 
I  was,  and  when  I  told  him  I  was  "Peck's 
Bad  Boy,"  traveling  for  my  health,  he  said, 
"Well,  you  are  certainly  getting  what  is 
coming  to  you,"  and  I  guess  that  is  no  lie. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

A  Bad  Railroad  Wreck— The  Boy  Con 
trasts  Their  Ride  to  One  in  a  Parlor  Car 
— The  Lawyer  Is  the  Greatest  Man  on 
Earth— The  Boy  Settles  His  Claim  for 
$20. 

The  accident  by  the  wrecking  of  the 
freight  train  on  which  my  chum  and  myself 
were  touring  the  country,  viewing  the  scen 
ery  through  an  auger  hole  in  the  side  of  a 
box  car,  was  a  darn  sight  worse  than  I 
thought  it  was.  What  a  come  down  it  was 
for  me,  who  have  always  traveled  with  pa, 
in  a  parlor  car,  to  have  to  ride  in  a  box  car, 
with  live  stock,  and  feast  on  dog  biscuit, 
instead  of  ordering  from  the  menu  in  a  din 
ing  car. 

No  one  likes  the  luxuries  of  foreign  travel 
any  better  than  I  do,  but  that  freight  car 
experience  showed  me  that  we  do  not  know 


56  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

when  we  are  well  off,  but  when  a  boy  goes 
out  into  the  world  to  make  his  fortune,  and 
cuts  loose  from  home  ties,  and  pie,  and  bath 
tubs,  and  a  warm  bed,  and  victuals  such  as 
mother  makes,  and  winds  up  in  a  wreck, 
under  a  horse  that  he  does  not  know  the 
name  of,  he  is  going  some. 

When  we  got  to  the  hospital  a  lawyer, 
who  had  chased  the  ambulance  on  a  motor 
cycle,  retained  me  as  his  client  and  offered 
to  sue  the  railway  company  for  a  million 
dollars  damage,  and  he  would  furnish  all 
the  evidence,  and  take  half  of  what  he  got 
for  his  fee,  I  thought  it  was  a  good  propo 
sition,  and  probably  I  can  own  a  railroad  if 
I  take  stock  for  my  damages,  but  I  shall  take 
nothing  but  money,  and  let  my  lawyer  have 
the  railroad  stock.  Gee,  but  a  lawyer  is  the 
greatest  man  on  earth.  This  one  has  been 
riding  alongside  the  railroad  track  on  a 
motorcycle  for  years,  waiting  for  an  acci 
dent,  and  when  he  selected  me  for  a  client  he 
just  cried  for  joy,  and  he  has  drawn  a  com- 


Started  on  a  stampede. 


58  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

plaint  against  the  Railroad  Company  that  is 
a  work  of  art. 

When  he  read  it  to  me,  and  I  saw  how  I 
had  been  broken  up  and  damaged  by  the 
soulless  corporation,  and  how  my  promising 
career  had  been  ruined,  I  never  was  so  over 
come  in  my  life.  While  I  was  not  hurt  any, 
except  where  the  horse  laid  on  me  and 
squeezed  my  dog  biscuits  in  my  stomach  so 
my  backbone  was  poulticed  by  the  chewed 
biscuit,  the  lawyer  had  the  doctors  at  the  hos 
pital  put  my  legs  and  arms  in  plaster  of  paris 
casts,  and  had  my  body  done  up  in  splints 
and  bandages,  and  my  face  covered  with 
strips  of  court  plaster,  until  nothing  but  my 
mouth  was  in  working  order,  and  I  wore  out 
a  nurse  bringing  me  things  to  eat,  and  I 
never  enjoyed  myself 'more  in  my  life  than  I 
did  in  that  hospital,  just  eating  and  being 
petted  by  good  looking  nurses. 

My  lawyer  told  me  to  groan  all  the  time 
when  anybody  was  present,  and  when  a  rail 
road  lawyer  called  at  the  hospital  to  take  an 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  59 

invoice  of  my  wounds,  and  my  lawyer  was 
present  to  see  that  I  groaned  plenty,  it  was 
all  I  could  do  to  keep  from  laughing,  but  my 
lawyer  would  run  a  paper  knife  into  my  slats 
every  time  I  quit  groaning,  so  we  were  work 
ing  the  railroad  all  right,  and  the  hospital 
doctors,  who  were  going  to  have  a  share  in 
the  money,  made  a  list  of  my  broken  bones, 
and  the  railroad  lawyer  wanted  to  be  shown 
every  break  in  my  anatomy. 

Well  things  went  on  this  way  for  several 
days,  and  I  was  getting  nervous  from  the 
plaster  casts  on  me. 

I  didn't  like  it  very  much  when  the  rail 
way  lawyer  offered  to  settle  for  five  dollars, 
claiming  I  was  a  tramp  stealing  a  ride,  but 
he  brought  my  chum  to  see  me,  and  my  chum 
who  had  his  neck  twisted  around  by  a  bale 
of  hay  falling  on  him,  settled  for  twenty  dol 
lars,  and  so  I  did  the  same,  and  when  the 
nurses  were  asleep  in  the  afternoon,  my 
chum  and  me  left  the  hospital  with  forty 


60  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

good  dollars,  and  started  across  the  bridge 
for  St.  Louis,  to  find  the  air  ships. 

We  were  sitting  down  on  a  railroad  track, 
at  the  east  entrance  to  the  bridge,  and  I  had 
taken  off  my  clothes,  and  was  breaking  the 
plaster  of  paris  off  my  limbs,  when  rny  law 
yer  came  along  on  his  motorcycle,  on  the 
way  to  the  hospital  to  make  me  groan  some 
more,  and  when  he  saw  us  he  had  a  fainting 
spell,  and  when  I  told  him  we  had  been  dis 
charged  cured,  he  said  it  was  hard  for  a  de 
serving  lawyer  to  be  knocked  out  of  a  half 
million  dollar  fee  by  a  dumb  fool  client  who 
didn't  know  enough  to  look  out  for  his  own 
interests,  and  he  was  going  to  have  us  ar 
rested  for  highway  robbery,  but  I  told  him 
I  wouldn't  have  known  what  to  do  with  so 
much  money  if  we  had  kanoodled  the  rail 
road  out  of  a  million  dollars,  in  addition  to 
a  free  ride  on  its  palatial  freight  car,  and 
besides  it  would  be  cheating,  and  the  lawyer 
drew  a  long  sigh  and  told  us  to  get  out  of 
the  country  and  he  would  continue  the  suit 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  61 

on  the  ground  that  we  had  been  injured  so 
bad  that  we  became  insane  and  jumped  into 
the  river,  and  he  offered  to  throw  us  in  the 
river,  but  we  jumped  on  a  street  car  and  went 
across  to  St.  Louis  in  search  of  the  park 
where  the  balloon  man  was  that  had  offered 
us  a  job  riding  in  balloons. 

We  found  the  man  and  he  said  they  were 
all  going  to  start  for  somewhere  the  next 
morning  and  we  could  go  along,  my  chum 
in  one  balloon  and  I  in  another,  and  all  we 
would  have  to  do  was  to  throw  out  ballast 
when  told  to  do  so,  and  open  cans  of  stuff 
to  eat,  and  for  us  to  buy  thick  sweaters,  and 
show  up  at  nine  o'clock  in  the  morning,  and 
write  the  address  where  we  wanted  our  re 
mains  sent  to  in  case  we  were  killed,  and  pin 
the  address  on  our  sweaters. 

It  wasn't  cheerful  and  my  chum  and  I 
talked  it  over  until  late  that  night,  and  I  am 
sorry  to  say  my  chum  showed  a  streak  of 
yellow,  and  he  confessed  to  me  that  he  was 
a  coward,  and  came  from  a  family  of  cow- 


6*  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

ards,  and  that  he  didn't  have  sand  enough  to 
go  up  in  a  balloon,  and  he  would  let  me  go 
up,  but  he  would  rather  stay  on  the  ground, 
where  he  could  feel  the  earth  with  his  feet, 
and  watch  the  balloons. 

He  said  that  people  who  go  up  in  balloons 
were  either  crazy,  or  had  met  with  some  dis 
appointment  in  life,  and  took  the  balloon 
method  of  committing  suicide,  and  he  would 
side  step  balloons,  and  if  the  time  ever  came 
when  he  was  tired  of  life,  he  would  take  a  job 
firing  on  an  engine,  or  go  into  burglary,  or 
get  in  love  with  some  old  man's  wife,  or 
marry  a  chorus  girl,  or  something  that  would 
be  fatal,  but  on  land. 

Gee,  but  I  was  disappointed  in  my  chum. 
He  had  been  in  a  reform  school,  and  I 
thought  he  had  gravel  in  his  crop,  but  he 
proved  to  have  the  chilblains,  and  so  I  went 
to  the  balloon  man  in  the  morning  alone,  and 
told  him  I  had  made  my  will,  and  was  ready 
to  go  up  to  heaven  or  down  to  Helena,  Ar- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  63 

kansas,  any  minute  he  was  ready,  but  my 
chum  had  weakened  and  gone  glimmering. 

I  got  in  the  basket  and  looked  things  over, 
and  jumped  out  and  in  several  times,  and 
asked  questions  of  the  two  men  who  were  to 
go  up  in  it,  and  they  seemed  pleased  that  I 
was  not  afraid,  and  they  asked  me  if  I 
thought  my  father  would  make  a  kick  if  I 
was  killed  or  lost  at  sea,  or  anything,  and  I 
told  them  from  my  last  conversation  with  Pa 
I  thought  he  would  take  it  as  a  kindness  if 
they  should  find  it  convenient  to  spill  me  out 
somewhere  or  lose  me,  and  when  they  land 
ed,  if  they  could  make  affidavit  that  I  had 
been  permanently  disposed  of,  like  a  mess  of 
kittens  under  water  in  a  bag,  with  a  stone  in 
it,  that  Pa  would  be  willing  to  cough  up  quite 
a  premium. 

That  held  them  for  a  little  while,  and  then 
they  asked  me  who  I  was,  anyway,  and  when 
I  told  them  that  I  was  the  only  original 
"Peck's  Bad  Boy,"  they  said  that  from  their 
recollection  of  my  tricks  on  my  father  they 


64  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

could  readily  see  how  a  fatality  might  be  a 
blessing,  and  they  seemed  relieved  of  any  re 
sponsibility,  and  we  went  to  work  to  get 
things  in  the  basket,  and  they  instructed  me 
what  I  was  to  do. 

The  basket  was  about  nine  feet  square,  and 
it  had  more  things  in  it  than  a  delicatessen 
store. 

At  about  ten  o'clock  in  the  morning,  with 
thousands  of  people  watching  the  balloons, 
they  began  to  cut  loose  and  go  shooting  in 
to  the  air,  and  it  was  a  race. 

The  man  told  me  that  the  balloon  that 
went  the  farthest  from  St.  Louis  before  be 
ing  compelled  to  land  would  get  the  prize, 
and  I  began  to  feel  anxious  to  have  our  bal 
loon  win. 

I  watched  those  that  started  first,  and  they 
went  up  so  far  I  could  only  see  little  specks 
in  the  sky,  and  I  thought  of  balloons  I  had 
seen  go  up  on  fair  grounds,  where  a  girl  sat 
on  a  trapeze  bar,  and  jumped  off,  and  a  para 
chute  v>pened  and  took  her  safely  to  the 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  65 

ground,  and  I  looked  around  our  balloon  for 
a  parachute,  but  there  was  none,  and  I  won 
dered  what  would  happen  if  the  balloon 
came  down,  with  its  gas  all  escaped,  like  the 
fair  ground  balloon,  and  there  is  where  I 
came  the  nearest  to  weakening  and  climbing 
out,  but  I  thought  if  I  did  I  would  be  a  cow 
ard  like  my  chum,  and  then  I  thought  if 
those  two  grown  men,  with  families  depend 
ing  on  them  for  support,  were  going  up,  they 
were  not  doing  it  for  any  suicidal  purpose, 
and  I  could  go  if  they  could,  and  when  the 
boss  man  said,  "Now,  Bub,  if  you  want  to 
stay  ashore,  this  is  your  last  chance,"  I  said, 
"Your  little  Hennery  is  ready  to  go  where 
you  go,  and  you  can't  tie  her  loose  any  too 
soon  to  suit  me,"  and  he  patted  me  on  the 
head  and  said,  "Hennery,  you  sure  are 
game,"  and  then  all  was  ready  and  he  said 
to  them  to  let  go.  My  heart  went  up  and 
rubbed  against  my  palate,  and  the  balloon 
made  a  jump  like  a  horse  going  over  a  five 
foot  fence,  advertising  a  brand  of  whiskey, 


66 

and  we  shot  up  into  the  air,  the  people  yelL 
ing,  and  I  saw  my  chum  sitting  on  a  dray, 
driving  a  mule,  and  I  thought  of  the  differ 
ence  between  a  brave  boy  and  a  mucker  like 
my  chum,  the  houses  began  to  look  smaller, 
until  St.  Louis  looked  like  play  houses,  with 
a  ribbon  of  gray  on  the  side  of  it,  which  was 
the  river. 

The  boss  looked  at  a  machine  and  said  we 
were  five  miles  high,  and  I  thought  how  I 
had  always  enjoyed  high  life,  and  I  was  try 
ing  to  get  my  heart  swallowed  down  where 
it  belonged. 

The  balloon  basket  was  as  steady  as  a 
house,  and  I  got  up  and  looked  over  the  side 
of  the  basket,  and  it  seemed  awful,  cause  I 
had  never  been  higher  than  the  top  of  a 
twenty  story  building  before,  and  I  began 
to  weep  tears,  and  the  air  seemed  queer,  and 
I  was  just  going  to  faint  when  the  boss  told 
me  to  open  a  can  of  lobsters,  and  I  woke  up. 


CHAPTER  V. 

The  Bad  Boy  Leaves  St.  Louis  in  a  Balloon 
—The  Boy  Makes  a  Trip  to  San  Fran 
cisco  and  Joins  Evans'  Fleet — The  Police 
Arrest  Boy  and  Tie  Up  Balloon. 

When  our  balloon  left  St.  Louis,  and  got 
up  in  the  air  so  far  that  the  earth  looked  like 
a  piece  of  rag  carpet,  with  pop  corn  scattered 
over  it,  which  were  villages,  and  I  realized 
that  if  anything  busted,  we  would  be  drop 
ping  for  hours  before  we  struck  a  church 
steeple,  and  would  be  so  dead  when  we  hit 
the  ground,  and  stiff  and  cold  that  we  would 
be  driven  down  in  the  mud  so  far  no  one 
would  ever  find  us,  and  I  looked  at  the  two 
fool  men  in  the  basket  with  me,  who  didn't 
seem  to  care  what  became  of  them,  as  though 
they  were  unhappily  married  or  had  money 
in  a  shaky  bank,  I  began  to  choke  up,  and 


68  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  tears  came  to  my  eyes,  and  I  took  a  long 
breath  of  thin  air.  and  fainted  dead  away. 

When  I  fainted  we  were  being  driven 
south,  and  when  I  came  to,  with  a  smell  of 
ammonia  on  my  hair,  we  were  going  east, 
and  the  balloon  had  gone  down  within  a 
mile  of  the  earth,  and  the  men  gave  me  some 
hot  tea  out  of  a  patent  bottle,  and  pretty  soon 
I  began  to  enjoy  myself  and  wonder  if  I 
could  hit  a  mess  of  negroes  picking  cotton  in 
a  field,  with  a  sand  bag. 

When  you  are  up  in  the  air  so  far  that  a 
policeman  cannot  reach  you,  you  feel  loose 
enough  to  insult  men  that  would  knock  your 
block  off  if  you  should  give  them  any  lip 
when  you  were  on  the  ground. 

We  came  down  a  half  a  mile  more,  and  I 
asked  the  boss  man  if  I  might  throw  a  sand 
bag  at  the  negroes,  and  he  said  I  might 
throw  a  bundle  of  advertisements  for  liver 
pills  at  them,  so  I  yelled,  "Hello,  you  black 
rabbits,"  and  when  the  negroes  looked  up 
and  saw  the  balloon,  they  turned  pale,  and 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  69 

dropped  on  their  knees,  and  I  guess  they  be 
gan  to  pray,  and  I  didn't  mean  to  interfere 
with  their  devotions,  so  I  threw  a  bottle  of 
ginger  ale  at  a  mule  hitched  to  a  wagon 
near  them,  and  when  the  bottle  struck  the 
mule  on  the  head  and  exploded  and  the  gin 
ger  ale  began  to  squirt  all  over  the  colored 
population,  the  mule  run  one  way  with  the 
wagon,  and  the  negroes  ran  for  the  cane 
brakes.  The  boss  man  in  the  balloon  com 
plimented  me  on  being  a  good  shot,  and 
said  I  had  many  characteristics  of  a  true 
balloonist,  and  probably  before  we  got  to 
the  end  of  the  trip  I  would  get  so  I  could 
hit  a  church  steeple  with  a  bag  of  ballast, 
and  break  up  a  Sunday  School  in  the  base 
ment.  He  said  that  being  up  in  the  rare 
fied  air  made  a  man  feel  as  though  he  would 
like  to  commit  murder,  and  I  found  out 
that  was  so,  for  the  next  town  we  passed 
over,  when  all  the  people  were  out  in  the 
main  street,  and  the  balloon  man  told  me  to 
throw  over  a  bag  of  sand,  so  we  could  go 


70  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

up  higher,  instead  of  trying  to  throw  the  bag 
into  a  field,  where  there  was  nobody  to  be 
hurt  or  frightened,  do  you  know,  I  shied  that 
bag  at  a  fountain  in  the  public  square  and 
laughed  like  a  crazy  person  when  the  water 
splashed  all  over  the  crowd,  and  the  foun 
tain  was  smashed  to  pieces,  and  the  pirates 
in  the  balloon  complimented  me,  and  yet, 
when  those  men  are  at  home,  on  the  ground, 
they  are  Christian  gentlemen,  they  told  me, 
so  I  made  up  my  mind  that  if  ballooning  be 
came  a  fashionable  pastime,  those  who  par 
ticipated  in  it  would  become  murderers,  and 
the  people  on  the  ground  would  shoot  at  a 
balloonist  on  sight. 

We  went  up  so  high  that  we  were  out  of 
range  of  people  on  the  ground,-  so  you 
couldn't  pick  out  any  particular  person  to 
hit  with  a  bundle  of  pickle  advertisements, 
so  you  had  to  shoot  into  a  flock,  and  run 
chances  of  winging  somebody,  so  I  did  not 
enjoy  it,  but  along  towards  evening  we 
passed  over  a  town  in  Tennessee  or  Ken- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  71 

tucky,  where  there  was  a  race  track,  and 
races  going  on,  and  just  as  we  got  over  it  I 
said  to  the  boss  balloon  man,  "Just  watch 
me  break  up  that  show,"  and  I  pitched  over 
board  a  whole  mass  of  advertisements  of  dif 
ferent  things  we  carried,  and  two  bundles 
hit  the  grand  stand,  and  exploded,  and  about 
a  million  circulars  advertising  pills  and 
breakfast  food  struck  the  track,  just  as  the 
horses  were  in  the  home  stretch,  and  of  all 
the  stampedes  you  ever  saw  that  was  the 
worst,  horses  running  away,  riders  fell  off, 
carriages  tipped  over,  and  the  people  in  the 
grand  stand  falling  over  themselves,  and  as 
we  sailed  along  none  of  us  seemed  to  care 
two  whoops  whether  anybody  was  killed  or 
not.  It  was  the  craziness  of  being  up  in  the 
air,  and  not  caring  for  responsibility,  like  a 
drunken  chauffeur  running  a  crazy  automo 
bile  through  a  crowd  of  children,  and  acting 
mad  because  they  were  in  the  way  of  prog 
ress. 

We  laughed  and  chuckled  at  the  sensation 


72  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

we  had  caused,  but  cared  no  more  for  the  re 
sults  than  a  hired  girl  who  starts  a  fire  with 
kerosene. 

It  came  on  dark  after  a  while,  and  all  we 
had  to.  do  was  to  look  at  the  stars  and  the 
moon,  and  it  seemed  to  me  that  the  stars 
were  as  big  as  locomotive  headlights,  and 
that  you  could  see  into  them,  and  on  several 
of  the  largest  stars  I  was  sure  I  could  see 
people  moving,  and  the  moon  seemed  so  near 
that  you  could  catch  the  smile  of  the  man  in 
the  moon,  and  see  him  wink  at  you. 

The  two  men  had  to  remain  awake  all 
night,  but  after  awhile  I  said  I  guessed  I 
would  have  my  berth  made  up,  and  the  boss 
man  handed  me  a  shredded  wheat  biscuit 
for  a  pillow,  and  laid  me  down  by  the  sand 
bags  and  the  canned  food,  and  threw  a 
blanket  ov~r  me,  and  I  slept  all  night,  sail 
ing  over  states,  the  balloon  moving  so  still 
there  was  no  sound  at  all. 

I  woke  up  once  or  twice  and  listened  for  a 
street  car,  or  some  noise  to  put  me  to  sleep 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  73 

again,  and  found  myself  wishing  there  was 
a  fire,  so  a  fire  department  would  go  clang 
ing  by,  making  a  noise  that  would  be  wel 
come  in  the  terrible  stillness. 

I  dreamed  the  awfulest  dreams,  and 
thought  I  saw  Pa,  in  another  balloon,  with 
a  rawhide  in  his  hand,  chasing  me,  and  the 
great  bear  in  the  heavens  seemed  to  be  get 
ting  up  on  his  hind  legs,  with  his  mouth 
open,  ready  to  hug  me  to  his  hairy  chest. 

It  was  a  terrible  night,  and  at  daylight  the 
boss  man  woke  me  up  and  I  looked  over  the 
side  of  the  basket  and  we  were  going  across 
a  piece  of  water  where  there  were  battle 
ships  lined  up  like  they  were  at  San  Diego, 
when  Cevera's  fleet  was  smashed,  and  the 
men  said  now  was  the  time  to  demonstrate 
whether  balloons  would  be  serviceable  in 
case  of  war,  and  told  me  to  take  a  bundle  of 
malted  milk  advertisements,  and  imagine  it 
was  a  dynamite  bomb,  and  see  if  I  could  land 
it  on  the  deck  of  a  big  white  battleship.  I 
took  a  good  aim  and  let  the  bundle  go  and  it 


74  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

struck  on  deck  just  in  front  of  a  cross  look 
ing  man  in  a  white  uniform,  and  scattered 
all  over  the  deck  and  the  sailors  and  marines 
came  up  on  deck  in  a  wild  stampede,  and 
threw  the  malted  milk  advertisements  over 
board,  and  as  we  sailed  on  there  was  an  ex 
plosion  of  red  hot  language  from  the  cross 
looking  man  in  the  white  uniform,  and  the 
boss  balloon  man  said,  "That  is  a  good  shot, 
Bub,  for  you  landed  that  bundle  of  alleged 
dynamite  square  on  the  deck  of  Admiral  Bob 
Evans'  flagship.  Didn't  you  hear  him 
swear?"  and  then  we  went  on,  and  the  man 
in  the  white  uniform  was  shaking  his  fists 
and  his  mouth  was  working  overtime,  but  we 
couldn't  hear  the  brand  of  profanity  he  was 
emitting,  but  we  knew  he  was  going  some, 
for  before  we  got  out  of  hearing  the  bugles 
were  sounding  on  more  than  a  dozen  battle 
ships,  the  men  came  up  from  below  and  took 
positions  in  the  rigging  and  everywhere,  and 
all  was  live  with  action,  and  the  boss  balloon 
man  said  the  fleet  was  preparing  for  its  trip 


Hit  the  Chief  of  Police  with  a  Bottle. 


76  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

around  the  horn,  to  San  Francisco,  and  then 
I  told  the  balloon  man  that  he  couldn't  land 
me  a  minute  too  quick,  because  I  was  going 
to  join  that  fleet  and  go  with  Bob  Evans,  if 
I  never  did  another  thing  in  my  life. 

The  inspiration  came  to  me  up  there  in  the 
rarefied  air,  and  I  was  as  sure  I  was  going 
around  the  Horn  as  though  I  was  already  on 
one  of  the  ships. 

We  sailed  along  part  of  the  day  and  the 
gas  began  to  give  out,  and  I  had  to  throw 
over  ballast,  and  open  cans  of  food,  and  bot 
tles  of  stuff  to  drink,  and  I  made  some  good 
shots  with  the  sand  bags  and  the  bottles. 
Once  I  hit  right  in  front  of  a  brakeman  on  a 
freight  train  with  a  bottle  of  soda  water, 
and  again  I  hit  an  oyster  schooner  with  a 
sand  bag  and  must  have  chuckled  at  least 
a  barrel  of  oysters.  The  gas  kept  escaping, 
and  presently  we  came  down  in  a  field  in 
Delaware,  after  I  had  hit  a  chief  of  police  in 
Wilmington  with  a  bottle  of  beer,  which  is  a 
crime  in  a  prohibition  country,  and  after  we 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  77 

landed  the  police  arrested  the  two  balloon 
men,  and  tied  up  the  balloon.  They  paid  me 
thirty  dollars  for  my  services,  and  I  took  a 
train  for  Fortress  Monroe  to  join  the  fleet, 
and  left  the  two  balloon  men  on  the  way  to 
a  whipping  post. 


VI. 

The  Balloon  Lands  in  Delaware — The  Boy 
Visits  the  Battleships — They  Scour  the 
Boy  With  a  Piece  of  Brick  and  Some 
Laundry  Soap — The  Boy  Investigates  the 
Mechanism  of  the  Battleships — The  Boy 
Goes  With  the  Ships  as  a  Mascot. 

When  our  balloon  that  sailed  from  St. 
Louis  came  down  in  Delaware,  and  I  had 
bid  good  bye  to  the  two  men  whom  I  sailed 
with,  and  they  had  paid  me  good  money 
for  my  services  and  keeping  them  awake, 
I  thought  of  that  fleet  we  had  passed  over 
at  Fortress  Monroe,  the  beautiful  white  bat 
tle  ships,  and  I  was  afraid  I  could  not  get 
there  before  it  sailed,  and  secure  my  berth, 
as  I  had  made  up  my  mind  to  go  with  it 
around  the  horn,  and  help  fight  Japan  or 
mosquitoes,  or  any  old  thing  that  came  in 
the  way,  so  I  took  the  first  train  to  Fort- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  79 

ress  Monroe,  and  found  that  the  whole  pop 
ulation  of  several  near  by  states  were  going 
too,  as  the  President  was  going  to  review 
the  fleet  before  it  sailed. 

The  next  day  I  was  at  the  hotel  at  Old 
Point  and  with  hundreds  of  other  people 
took  a  launch  and  went  out  among  the  bat 
tle  ships.  Everybody  was  welcome  to  go 
aboard  the  ships,  and  we  visited  several  of 
them  and  were  shown  all  over  the  vessels 
by  the  uniformed  jacks. 

Gee,  but  a  battleship  is  like  a  sky  scraper 
on  land,  and  you  can  go  from  the  roof  clear 
down  half  a  mile  below  the  water  line,  and 
it  is  like  a  combination  of  an  engine  manu 
factory,  a  boiler  plant,  a  coal  yard,  a  whole 
sale  grocery,  a  packing  house,  a  blacksmith 
shop,  a  department  store,  a  hotel,  a  powder 
mill,  a  suburban  trolley  line,  and  a  bargain 
sale  of  blankets,  a  state  fair  and  a  military 
encampment,  and  a  parade  ground,  a  county 
jail  and  an  apartment  house,  with  rooms  to 
let  on  the  European  plan  and  all  of  it  in  an 


8o  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

iron  coffin,  liable  to  go  to  the  bottom  any 
minute,  if  the  air  tanks  are  punctured. 

Gee,  but  I  was  almost  afraid  to  be  down 
cellar  in  a  battleship  without  any  life  pre 
server,  and  when  I  went  up  on  deck,  where 
I  could  jump  overboard  if  she  began  to  sink, 
there,  away  on  top  of  the  whole  old  cook 
stove,  were  guns  so  big  that  it  seemed  if 
one  got  to  moving  around  on  deck  it  would 
tip  the  ship  over.  It  seemed  to  me  like  bor 
ing  a  hole  in  a  flat  iron  and  crawling  in,  and 
being  put  in  a  bath  tub,  or  like  rigging  up 
a  coal  stave  with  paddles  and  outriggers, 
and  paddling  out  in  a  marsh  duck  shooting. 

The  first  hour  I  was  investigating  the 
mechanism  of  a  battleship  and  was  scared 
silly  for  fear  she  would  get  ready  to  sink, 
and  as  I  looked  at  the  iron  everywhere, 
which  I  had  been  taught  in  school  would 
sink  so  quick  it  would  make  your  head  swim, 
I  wondered  what  my  nation  could  be  think 
ing  of  to  build  ships  of  iron  and  depend  on 
wind  to  keen  them  on  top  of  the  water,  and 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  81 

I  thought  it  would  be  just  as  safe  to  cover 
an  iron  railroad  bridge  with  building  paper, 
and  launch  it  for  a  trip  across  the  ocean; 
and  yet  all  the  officers  and  men  seemed  to 
enjoy  it,  and  forget  about  the  danger,  for 
they  laughed  and  played  jokes,  and  put  on 
airs,  and  mashed  the  girls  who  came  on 
board  as  though  they  had  made  up  their 
minds  that  it  was  only  a  matter  of  time 
when  the  ships  would  sink,  and  they  seemed 
to  congratulate  themselves  that  when  they 
went  down  with  the  ships  a  time  lock  would 
close  them  up  hermetically  so  sharks  and 
devil  fish  couldn't  eat  the  crew,  and  they 
could  float  around  for  all  time  and  eternity 
safe  from  the  resurrection  as  they  would  be 
buried  in  a  safety  deposit  box  in  the  vault 
of  a  trust  company. 

Some  of  the  jacks  played  it  on  me.  They 
took  me  and  wrapped  an  angora  goat  skin 
around  me,  with  the  hair  outside,  and  tied 
a  string  to  my  feet,  and  run  it  out  of  the 
breach  of  the  big  sixteen  inch  gun,  and  an- 


They  Pulled  Me  Through  That  Forty- Foot  Gun  to  Swab  It  Out. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  83 

other  string  on  my  legs,  and  they  pulled  me 
back  and  forth  through  that  forty  foot  gun 
to  swab  it  out,  and  when  I  came  out  alive 
they  laughed  and  were  going  to  tie  a  bag  of 
shot  to  my  feet  and  let  me  off  a  plank  over 
the  side  to  practice  on  a  burial  at  sea,  but 
I  yelled  for  help  and  a  cross  looking  man 
came  along  and  pardoned  me,  and  V)ld  the 
fellows  to  take  me  to  his  cabin  and  wash  the 
powder  off  my  face,  and  hold  me  until  he 
could  have  a  talk  with  me.  When  they  had 
scoured  me  with  a  piece  of  brick  and  some 
yellow  laundry  soap,  the  man  came  into  the 
cabin,  and  the  boys  who  had  hazed  me  said 
he  was  Admiral  Evans,  and  I  remembered 
him  cause  once  when  he  was  in  the  light 
house  service  he  entertained  Pa  and  me  on 
his  light  house  tender,  and  held  me  on  his 
lap  at  the  New  Orleans  Mardi  Gras,  and  I 
said,  "Hello,  Mr.  Evans,  don't  you  remem 
ber  little  Hennery?  I  am  Peck's  Bad  Boy," 
and  he  remembered  me,  and  said,  "What 
n'ell  you  doing  here?"  and  I  told  him  I  knew 


84  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

what  he  was  up  against,  going  around  the 
horn,  and  to  San  Francisco  and  Japan  and 
the  Philippines,  and  that  I  wanted  to  go 
along  on  his  ship  as  a  mascot,  or  a  waiter  or 
anything,  and  he  said  he  didn't  know,  but 
I  would  be  a  good  mascot,  as  last  trip  they 
had  a  goat  and  a  monkey  for  mascots,  and 
I  had  a  combination  of  both,  and  if  he  was 
going  to  make  a  trip  to  hades,  or  any  cli 
mate  hotter  than  the  straits  of  Magellan, 
he  thought  I  would  be  all  right. 

He  asked  me  what  I  could  do  and  I  told 
him  there  was  nothing  that  I  couldn't  do  if 
properly  encouraged,  anything,  from  flying 
a  flag  of  truce  from  the  fighting  top,  to  rid 
ing  up  in  the  ammunition  elevator  with  five 
hundred  pounds  of  dynamite,  to  acting  as 
the  propeller  to  a  Whitehead  torpedo. 

We  talked  it  over  for  an  hour  and  he 
asked  about  Pa,  and  then  he  said  he  would 
think  it  over,  and  he  gave  me  a  ticket  with 
a  number  on,  and  told  me  to  be  on  the  front 
porch  of  the  Hotel  Chamberlaine  at  nine 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  85 

o'clock  the  second  morning  after,  and  if  a 
steam  launch  from  the  Connecticut  landed 
there  and  gave  two  whistles,  for  me  to  get 
on  board  with  my  baggage,  and  report  to 
him  before  the  fleet  sailed. 

Well,  say,  this  was  quick  work,  and  I 
called  a  launch  and  visited  the  other  vessels, 
promising  to  be  Johnny  on  the  spot  at  the 
appointed  hour. 

It  was  a  great  sight  to  see  the  review, 
when  the  President  came  along  on  the  yacht 
Mayflower  and  I  forgot  all  about  the  battle 
ships  being  of  iron  liable  to  sink  if  the  wind 
got  out  of  the  tanks,  and  was  never  so  proud 
in  my  life  as  I  was  when  I  saw  the  jacks 
climb  up  on  the  rigging  and  hang  on  like 
monkeys,  lined  up  like  they  were  drilling 
on  deck,  and  when  the  Connecticut  began 
to  fire  a  salute  to  the  President,  out  of  those 
great  iron  sewer  pipes,  and  all  the  rest  of 
the  fleet  began  to  shoot  at  the  air,  the  noise 
was  so  loud  that  it  made  your  head  feel  like 
you  do  when  you  take  seidletz  powders,  and 


86  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

it  gullups  up  your  nose,  and  the  smokeless 
powder  made  the  smoke  so  thick  you 
couldn't  see  anything  but  the  President's 
teeth,  as  he  sailed  along  on  his  yacht,  and 
I  got  so  patriotic  that  the  chills  went  up  my 
back  like  when  you  have  the  grip  coming 
on,  and  then  the  smoke  cleared  away  and 
when  a  million  American  flags  were  flung 
to  the  breeze,  I  began  to  choke  up  like  you 
do  when  you  are  sick  and  the  callers  say, 
"Well,  brace  up  boy,  you  may  pull  through, 
but  there  are  a  hundred  chances  against 
your  living  till  morning,"  and  the  tears 
rolled  down  my  cheeks,  and  my  throat  got 
full  like  I  had  the  tonsilitis,  and  everybody 
else  on  our  launch  except  two  Japanese 
were  crying,  and  then  the  President's  yacht 
took  a  position,  and  all  the  battleships  swing 
ing  into  line  and  marched  past,  and  the 
bands  played,  and  we  all  just  bellered  for 
patriotic  joy,  and  I  was  so  mad  to  see  those 
Japanese  standing  there  like  bottles  of  cas 
tor  oil,  not  even  smiling,  that  I  blew  up  a 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  87 

toy  balloon  which  I  have  been  playing  air 
ship  with,  and  I  whacked  it  on  the  head  of 
the  meanest  looking  Jap,  and  when  it  ex 
ploded  he  was  the  scardest-looking  person 
I  ever  saw,  because  he  thought  one  of  those 
sixteen-inch  shells  had  gone  off  in  his  hat, 
and  everybody  said,  "served  him  right/'* 
and  then  he  laughed,  the  first  time  since  the 
review  started,  and  he  wanted  the  skim  of 
my  toy  balloon  as  a  souvenir  of  the  first 
gun  fired  in  the  war  with  Japan. 

From  that  day,  when  I  had  examined  crit 
ically  our  fleet  and  seen  it  salute,  and  mon 
key  around  the  President,  I  felt  so  patriotic 
that  I  wanted  to  fight  for  my  country,  and 
I  could  hardly  wait  two  days  for  Mr.  Evans 
to  send  his  launch  ashore  after  me,  and  I 
didn't  care  if  the  whole  thing  was  iron,  that 
couldn't  float  under  natural  conditions  and 
if  Bob  Evans  should  put  oarlocks  on  a  bar 
of  railroad  iron,  and  put  me  on  it,  with  orders 
to  go  sink  a  Japanese  sampon,  or  whatever 
they  call  their  war  ships,  I  would  step  aboard 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  89 

that  bar  of  railroad  iron  with  a  light  heart, 
wave  my  hat  and  tell  them  all  to  go  plumb. 
So  we  went  ashore,  and  that  evening  there 
was  a  ball  at  the  hotel,  and  all  the  officers 
of  the  navy  were  there,  and  the  army,  and 
millions  of  ladies  with  clothes  on  the  lower 
half  of  them,  and  talcum  powder  and  black 
court  plaster  on  the  upper  half,  and  the  way 
they  danced  and  waltzed  and  flirted  and  et 
lobsters  would  make  you  dizzy,  and  when 
Bob  Evans  walked  limping  by  me,  with  a 
two-hundred-pound  lady  on  one  arm,  and  a 
ninety-pound  girl  on  the  rheumatiz  side  of 
him,  I  was  so  full  of  patriotic  fire  I  couldn't 
help  saying,  "Hello,  Bob,  I  will  be  on  deck 
all  right,"  and  he  looked  at  me  with  an  ex 
pression  on  his  face  that  looked  as  though 
he  had  drawn  a  lobster  that  had  been  dead 
too  long,  and  he  marched  along  with  his  fe 
male  procession,  and  the  orchestra  struck 
up  a  good-night  waltz,  and  everybody 
waltzed,  and  took  some  drinks,  and  went 
home  to  wait  the  sailing  of  the  fleet  the 


go  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

next  day,  and  I  went  to  bed  with  an  order 
to  be  called  at  sunrise,  so  I  could  be  on  the 
porch  with  my  ticket  in  my  hand,  ready  to 
jump  into  the  launch  when  she  whistled  and 
sail  away  "for  a  frolic  or  a  fight,"  and  I 
didn't  care  which. 


CHAPTER   VII. 

A  Storm  Comes  from  the  Coast  of  Cuba — 
Everyone  Goes  to  Sleep  on  the  Ship  Ex 
cept  the  Watchman  and  Pilot — The  Bad 
Boy  Is  Put  in  the  Dungeon — The  Captain 
Says  to  Throw  the  Boy  Overboard  to  Feed 
the  Sharks. 

I  feel  like  a  bridegroom  that  has  been 
left  waiting  at  the  church,  with  no  bride 
appearing,  and  the  crowd  scoffing  at  him, 
and  commenting  on  his  clothes. 

I  waited  on  the  porch  of  the  hotel  at  Fort 
ress  Monroe  all  the  forenoon  for  Mr.  Evans' 
launch  to  come  and  get  me  and  take  me 
aboard  his  gladship,  holding  my  ticket  in 
one  hand  and  my  bundle  of  clothes  in  the 
other. 

Launches  came  by  the  dozen,  bringing 
people  ashore,  but  no  one  was  allowed  to  go 
out  to  the  ships.  Finally  the  last  launch 


92  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

came,  and  it  was  manned  by  "Connecticut" 
men,  and  when  I  showed  my  ticket  and  was 
going  to  get  on,  the  boss  said  "skiddoo," 
the  boat  moved  away  with  one  of  my  feet 
on  board  and  the  other  on  the  dock,  and  I 
promptly  fell  in  the  water,  the  boss  of  the 
boat  yelled  to  some  one  on  the  dock  to  "get 
a  boat  hook  and  pull  it  out,"  and  soon  I 
came  up  strangling,  a  hook  caught  me  in 
the  pants  and  I  was  hauled  out  on  the 
dock,  they  rolled  me  on  a  barrel  and 
stood  me  on  my  head  to  empty  the  wa 
ter  out  of  me,  and  a  soldier  took  me  into 
the  kitchen  of  the  hotel  to  have  me  dried 
out  by  the  gas  boiler,  and  I  felt  deserted 
and  demoralized.  The  guns  boomed,  the 
bands  played,  and  I  looked  out  of  the 
kitchen  window  and  saw  the  fleet  sail  away 
south  without  me,  and  I  realized  that  Bob 
Evans  had  been  "stringing"  me,  and  that 
he  never  intended  I  should  go  around  the 
horn  with  the  fleet,  and  I  thought  that  may 
be,  if  he  was  a  liar,  and  used  profane  Ian- 


The  Boss  of  the  Boat  Ordered  Me  Pulled  Out  with  a  Boat  Hook. 


94  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

guage,  and  was  subject  to  rheumatism,  it 
was  better  that  I  did  not  go,  as  I  might  be 
spoiled.  But  they  can  go  plumb  with  their 
old  fleet,  and  if  the  Japs  get  Bob  Evans  and 
roast  him  over  the  coals,  all  I  hope  is  that  he 
will  be  sorry  for  treating  me  as  he  did. 

But  I  always  light  on  my  feet.  After  I 
got  dried  out,  I  met  a  man  who  was  picking 
up  a  crew  to  go  to  Europe  from  Baltimore 
on  a  cattle  ship,  and  he  pictured  to  me  the 
easy  life  on  the  ocean  wave  with  a  load  of 
steers,  and  hired  me  to  go  along,  and  I 
thought  it  was  the  chance  of  my  life  to  meet 
up  with  Pa,  who  is  over  there  hunting  air 
ships  for  his  government,  so  we  went  to 
Baltimore,  and  that  night  we  were  in  the 
cattle  ship  and  I  slept  in  a  hammock  and 
ate  my  bread  and  beef  out  of  a  tin  basin. 

Gee,  what  a  change  it  was  over  my  former 
trip  to  Europe  with  Pa,  on  a  regular  liner, 
with  a  bed  and  meals  in  the  cabin.  But 
when  a  boy  goes  out  in  the  world  to  gain 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  95 

his  own  living,  and  travel  on  his  face,  he 
has  got  to  take  what  comes  to  him. 

The  next  morning  my  work  began.  Our 
vessel  went  up  to  the  stock  yards,  and  began 
to  load  steers  for  shipment,  and  all  I  had 
to  do  was  to  act  as  a  ''twister."  When  the 
cattle  came  through  the  shute,  and  landed 
on  the  deck,  and  refused  to  go  into  the  dark 
places,  we  had  to  take  hold  of  the  tails  of 
the  cattle  and  twist  them  so  they  would 
move  on,  and  of  all  the  bellowing  you  ever 
heard,  that  was  the  worst. 

Whether  the  bellowing  was  caused  by  the 
tail  twisting,  or  because  the  cattle  were 
home  sick,  and  did  not  want  to  be  kid 
napped  or  "shonghaid"  on  board  a  foreign- 
bound  vessel,  I  don't  know,  but  it  was  more 
exciting  than  the  sea  fight  at  Santiago  and 
about  as  dangerous,  for  the  cattle  hooked 
with  their  horns  and  kicked,  and  I  was 
kicked  more  than  forty  times,  and  would 
have  quit,  only  the  man  that  hired  me  said 
if  any  of  us  were  injured  we  would  be  put 


g6  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

on  the  government  pension  list,  and  be  sup 
ported  in  luxury  the  balance  of  our  lives,  so 
I  worked  for  two  days,  and  finally  we  got  a 
thousand  or  more  steers  down  in  the  hold> 
sliding  them  down  on  skids,  and  they  were 
lined  up  in  stalls,  with  a  hay  rack  in  front  of 
them,  and  a  bar  across  behind  them,  and  we 
sailed  for  the  ocean,  after  feeding  the  cattle 
bailed  hay  and  giving  them  water  and  bed 
ding. 

It  seemed  to  me  those  cattle  were  almost 
as  comfortable  as  steerage  passengers  on  a 
liner,  but  they  kicked  and  bellowed,  and 
pawed  the  planks  off  the  deck,  and  mourned 
like  lost  souls. 

The  first  day  out  I  found  that  I  was  not  a 
passenger,  but  a  crew.  Instead  of  the  easy 
life  I  had  expected,  loafing  along  across  the 
ocean,  I  had  to  get  up  before  daylight  and 
skin  potatoes,  and  help  stir  soup,  and  pul 
verize  hard  tack,  and  carry  the  food  up  into 
the  cabin  for  the  officers,  and  be  sea  sick, 
and  wash  dishes  and  wait  on  table,  and  feed 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  97 

cattle,  and  do  everything  anybody  told  me 
to  do.  After  a  few  days  I  mutinied,  and 
went  to  the  captain  and  complained.  He  was 
an  English  nobleman,  and  after  hearing  my 
tale  of  woe,  he  told  me  if  I  didn't  like  it  I 
could  go  to  'ell,  and  I  went  down  cellar  to 
the  cook  room,  which  was  the  nearest  to 
'ell  I  could  go  on  that  vessel.  I  found  the 
man  that  hired  me,  and  told  him  I  seemed 
to  be  doing  the  most  of  the  work  on  the 
excursion,  and  that  I  wanted  an  assistant. 
He  said  if  I  thought  I  was  working  much 
now,  I  better  wait  until  we  run  into  a  storm, 
when  I  would  not  only  have  to  be  cook  and 
waiter  and  chamber  maid  to  the  steers,  but 
I  would  have  to  be  trained  nurse  down  in 
the  cattle  regions,  for  when  the  steers  be 
gan  to  be  sea  sick  that  was  a  time  when  any 
man  who  had  a  heart  could  use  it  to  the  best 
advantage,  for  there  was  nothing  more  piti 
ful  than  a  steer  with  a  pain  under  his  belt. 
He  said  steers  were  not  at  all  like  the  Irish 
man  who  was  on  the  bow  of  the  boat  on  the 


98  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

last  trip,  feeding  the  fish,  when  the  captain 
came  along  and  said,  "Pat,  your  stomach 
seems  to  be  weak,"  and  Pat  said,  "O,  I  dun- 
no,  I  am  throwing  it  as  far  as  any  of  them." 
He  said  when  there  was  a  storm  at  sea  the 
animals  acted  perfectly  human.  They  would 
get  down  on  their  knees  and  roll  their  eyes 
heavenward,  and  moan,  and  cry,  and  tears 
would  be  in  their  eyes,  but  they  never  lost 
their  cud,  only  they  swelled  up  and  bel 
lowed. 

Well,  it  wasn't  an  hour  before  a  storm 
came  from  towards  Cuba,  and  the  boat  was 
rocking  and  pitching,  and  the  captain  blew 
three  whistles,  which  was  a  signal  for  all 
hands  to  go  below  and  nurse  the  steers,  and 
we  all  made  a  rush  down  to  the  very  bow 
els  of  the  ship,  where  the  cattle  were,  and 
such  a  sight  I  never  saw. 

Every  steer  was  standing  on  one  leg  and 
then  another,  pitching  forward  into  the 
manger,  and  then  back  against  the  bar  that 
held  them  in  the  stall,  and  all  bellowing  as 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  99 

though  their  hearts  would  break,  and  the 
duty  of  the  crew  was  to  go  in  the  stalls  and 
throw  the  cattle  down  on  their  sides,  and 
tie  their  legs  so  they  couldn't  get  up,  when 
they  could  lie  there  and  ride  easy. 

They  sent  me  into  a  stall  where  a  steer 
was  slowly  dying  by  inches,  with  instruc 
tions  to  hold  up  his  left  foreleg,  so  they  could 
throw  him,  and  just  as  I  had  raised  the  leg 
they  threw  him  onto  me,  and  went  on  to 
the  next  stall,  leaving  me  with  the  wind  all 
jammed  out  of  me,  and  the  haunch  of  the 
steer  holding  me  down. 

They  went  all  through  the  lower  deck, 
got  the  steers  down,  and  went  off  and  left 
me  there  to  die,  never  seeming  to  miss  me. 
I  have  slept  with  a  good  many  different 
kinds  of  people  and  things  in  my  time.  I 
have  had  a  porcupine  crawl  into  bed  with 
me  when  camping  in  the  North  woods,  and 
he  was  rough  enough,  for  sure.  I  once  had 
a  skunk  come  into  a  tent  where  some  of  us 
boys  were  camping,  and  when  the  skunk 


100  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

found  out  who  we  were  he  didn't  do  a  thing 
and  all  the  boys  said  it  was  me,  and  they 
kicked  me  out,  and  made  me  sleep  with  the 
dogs,  until  the  dogs  struck,  when  I  was 
lonely  enough. 

Once  I  had  a  snake  get  under  my  blanket 
and  shake  his  rattles,  and  I  got  out  of  the 
tent  so  quick  the  snake  never  knew  I  was 
there,  but  in  my  wildest  moments  of  seek 
ing  for  new  experiences,  I-  never  thought  I 
should  be  a  pillow  for  the  stomach  of  a  sea 
sick  thousand-pound  steer. 

When  I  got  my  breath  so  I  could  yell  it 
was  night,  and  I  had  probably  been  under 
that  steer  for  several  hours.  I  tried  to  kick 
the  steer  in  a  vital  part,  where  ox  drivers 
kick  oxen  to  make  them  "haw"  and  "gee," 
but  the  steer  had  gone  to  sleep  and  never 
paid  any  attention  to  me. 

I  guess  everybody  had  gone  to  sleep  on 
the  ship,  except  the  watchman  and  the  pilot, 
but  I  could  lay  there  all*  night,  so  I  began 
to  make  a  noise  like  a  ghost,  and  I  wailed  so 


Am  Thv  Father's  GhostI— Come  on  In,  the  Water's   Fin  el— I   Smell  the 
Blood  of  an  Enal(8hman!" 


102  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  watchman  heard  me,  and  he  peered  down 
the  hatch,  and  I  mumbled,  "I  am  thy  fath 
er's  ghost,"  and  I  rubbed  some  phosphorus 
I  had  in  my  pocket  on  the  hair  of  the  steer 
that  was  acting  as  my  bed  clothes.  The  man 
skipped,  and  pretty  soon  he  came  back  with 
the  English  captain,  who  had  told  me  if  I 
didn't  like  my  job  I  could  go  to  'ell,  and 
when  he  saw  the  shining  steer  with  the 
phosphorus  on  its  hair,  I  wailed  and  said, 
"This  is  'ell,  come  in,  the  water  is  fine,  and 
I  smell  the  blood  of  an  Englishman." 

Well,  the  captain  weakened,  and  wouldn't 
come  down,  but  I  heard  bells  ringing  all  over 
the  boat,  like  a  fire  alarm,  and  pretty  soon 
the  whole  crew  came  down  cellar  with  hose 
and  began  to  squirt  water  on  the  steer  and 
me,  and  the  steer  was  so  scared  it  broke  the 
rope  on  its  legs  and  got  up  off  me,  and  then 
the  animal  stampeded  out  of  the  stall  and 
charged  the  firemen,  and  rubbed  its  phos 
phorus  side  against  the  English  captain,  and 
he  thought  he  was  in  hell,  for  sure,  and  he 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  103 

made  them  turn  the  hose  on  him,  and  then 
a  man  hit  the  steer  in  the  head  with  an  ax, 
and  the  trouble  was  over,  except  that  the 
captain  laid  it  all  to  me,  and  told  the  crew 
I  was  a  "  'oodoo,"  and  they  searched  me  and 
found  my  phosphorus,  and  that  settled  it 
with  me. 

They  were  ordered  to  put  me  in  the  dun 
geon,  and  when  they  were  going  up  stairs 
I  heard  the  captain  say,  "At  daylight  'oist 
it  h'out  of  the  'old,  and  chuck  it  h'over  board 
to  feed  the  sharks,"  so  I  guess  I  can  see  my 
finish  all  right. 


CHAPTER   VIII. 

The  Boy  Dresses  Up  in  His  Sunday  Clothes 
and  Tells  the  Captain  He  Is  Ready  to  Die 
— The  Crew  Throw  a  Steer  Overboard  to 
Feed  a  School  of  Sharks— The  Boy  Pro 
duces  His  New  Electric  Battery — The 
Bad  Boy  Makes  a  Trip  to  France  to  Meet 
His  Pa. 

I  never  slept  a  wink  that  night  after  the 
phosphorus  episode,  which  I  painted  the 
wild  steer  so  it  looked  like  a  four-legged 
ghost,  and  scared  the  crew  so  they  nearly  dec 
serted  the  ship,  because  the  captain  ordered, 
as  I  supposed,  that  I  be  cast  overboard  the 
next  morning,  to  give  the  sharks  a  meat 
sandwich,  and  all  night  I  tried  to  prepare 
myself  for  death,  though  I  could  not  help 
thinking  that  in  some  way  I  would  escape. 

The  next  morning  I  got  up  and  collected 
all  the  shoes  of  the  officers  and  got  a  black- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  105 

ing  brush  and  began  blacking  them.  Soon 
there  was  trouble,  because  every  man  missed 
his  shoes,  and  they  began  to  hunt  for  them, 
and  they  found  me  working  at  the  shoes  and 
singing,  "Pull  for  the  shore,  brother,"  and 
such  pious  hymns. 

I  was  dressed  up  in  my  Sunday  clothes, 
and  when  the  captain  got  his  shoes  he 
wanted  to  know  what  was  the  meaning  of 
my  sudden  industry,  and  the  funeral  aspect 
all  around,  and  I  told  him  I  had  heard  him 
tell  the  crew  to  chuck  me  overboard,  and  I 
was  preparing  myself  for  death,  and  I  gave 
him  a  letter  to  mail  to  Pa,  after  I  was  gone, 
md  told  the  captain  I  was  ready.  "Why, 
you  dumb  fool,"  said  the  captain,  "it  was 
not  you  I  meant  to  throw  overboard,  but 
that  phosphorus  steer  that  we  killed  last 
night.  They  are  hauling  it  up  out  of  the 
hold  now  with  the  tackle.  We  will  save  you 
for  a  worse  fate." 

Well,  I  never  felt  so  happy  in  my  life  as 
I  did  when  that  dead  steer  came  up  through 


106  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  hatchway,  and  was  launched  over  the 
side,  and  when  I  saw  the  flock  of  sharks 
jump  on  the  steer  and  begin  to  hunt  for  the 
tenderloin,  I  let  out  a  yell  for  joy  that 
sounded  like  the  cry  of  a  timber  wolf. 

Then  I  got  what  was  coming  to  me.  The 
captain  gave  me  a  swat  across  the  jaw  for 
making  noise  enough  to  scare  the  crew  into 
mutiny,  the  mate  gave  me  a  kick  when  I 
started  for  the  cook's  galley,  and  several  of 
the  under  officers  hit  me,  and  by  the  time 
I  got  my  apron  on  to  help  cook  dinner  I 
was  bruised  and  mad,  and  decided  to  get 
even  with  the  captain.  I  am  a  peaceful  citi 
zen  until  somebody  walks  on  my  frame,  then 
I  become  a  terror  to  the  foe. 

When  we  began  to  fry  the  beef  for  dinner 
I  told  one  of  the  crew  that  it  was  a  shame 
to  feed  men  on  steer  meat,  when  the  steer 
had  died  in  its  stall  of  Texas  fever  or  rhin- 
derpest,  and  before  we  got  the  meat  cooked, 
ready  for  the  dinner  of  the  officers  and  crew, 
every  man  but  the  officers  had  talked  over 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  107 

the  dead  steer,  and  resolved  that  they  would 
not  eat  it,  and  when  they  sat  down  to  the 
table,  and  I  began  to  bring  in  the  meat,  they 
all  looked  like  a  mob  of  anarchists  ready  to 
murder  somebody,  and  I  helped  all  I  could 
by  saying  in  a  whisper,  "This  is  perfectly 
good  meat,  but  this  is  a  good  day  to  fast, 
and  you  will  live  longer."  The  officers  at  the 
other  end  of  the  cabin  were  eating  the  steer 
all  right,  but  the  crew  never  touched  it,  con 
fining  themselves  to  the  bread  and  coffee, 
and  pretty  soon  one  of  the  crew  proposed 
that  they  show  their  displeasure  by  taking 
the  meat  and  throwing  it  at  the  officers. 

Well,  if  I  live  a  million  years  I  will  never 
have  so  much  fun  again.  About  thirty  men 
got  up  and  grabbed  the  meat  I  had  put  on 
their  plates,  and  began  to  throw  it  at  the 
captain  and  mate,  and  all  the  officers,  and 
of  all  the  greasy  mess  I  ever  saw,  that  was 
the  worst.  The  captain  got  up  on  a  chair 
and  pulled  a  revolver,  and  asked  what  was 
the  cause  of  the  assault,  and  was  going  to 


The  Captain  Got  Up  on  a  Chair  and  Pulled  a   Revolver  and  Was  Going  t» 
/  Shoot. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  109 

shoot,  when  the  crew  drew  revolvers  and 
told  him  that  if  he  pulled  a  trigger  they 
would  annihilate  every  officer  on  the  boat, 
and  take  charge  of  it  themselves,  and  run  it 
into  the  first  port.  He  said  the  crew  could 
stand  anything  except  eating  diseased  cat 
tle,  and  that  they  drew  the  line  at  steers  that 
had  died  of  rhinderpest. 

The  captain  was  stunned,  and  said  the 
beef  flying  through  the  air  was  good,  and  he 
got  it  from  cold  storage  in  Baltimore,  and 
asked  that  a  committee  go  with  him  down 
in  the  hold  and  see  the  evidence,  and  a  com 
mittee  was  appointed  to  go  down  and  see 
about  it. 

When  they  came  back  they  were  satisfied, 
and  the  captain  asked  them  how  they  got 
the  idea  the  meat  was  bad,  and  when  it  came 
to  that  I  felt  as  though  some  one  would 
squeal  on  me,  and  as  I  started  to  make  a 
get  away,  and  hide  somewhere  until  the 
storm  blew  over,  one  of  the  crew  took  me 


110  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

by  the  neck  and  said  to  the  captain,  "This 
young  man  told  us  about  the  meat." 

The  captain  told  the  fellow  that  had  me 
collared  to  take  me  to  his  cabin,  and  he  came 
in  pretty  mad,  and  called  in  a  few  officers, 
and  they  were  getting  ready  to  kill  me,  when 
I  thought  of  the  little  electric  battery  in  my 
pistol  pocket. 

It  is  one  I  got  in  St.  Louis  to  scare  peo 
ple  with.  I  can  turn  a  button,  and  the  bat 
tery  will  send  electricity  into  my  arm  and 
through  my  body,  and  I  turned  the  dingus, 
and  felt  the  electricity  going  through  me 
like  ginger  ale  up  your  nose,  and  when 
they  had  got  ready  to  maul  me  I  began  to 
weep,  and  told  the  captain  I  was  no  saint, 
but  I  wanted  a  quiet  life,  and  all  the  fun  I 
could  have,  and  I  asked  him  as  a  special  fa 
vor  to  allow  me  to  shake  his  hand  before 
I  died,  as  I  knew  my  earthly  career  was 
about  -done  for,  and  by  that  time  the  bat 
tery  was  buzzing,  and  I:  reached  out  my  hand 
to  shake  his.  He  gave  me  his  hand,  and 


X 


lave  Him  a  Squeeze  That  Sent  a  Shock  Through  Him  That  Loosened  HI» 

Teeth. 


112  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

when  I  began  to  squeeze  his  hand  the  elec 
tricity  went  up  his  arm  so  he  turned  pale, 
and  I  hung  on  and  he  yelled  to  the  officers 
to  take  me  off,  as  I  was  killing  him,  and  the 
sweat  stood  out  on  his  face. 

The  mate  grabbed  hold  of  me  and  I  gave 
him  my  other  hand  and  he  began  to  dance, 
and  the  three  of  us  were  as  full  of  electricity 
as  a  trolley  wire.  I  hung  on  and  made  them 
get  down  on  their  knees  and  swear  they 
would  not  lick  me,  and  then  I  let  go  of  them 
and  began  to  weep  again,  and  they  were 
sorry  for  me. 

Then  they  made  me  tell  them  who  I  was, 
and  that  I  was  going  to  France  to  meet  Pa, 
and  monkey  with  air  ships,  and  when  they 
were  sure  I!  was  Peck's  Bad  Boy  they  said 
I'  could  have  the  free  run  of  the  ship  and 
that  I  had  the  right  to  play  all  the  tricks 
on  anybody  that  I  wanted  to. 

They  made  me  show  them  how  I  worked 
my  little  pocket  battery  and  then  they 
wanted  me  to  shake  hands  with  all  the  crew 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  113 

so  they  got  the  whole  bunch  in  the  cabin 
and  the  captain  said  they  had  been  enter 
taining  an  angel  unawares,  and  that  I  was 
the  original  Bad  Boy,  who  had  traveled  all 
over  Europe  and  met  the  crowned  heads, 
and  he  wanted  to  introduce  me  to  each 
member  of  the  crew  personally,  as  a  distin 
guished  guest  who  honored  the  ship  by  be 
ing  on  board.  Then  he  began  to  pass  them 
up  to  be  shook  by  the  great  and  only. 

The  first  fellow  to  put  out  his  hand  was  a 
Greek,  who  drew  a  knife  on  me  once  be 
cause  the  coffee  was  weak,  and  I  gave  him  a 
squeeze  that  sent  a  shock  through  his. system 
that  loosened  his  teeth,  and  when  the  captain 
alluded  to  me  as  the  angel  child  who  was 
loaded  for  fear,  and  who  had  a  charmed  life 
that  could  not  be  destroyed  by  knives  or 
guns,  the  Greek  looked  at  me  in  a  respectful 
way  as  though  he  didn't  want  to  have  any 
more  truck  with  me. 

Then  a  big  Welshman  came  up  and  shook 
my  hand,  and  when  I'  gave  him  the  third 


114  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

degree  he  let  go  and  jumped  out  of  the 
window  of  the  cabin,  on  deck,  and  began  to 
use  language  that  was  equal  to  Russian,  and 
then  a  Swede  came  bowing  to  me,  thinking 
I  must  be  at  least  a  crown  prince,  and  when 
I  squeezed  his  hand  he  looked  at  his  ringers 
and  his  arm,  and  trembled  and  squirmed  and 
said,  "Ah  tank  a  got  yim  yams,"  and  he  lit 
out  in  a  hurry. 

A  small  Irishman  came  next,  and  as  he 
was  the  one  who  promised  to  cut  my  ears 
off  to  serve  on  toast,  I  gave  him  the  limit, 
and  he  curled  up  like  a  German  dockshound 
and  laid  down  to  the  mat,  making  motions 
with  his  mouth  as  though  he  was  repeating 
poetry,  and  he  said,  "Kape  away  from  me, 
ye  hoodoo,"  and  he  crawled  out  so  quick  it 
almost  broke  the  door. 

The  captain  and  mate  laughed  every  time 
I  shook  hands  with  any  of  the  crew,  and 
when  I  had  paralyzed  them  all,  and  got  them 
so  scared  they  would  come  to  me  if  I 
whistled,  and  eat  out  of  my  hand,  the  captain 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  115 

said  I  was  worth  more  towards  maintaining 
discipline  on  the  boat  than  a  whole  police 
force,  and  he  wanted  me  to  do  something 
every  day  to  keep  the  crew  from  being 
lonely,  so  that  night  at  supper  time  I 
charged  all  of  the  steel  knives  and  forks  with 
electricity  and  got  two  nigger  chasers  ready 
for  business. 

It  was  to  be  the  last  night  before  we 
landed  in  France,  and  I  was  prepared  to 
make  it  a  meal  long  to  be  remembered.  I 
sat  next  to  the  captain,  and  that  brought  me 
right  close  to  the  crew's  table,  and  when  the 
crew  filed  in  and  took  their  places,  they  all 
looked  at  me  as  though  I  was  the  devil  in 
stead  of  an  "angel  child." 

I  had  a  match  all  ready  and  when  the 
supper  was  put  on  and  the  crew  grabbed 
their  knives  and  forks  they  were  shocked 
real  hard,  and  they  dropped  them  and  yelled 
something  like  the  swear  words  of  each  na 
tionality,  and  then  I  put  my  nigger  chasers 


116  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

down  on  the  floor,  headed  for  the  crew's 
table,  and  lit  the  fuse. 

Well,  you  know  how  nigger  chasers  will 
chase.  Gee,  but  they  went  under  the  crew's 
table,  smoking  and  hissing,  the  sparks  flew, 
and  the  brave  crew  got  up  and  run  out  on 
deck  yelling  "fire,"  and  "murder,"  and  "dam 
that  boy,"  and  the  man  in  charge  of  the  fire 
hose  turned  it  into  the  cabin  and  drowned 
everything  out,  and  the  crew  run  away  and 
hid,  and  when  things  cleared  off  the  captain 
said,  "Boy,  I  like  a  joke  as  well  as  anybody, 
but  you  have  overdone  this  thing,  and  I 
am  mighty  glad  we  land  tomorrow,  and  you 
can  go  to  your  Pa  and  his  confounded  air 
ships,  and  may  the  Lord  have  mercy  on 
him." 

Then  we  went  to  bed,  and  I  expected  some 
of  the  crew  would  stab  me  before  morning, 
but  I  guess  they  were  too  much  rattled. 

Gee,  but  I  am  dying  to  see  Pa,  and  help 
him  spend  government  money  for  eatings, 
seems  as  though  I  haven't  had  a  square  meal 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  117 

since  my  chum  and  I  struck  that  community 
near  St.  Louis,  as  escaped  balloonaticks. 

Pa  has  had  the  hardest  time  of  his  life  in 
Paris,  and  if  I  ever  pitied  a  man  it  was 
Pa. 

You  see,  that  last  fly  in  the  airship  pretty 
near  caused  him  to  cash  in  his  chips,  and 
go  over  the  long  road  to  the  hereafter, 
cause  he  got  blood  poison  from  the  thorns 
that  run  into  him  where  he  landed  in  the 
top  limbs  of  the  thornapple  tree,  and  he 
sprained  his  arm  and  one  hind  leg  while  be 
ing  taken  down  with  a  derrick,  and  then 
before  we  left  the  country  town  for  Paris 
he  drank  some  goat's  milk,  which  gave  him 
ptomaine  poison  in  his  inside  works,  and  a 
peasant  woman  who  sewed  up  his  pants 
where  they  were  torn  on  the  tree  pricked 
him  with  a  needle,  and  he  swelled  up  so  he 
was  unable  to  sit  in  a  car  seat,  and  his  face 
was  scratched  by  the  thorns  of  the  tree  and 
there  were  blotches  all  over  him,  so  when 
we  got  to  Paris  the  health  officers  thought 


118  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

he  had  smallpox  and  sent  him  to  a  pest 
house,  and  they  wouldn't  let  me  in,  but 
vaccinated  me  and  turned  me  loose,  and  I 
went  to  the  hotel  and  told  about  where  Pa 
was,  and  all  about  it,  and  they  put  our  bag 
gage  in  a  sort  of  oven  rilled  with  sulphur 
and  disinfected  it,  and  stole  some  of  it,  and 
they  made  me  sleep  in  a  dog  kennel,  and 
for  weeks  I  had  to  keep  out  of  sight,  until 
Pa  was  discharged  from  the  hospital,  and 
the  friends  of  Pa  out  at  the  airship  club  in 
the  country  got  Pa's  airship  that  he  bought 
for  a  government  out  of  the  tree  and  took 
it  to  the  club  and  presented  a  bill  for  two 
hundred  dollars,  and  I  only  had  seven  dol 
lars,  so  they  held  it  for  ransom. 

Gee,  but  I  worried  about  Pa ! 

Well,  one  day  Pa  showed  up  at  the  hotel 
looking  like  he  had  been  in  a  railroad 
wreck,  and  he  was  so  thin  his  clothes  had 
to  be  pinned  up  with  safety  pins,  and  he  had 
spent  all  his  money,  and  was  bursted. 

The  man  who  hired  Pa  in  Washington  to 


Pat  Face  Wat  Scratched  80  They  Sent  Him  to  the  Pa*  Houa*. 


120  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

go  abroad  and  buy  airships  for  the  govern 
ment  told  Pa  to  use  his  own  money  for  a 
month  or  two  and  then  draw  on  the  sec 
retary  of  the  treasury  for  all  he  needed,  so 
before  Pa  went  to  the  hospital  he  drew  on 
his  government  for  ten  thousand  dollars, 
and  when  lie  came  back  there  was  a  letter 
for  him  from  the  American  Consul  in  Paris 
telling  him  to  call  at  the  office,  so  Pa  went 
there  and  they  arrested  him  on  the  charge 
of  skull  dugging.  They  said  he  had  no 
right  to  draw  for  any  money  on  the  gov 
ernment  at  Washington.  Pa  showed  his 
papers  with  the  big  seal  on,  and  the  consul 
laughed  in  Pa's  face,  and  Pa  was  hot  under 
the  collar  and  wanted  to  fight,  but  they 
showed  him  that  the  papers  he  had  were 
no  good,  and  that  he  had  been  buncoed  by 
some  fakir  in  Washington  who  got  five 
hundred  dollars  from  Pa  for  securing  him 
a  job  as  government  agent,  and  all  his 
papers  authorized  him  to  do  was  to  travel 
at  his  own  expense,  and  to  buy  all  the  air- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  121 

ships  he  wanted  to  with  his  own  money,  and 
Pa  had  a  fit.  All  the  money  he  had  spenl 
was  a  dead  loss,  and  all  he  had  to  show  for 
it  was  a  punctured  airship,  which  he  was 
afraid  to  ride  in. 

Pa  swore  at  the  government,  at  the  con 
sul,  and  at  the  man  who  buncoed  him,  and 
they  released  him  from  arrest,  when  he 
promised  that  he  would  not  pose  any  more 
as  a  government  agent,  and  we  went  back 
to  the  hotel. 

"Well,  this  is  a  fine  scrape  you  have  got 
me  in,"  says  Pa,  as  we  went  to  our  room. 

"What  in  thunder  did  I  have  to  do  about 
it?"  says  I,  just  like  that.  "I  wasn't  with 
you  when  you  framed  up  this  job  and  let 
a  man  in  Washington  skin  you  out  of  your 
money  by  giving  you  a  soft  snap  which  lias 
exploded  in  your  hands.  Gee,  Pa,  what 
you  need  is  a  maid  or  a  valet,  or  something 
that  will  hold  on  to  your  wad."  Pa  said  he 
didn't  need  anybody  to  act  as  a  guardian  to 
him,  cause  he  had  all  the  money  he  needed 


122  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

in  his  letter  of  credit  to  the  American  Ex 
press  Company  in  Paris,  and  he  knew  how 
to  spend  his  money  freely,  but  he  did  hate 
to  be  buncoed  and  made  the  laughing  stock 
of  two  continents. 

So  Pa  and  I-  went  down  to  the  Express 
Office,  and  Pa  gave  the  man  in  charge  a 
paper  and  the  grand  hailing  sign  of  distress, 
and  he  handed  out  bags  of  gold  and  bales 
of  bills,  and  Pa  hid  a  lot  in  his  leather  belt, 
and  put  some  in  his  pockets,  and  said,  "Come 
on,  Henry,  and  we  will  see  this  town,  and 
buy  it  if  we  like  it." 

Well,  we  went  out  after  dark  and  took 
in  the  concert  halls  and  things,  and  Pa  drank 
wine  and  I  drank  nothing  but. ginger  ale, 
and  women  who  waited  on  us  sat  in  Pa's 
lap  and  patted  his  bald  head,  and  tried  to 
feel  in  his  pockets,  but  Pa  held  on  to  their 
wrists  and  told  them  to  keep  away,  and  he 
took  one  across  his  knees  and  slapped  her 
across  the  pajamas  with  a  silver  tray,  and 
I  thought  Pa  was  real  saucy. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  123 

A  head  waiter  whispered  to  me  and 
wanted  to  know  what  ailed  the  old  sport, 
and  I  told  him  Pa  was  bitten  with  a  wolf  in 
our  circus  last  year,  and  we  feared  he  was 
going  to  have  hydrophobia,  and  always 
when  these  spells  come  on  the  only  thing 
to  do  was  to  throw  him  into  a  tank  of 
water,  and  I  should  be  obliged  to  them  if 
they  would  take  Pa  and  duck  him  in  the 
fountain  in  the  center  of  the  cafe,  and  save 
his  life. 

Pa  was  making  up  with  the  girl  he  had 
paddled  with  the  silver  tray,  buying  cham 
pagne  for  her  and  drinking  some  of  it  him 
self  out  of  her  slipper,  when  the  head  waiter 
called  half  a  dozen  Frenchmen  who  were 
doing  police  duty,  and  told  them  to  duck 
Pa  in  the  fountain,  and  they  grabbed  him 
by  the  collar  and  the  pants  and  made  him 
walk  turkey  towards  the  fountain,  and  he 
held  on  to  the  girl,  and  the  Frenchmen 
threw  Pa  and  the  girl  into  the  brink  with  a 
flock  of  ducks,  and  they  went  under  water, 


124  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  Pa  came  up  first  yelling  murder,  and 
then  the  girl  came  up  hanging  to  Pa's 
neck,  and  she  gave  a  French  yell  of  agony, 
and  Pa  gave  the  grand  hailing  sign  of  dis 
tress,  and  yelled  to  know  if  there  was  not 
an  American  present  that  would  protect 
an  American  citizen  from  the  hands  of  a 
Paris  mob.  The  crowd  gathered  around 
the  circular  fountain  basin  and  one  drunken 
fellow  jumped  in  the  water  and  was  go 
ing  to  hold  Pa's  head  under  water  while 
the  girl  found  his  money,  when  Pa  yelled 
"Hey,  Rube,"  the  way  they  do  in  a  circus 
when  there  is  a  fight,  and  by  ginger  it 
wasn't  a  second  before  half  a  dozen  old  cir 
cus  men  that  used  to  belong  to  the  circus 
when  Pa  was  manager  in  the  States  made 
a  rush  for  the  fountain,  knocked  the  French 
men  galley  west,  and  pulled  Pa  out  of  the 
water  and  let  him  drain  off,  and  they  said, 
"Hello,  old  man,  how  did  you  happen  to  let 
them  drown  you?"  and  Pa  saw  who  the  boys 
were  and  he  hugged  them,  and  invited 


ker  Pa  Had  Peen  Ducked  in  the  Fountain  They  Charged  for  Two  Ducta  H* 
Killed  by  Palling  on  Them. 


126  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

them  to  all  take  something  and  then  go  to 
his  hotel. 

When  Pa  paid  the  check  for  the  drinks 
they  charged  in  two  ducks  they  said  Pa 
killed  in  the  tank  by  falling  on  them.  But 
Pa  paid  it* and  was  so  tickled  to  meet  the 
old  circus  boys  that  he  gave  the  girl  he 
went  in  swimming  with  a  twenty-franc 
note,  and  after  staying  until  along  towards 
morning  we  all  got  into  and  on  top  of  a 
hack  and  went  to  the  hotel  and  sat  up  till 
daylight  talking  things  over. 

We  found  the  circus  boys  were  on  the 
way  to  Germany  to  go  with  the  Hagenbach 
outfit  to  South  Africa  to  capture  wild  ani 
mals  for  circuses,  and  when  Pa  told  the 
boss,  who  was  one  of  Hagenbach's  man 
agers,  about  his  airship  and  what  a  dandy 
thing  it  would  be  to  sail  around  where  the 
lions  and  tigers  live  in  the  jungle,  and  lasso 
them,  from  up  in  the  air,  out  of  danger,  he 
engaged  Pa  and  me  to  go  along,  and  I 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  127 

guess  we  will  know  all  about  Africa  pretty 
soon. 

The  next  day  we  went  out  to  the  club 
where  Pa  keeps  his  airship,  with  the  boss 
of  Hagenbach's  outfit  and  a  cowboy  that 
used  to  be  with  Pa's  circus,  to  practice  las 
soing  things.  They  got  out  the  machine 
and  Pa  steered  it,  and  the  boss  and  I  were 
passengers,  and  the  cowboy  was  on  the  rail 
ing  in  front  with  his  lariat  rope,  and  we 
sailed  along  about  fifty  feet  high  over  the 
.farms,  until  we  saw  a  big  goat.  The  cow 
boy  motioned  for  Pa  to  steer  towards  the 
goat,  and  when  we  got  near  enough  the 
cowboy  threw  the  rope  over  the  goat's 
horns  and  tightened  it  up,  and  Mr.  Goat 
came  right  along  with  us,  bleating  and  fight 
ing.  We  led  the  goat  about  half  a  mile  over 
some  fences,  and  finally  came  down  to 
the  ground  to  examine  our  catch,  and  we 
landed  all  right,  and  Hagenbach's  boss 
said  it  was  the  greatest  scheme  that  ever 
was  for  catching  wild  animals,  and  he 


128  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

doubled  Pa's  salary,  and  said  we  would 
pack  up  the  next  day  and  go  to  the  Hagen- 
bach  farm  in  Germany  and  take  a  steamer 
for  South  Africa  in  a  week. 

They  were  talking  it  over,  and  the  cow 
boy  had  released  the  goat,  when  that  ani 
mal  made  a  charge  with  his  head  on  our 
party.  He  struck  Pa  below  the  belt,  butted 
the  boss  in  the  trousers  until  he  laid  down 
and  begged  for  mercy,  stabbed  the  cowboy 
with  his  horns,  and  then  made  a  hop,  skip 
and  jump  for  the  gas  bag,  burst  a  hole  in 
it,  and  when  the  gas  began  to  escape  the 
goat's  horns  got  caught  in  the  gas  bag  and 
the  goat  died  from  the  effects  of  the  gas. 
and  we  were  all  glad  until  about  fifty  peas 
ant  women  came  across  the  fields  with  ag 
ricultural  implements,  and  were  going  to 
kill  us  all. 

Pa  said,  "Well,  what  do  you  know  about 
that?"  but  the  women  were  fierce  and 
wanted  our  blood.  The  boss  could  talk 
French  and  he  offered  to  give  them  the 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  129 

goat  to  settle  it,  but  they  said  it  was  their 
goat  anyway,  and  they  wanted  blood  or 
damages. 

Pa  said  it  was  easier  to  give  damages 
than  blood,  and  just  as  they  were  going  to 
cut  up  the  gas  bag  the  boss  settled  with  them 
for  about  twenty  dollars,  and  hired  them  to 
haul  the  airship  to  the  nearest  station,  and 
we  shipped  it  to  Berlin,  and  got  ready  to 
follow  the  next  day. 

Pa  says  we  will  have  a  high  old  time  in 
Africa.  He  says  he  wants  to  ride  up  to  a 
lion's  den  in  his  airship  and  dare  the  fiercest 
lion  to  come  out  and  fight,  and  that  he 
wouldn't  like  any  better  fun  than  to  ride  over 
a  royal  Bengal  tiger  in  the  jungle,  and  reach 
down  and  grab  his  tail,  and  make  him  snarl 
like  a  torn  cat  on  a  fence  in  the  alley. 

He  talks  about  riding  down  a  herd  of  ele 
phants,  and  picking  out  the  biggest  ones, 
and  roping  them;  and  the  way  Pa  is  going 
to  scare  rhinoceroses  and  hippopotamuses 


130  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  make  them  bleat  like  calves  is  a  won 
der. 

I  think  Pa  is  the  bravest  man  I  ever  saw, 
when  he  tells  it,  but  I  noticed  when  we  had 
that  goat  by  the  horns  and  he  was  caught 
in  a  barbed  wire  fence,  so  the  airship  had  to 
slow  down  until  he  came  loose,  Pa  turned 
as  pale  as  a  sheet,  and  when  the  goat  bucked 
him  in  the  stomach  Pa's  lips  moved  as 
though  he  was  praying.  Well,  anyway, 
this  trip  to  Africa  to  catch  wild  animals  is 
going  to  show  what  kind  of  sand  there  is 
in  all  of  us. 


IX. 

The  Bad  Boy  Arrives  in  France  —  The  Boy's 
Pa  Is  Suspected  of  Being  an  Anarchist  — 
The  Boy  Finds  Pa  Seated  at  a  Large 
Table  Bragging  About  America  —  He 
Told  Them  the  Men  in  America  Were  All 
Millionaires  and  Unmarried. 


The  greatest  relief  I  ever  experienced 
getting  off  of  that  cattle  ship,  which  I  did 
somewhere  in  France,  because  the  ship  had 
become  so  foul  smelling  that  one  had  to 
stay  on  deck  to  breathe,  and  there  was  no 
more  fun  to  have,  cause  the  officers  and  crew 
got  on  to  me,  and  everyone  expected  to  be 
blown  up  or  electrocuted  if  they  got  near 
to  me,  and  the  last  three  days  they  wouldn't 
let  me  eat  in  the  cabin  or  sleep  in  my  ham 
mock,  so  I  had  to  go  down  with  the  cattle 
and  eat  hot  bran  mash,  and  sleep  in  the  hay. 
Gee,  but  when  you  eat  hot  bran  mash  for 


132  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

a  few  days  you  never  want  to  look  at  break 
fast  food  again  as  long  as  you  live. 

I  traded  my  electric  battery  to  a  deck 
hand  for  a  suit  case,  and  so  I  looked  like 
a  tourist,  because  I  went  to  a  hotel  and  got 
a  square  meal,  and  had  a  porter  paste  some 
hotel  ads.  on  my  suit  case,  and  I  took  a 
train  for  Paris,  looking  for  Pa,  cause  I 
knew  he  wouldn't  be  far  away  from  the 
bullyvards. 

I  left  my  baggage  at  a  hotel  where  we 
stopped  when  we  were  in  Paris  before,  and 
the  man  who  spoke  shattered  English  told 
me  Pa  was  rooming  there,  but  he  was  not 
around  much,  because  he  was  being  enter 
tained  by  the  American  residents,  and  had 
some  great  scheme  that  took  him  away  on 
secret  expeditions  often,  and  they  thought 
he  was  either  an  anarchist  or  grafter,  and 
since  the  assassination  of  the  king  and 
crown  prince  of  Portugal  the  police  had 
overhauled  his  baggage  in  his  room  several 
times,  but  couldn't  find  anything  incrimi- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  133 

nating,  so  I  had  my  baggage  sent  to  Pa's 
room,  and  went  out  to  find  Pa,  and  pick  up 
something  that  would  throw  suspicion  on 
him  if  he  showed  any  inclination  to  go  back 
on  me  when  I  found  him. 

It  was  getting  along  towards  dark  when 
I  walked  down  a  bullyvard  where  Pa  used 
to  go  when  we  were  in  Paris  before,  and 
as  I  came  to  a  cafe  where  there  was  a  sign, 
English  spoken,  I  saw  a  crowd  out  on  the 
sidewalk  surrounding  tables,  eating  and 
drinking,  and  there  was  one  big  table  with 
about  a  dozen  men  and  women,  Americans, 
Frenchmen  and  other  foreigners,  listening 
to  an  elderly  man  bragging  about  America, 
and  I'  saw  it  was  Pa,  but  he  was  so 
changed  that  but  for  his  bald  head  and 
chin  whiskers  I  would  not  have  known 
him. 

He  had  on  French  clothes,  one  of  those 
French  silk  hats  that  had  a  flat  brim  and 
a  bell  crown,  and  he  had  a  moustache  that 


134  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

was  pointed  at  the  ends  and  was  waxed  so 
it  would  put  your  eyes  out. 

Pa  was  telling  them  that  all  the  men  in 
America  were  millionaires  and  unmarried, 
and  that  all  of  them  came  abroad  to  spend 
money  and  marry  foreign  ladies,  to  take 
them  back  to  America  and  make  queens  of 
them,  and  he  looked  at  a  French  woman 
across  the  table  with  goo-goo  eyes,  and  she 
said  to  the  man  next  to  her,  "Isn't  he  a 
dear,  and  what  a  wonder  he  is  not  married 
before,"  and  Pa  smiled  at  her  and  put  his 
hand  on  his  watch  chain,  on  which  there 
hung  gold  nuggets  as  big  as  walnuts,  and 
he  fixed  a  big  diamond  in  his  scarf,  so  the 
electric  light  would  hit  it  plenty. 

They  ate  and  drank  and  the  party  began 
to  break  up,  when  Pa  and  the  beautiful 
woman  were  alone  at  the  table,  and  they 
hunched  up  closer  together,  and  Pa  was  talk 
ing  sweet  to  her,  and  telling  her  that  all 
wives  in  America  had  special  trains  on  rail 
roads,  and  palaces  in  New  York,  and  at 


Fireworks  Went  Off— the  Woman  Threw  a  Fit,  and  Pa  Raised  Out  of 

ihe  Smoke. 


136  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Newport  and  in  Florida,  and  yachts  and 
gold  mines,  and  she  could  be  the  queen  of 
them  all  if  she  would  only  say  the  word, 
and  she  was  just  going  to  say  the  word,  or 
something,  and  had  his  fat,  pudgy  hand  in 
both  of  hers,  and  was  looking  into  his  eyes 
with  her  own  liquid  eyes,  and  seemed  ready 
to  fall  into  his  arms,  when  I  got  up  behind 
him  and  lighted  a  giant  fire  cracker  and  put 
it  under  his  chair  and  just  as  the  fuse  was 
sputtering,  I  said,  "Pa,  ma  wants  you  at 
the  hotel,"  and  the  fireworks  went  off,  the 
woman  threw  a  fit  and  Pa  raised  up  out  of 
the  smoke  and  looked  at  me  and  said, 
"Now,  where  in  hell  did  you  come  from 
just  at  this  time?"  and  the  head  waiter  took 
the  woman  into  a  private  room  to  bring 
her  out  of  her  fit,  the  waiters  opened  the 
windows  to  let  the  smoke  out,  and  the 
crowd  stampeded,  and  the  police  came  in 
to  pull  the  place  and  find  the  anarchist  who 
threw  the  bomb,  and  Pa  took  me  by  the 
hand  and  we  walked  up  the  sidewalk  to  a 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  137 

corner,  and  when  we  got  out  of  sight  of  the 
crowd  Pa  said,  "Hennery,  your  ma  ain't  here, 
is  she?"  in  a  pitiful  tone,  and  I  said  no  she 
wasn't  along  with  me  this  trip,  and  Pa  said, 
"Hennery,  you  make  me  weary,"  and  we 
walked  along  to  the  hotel,  Pa  asking  me  so 
many  questions  about  home  that  it  was  a 
like  a  catekism. 

When  we  got  to  the  hotel  and  went  to 
Pa's  room  and  I  told  him  what  I'  had  been 
doing  since  he  abandoned  me,  he  said  he 
was  proud  of  me,  and  now  he  had  plenty  of 
work  and  adventure  for  me  to  keep  him  in. 

He  said  he  had  tried  several  airships,  by 
having  someone  else  go  up  in  them,  and 
that  he  was  afraid  to  go  up  in  one  himself, 
and  he  seemed  glad  that  I  had  been  balloon 
ing  around  home,  and  he  said  he  could  use 
me  to  good  advantage. 

I  asked  him  about  the  woman  he  was 
talking  to  about  marriage,  and  he  said  that 
was  all  guff,  that  she  had  a  husband  who 
had  invented  a  new  airship,  and  he  was  try- 


138  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

ing  to  get  title  to  it  for  use  in  America,  for 
war  purposes,  and  that  the  only  way  to  get 
on  the  right  side  of  these  French  women 
was  to  talk  about  marriage  and  money,  be 
cause  for  money  any  of  them  would  leave 
their  husbands  on  fifteen  minutes'  notice. 
He  said  he  had  arranged  for  a  trial  of  the 
airship  the  next  day,  from  a  place  out  in 
the  country,  and  that  I  could  go  up  with 
the  inventor  of  the  ship  and  see  how  it 
worked  and  report,  so  we  went  to  bed  and 
I  slept  better  than  I  had  since  I  shipped 
on  the  cattle  ship. 

In  the  morning  while  we  were  taking 
baths  and  preparing  for  breakfast,  I  found 
that  Pa  had  been  flying  pretty  high  on  gov 
ernment  money,  and  he  had  all  kinds  of 
gold  and  paper  money  and  bonds,  and  he 
made  people  think  he  owned  most  of 
America. 

Pa  asked  me  how  the  people  at  home 
looked  upon  his  absence,  and  if  they  ad 
vanced  any  theories  as  to  the  cause  of  his 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  139 

being  abroad,  and  I  told  him  that  every 
body  from  the  President  down  to  Rocke 
feller  knew  about  what  he  was  out  looking 
after,  and  that  when  I  left  Bob  Evans  at 
Fortress  Monroe  he  told  me  to  tell  Pa  to 
send  a  mess  of  airships  to  him  so  he  would 
meet  them  when  he  got  to  San  Francisco, 
as  he  wanted  to  paralyze  the  Japs  if  they 
got  busy  around  the  fleet,  which  pleased 
Pa,  and  he  said,  "]ust  tell  the  people  to 
wait,  and  I  will  produce  airships  that  can 
fight  battles  in  the  clouds,  but  it  will  take 
time." 

Then  we  went  out  in  the  country  about 
a  dozen  miles,  and  met  the  inventor  and 
his  wife,  and  the  inventor  filled  a  big  bal 
loon  that  looked  like  a  weiner  sausage  with 
gas  that  he  made  over  a  fire  out  in  a  field, 
and  the  inventor  and  I  got  on  a  bamboo 
frame  under  the  balloon,  and  he  turned  on 
the  gasoline  that  runs  the  wheel  for  steering, 
and  they  cut  her  loose  and  we  went  up  about 
fifty  feet  and  sailed  around  the  country  a 


140  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

half  mile  either  way  and  watched  Pa  and  the 
wife  of  the  inventor  as  they  sat  under  a  tree 
and  talked  politics. 

We  came  back  after  a  while  and  Pa  was 
proud  of  me  for  having  so  much  nerve,  and 
I  told  him  the  government  at  home  was 
complaining  because  Pa  didn't  go  up  in  the 
airships,  cause  they  said  he  couldn't  buy 
airships  intelligently  unless  he  tried  them 
out,  and  that  if  he  didn't  look  out  they 
would  send  some  expert  out  to  take  his 
place  and  spend  the  money,  and  as  we  were 
landed  on  the  ground  I  dared  Pa  to  get  on 
the  frame  and  go  up  with  us  for  a  little 
spin,  and  he  was  afraid  the  woman  would 
think  he  was  a  coward  if  he  didn't,  so  he 
got  up  and  straddled  the  ridge  pole  of  the 
bamboo  frame,  and  said  he  would  take  a 
whirl  at  it  if  it  killed  him.  The  balloon  thing 
couldn't  quite  lift  all  of  us,  so  I  got  off  and 
give  her  a  lift,  and  up  she  went  with 
the  inventor  steering,  and  Pa  hanging  on 


Sho  Went  with  the  Inventor  Steering,  and  Pa  Hanging  On  for  D««r  Uf*. 


142  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

for  dear  life  and  saying,  "Now  I  lay  me  down 
to  sleep." 

I  have  seen  some  scared  men  in  my  life, 
but  when  the  machine  got  up  about  as  high 
as  a  house,  so  Pa  couldn't  get  off,  and  the 
woman  waved  a  handkerchief  at  Pa,  he 
swallowed  his  Adam's  apple  and  said, 
"Let  her  go  Gallagher,"  and  Gallagher,  the 
Frenchman,  let  her  go. 

Well,  you'd  a  died  to  see  the  thing  wob 
ble  and  see  Pa  cling  on  with  his  feet  and 
hands.  For  about  a  quarter  of  a  mile  she 
went  queer,  like  a  duck  that  has  been  wing- 
tipped,  and  then  she  began  to  descend. 

First  she  passed  over  a  lot  of  cows  that 
women  were  milking,  and  the  cows  stam 
peded  one  way  and  the  women  the  other 
way,  and  the  women  were  scared  more 
than  the  cows,  cause  when  they  got  out  from 
under  the  ship  they  prayed,  but  the  cows 
didn't. 

Then  the  ship  struck  a  field  where  about 
•forty  women  were  piling  onions  on  the 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  143 

ground,  and  it  just  scattered  women  and 
onions  all  over  the  field,  and  of  all  the  yell 
ing  you  ever  heard  that  was  the  worst. 

Pa  yelled  to  them  that  if  he  ever  got  off 
that  hay  rack  alive  he  would  pay  the  dam 
ages,  and  he  thought  lie  was  swearing  at 
them.  Then  the  worst  thing  possible  hap 
pened.  The  airship  went  up  over  a  tree, 
and  Pa  was  scared  and  he  grabbed  a  limb 
and  let  go  of  the  bamboo,  and  there  he  was 
in  the  top  of  a  thornapple  tree.  The  bal 
loon  went  over  all  right,  and  the  inventor 
steered  it  away  to  where  it  started  from, 
and  the  woman  and  I  watched  Pa.  The 
thorns  were  about  two  inches  long  and  more 
than  a  hundred  of  them  got  into  Pa  and  he 
yelled  all  kinds  of  murder,  and  then  the 
women  who  owned  the  cows  and  onions  the 
ship  had  wrecked  surrounded  the  tree  with 
hoes  and  rakes  and  pitchforks,  and  they  made 
such  a  frantic  noise  that  Pa  did  not  dare 
to  come  down  out  of  the  tree.  So  Pa  told 
us  to  take  the  train  back  to  Paris  and  send 


144  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  American  Consul  and  the  police  and  a 
hook  and  ladder  company  to  get  him  down 
and  protect  him. 

I  told  Pa  I  didn't  want  to  go  off  and  leave 
him  to  be  killed  by  strange  women,  and 
maybe  eaten  by  wolves  before  morning, 
but  he  said,  "Don't  talk  back  to  me,  you  go 
and  send  that  patrol  wagon  and  the  hook 
and  ladder  truck,  and  be  quick  about  it  or 
I  won't  do  a  thing  to  you  when  I  catch 
you." 

So  we  went  and  put  the  airship  in  a  barn 
and  went  back  to  town  and  turned  in  a  po- 
lice^and  fire  alarm  to  rescue  Pa.  The  chief 
said  there  was  no  use  in  going  out  there  in 
the  country  before  morning,  because  the 
women  couldn't  get  up  the  thornapple  tree 
and  Pa  couldn't  get  down.  So  I  went  to  bed 
and  dreamed  about  Pa  all  night,  and  had 
a  perfectly  lovely  time. 


CHAPTER  X. 

Pa  Had  the  Hardest  Time  of  His  Life  in 
Paris — Pa  Drinks  Some  Goat  Milk  Which 
Gives  Him  Ptomaine  Poison  in  His  Inside 
Works — Pa  Attends  the  Airship  Club  in 
the  Country — Pa  Draws  on  American 
Government  for  $10,000. 

Pa  has  had  the  hardest  time  of  his  life 
in  Paris,  and  if  I  ever  pitied  a  man  it  was 
Pa. 

You  see  that  last  fly  in  the  airship  pretty 
near  caused  him  to  cash  in  his  chips  and  go 
over  the  long  road  to  the  hereafter,  cause  he 
got  blood  poison  from  the  thorns  that  run 
into  him  where  he  landed  in  the  top  limbs 
of  the  thorn  apple  tree,  and  he  sprained  his 
arm  and  one  hind  leg  while  being  taken 
down  with  a  derrick,  and  then  before  we 
left  the  country  town  for  Paris  he  drank 
some  goat's  milk,  which  gave  him  ptomaine 


146  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

poison  in  his  inside  works,  and  a  peasant 
woman  who  sewed  up  his  pants  where  they 
were  torn  on  the  tree  pricked  him  with  a 
needle,  and  he  swelled  up  so  he  was  unable 
to  sit  in  a  car  seat,  and  his  face  was  scratched 
by  the  thorns  of  the  tree,  and  there  were 
blotches  all  over  him,  so  when  we  got  to 
Paris  the  health  officers  thought  he  had 
smallpox  and  sent  him  to  a  pest  house,  and 
they  wouldn't  let  me  in,  but  vaccinated  me 
and  turned  me  loose,  and  I  went  to  the  hotel 
and  told  about  where  Pa  was  and  all  about 
it,  and  they  put  our  baggage  in  a  sort  of  oven 
filled  with  sulphur  and  disinfected  it  and 
stole  some  of  it,  and  they  made  me  sleep  in 
a  dog  kennel,  and  for  weeks  I  had  to  keep 
out  of  sight,  until  Pa  was  discharged  from 
the  hospital,  and  the  friends  of  Pa  out  at 
the  airship  club  in  the  country  got  Pa's  air 
ship  that  he  bought  for  a  government  out  of 
the  tree  and  took  it  to  the  club  and  pre 
sented  a  bill  for  two  hundred  dollars,  and  I 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  147 

only  had  seven  dollars,  so  they  held  it  for 
ransom. 

Gee,  but  I  worried  about  Pa ! 

Well,  one  day  Pa  showed  up  at  the  hotel 
looking  like  he  had  been  in  a  railroad  wreck, 
and  he  was  so  thin  his  clothes  had  to  be 
pinned  up  with  safety  pins,  and  he  had  spent 
all  his  money  and  was  bursted. 

The  man  who  hired  Pa  in  Washington  to 
go  abroad  and  buy  airships  for  the  govern 
ment  told  Pa  to  use  his  own  money  for  a 
month  or  two  and  then  draw  on  the  secre 
tary  of  the  treasury  for  all  he  needed,  so  be 
fore  Pa  went  to  the  hospital  he  drew  on  his 
government  for  ten  thousand  dollars,  and 
when  he  came  back  there  was  a  letter  for 
him  from  the  American  consul  in  Paris  tell 
ing  him  to  call  at  the  office,  so  Pa  went  there 
and  they  arrested  him  on  the  charge  of  skull 
dugging.  They  said  he  had  no  right  to  draw 
for  any  money  on  the  government  at  Wash 
ington.  Pa  showed  his  papers  with  the  big 
seal  on,  and  the  consul  laughed  in  Pa's  face, 


148  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  Pa  was  hot  under  the  collar  and  wanted 
to  fight,  but  they  showed  him  that  the  pa 
pers  he  had  were  no  good,  and  that  he  had 
been  buncoed  by  some  fakir  in  Washington, 
who  got  five  hundred  dollars  from  Pa  for  se 
curing  him  a  job  as  government  agent,  and 
all  his  papers  authorized  him  to  do  was  to 
travel  at  his  own  expense  and  to  buy  all  the 
airships  he  wanted  to  with  his  own  money, 

and  Pa  had  a  fit.    All  the  money  he  had  spent 

\" 

was  a  dead  loss,  and  all  he  had  to  show  for 
it  was  a  punctured  airship,  which  he  was 
afraid  to  ride  in. 

Pa  swore  at  the  government,  at  the  con 
sul  and  at  the  man  who  buncoed  him,  and 
they  released  him  from  arrest  when  he 
promised  that  he  would  not  pose  any  more 
as  a  government  agent,  and  we  went  back 
to  the  hotel. 

"Well,  this  is  a  fine  scrape  you  have  got 
me  in,"  says  Pa,  as  we  went  to  our  room. 
"What  in  thunder  did  I  have  to  do  about 
it?"  says  I,  just  like  that.  "I  wasn't  with 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP 

you  when  you  framed  up  this  job  and  let  a 
man  in  Washington  skin  you  out  of  your 
money  by  giving  you  a  soft  snap  which  has 
exploded  in  your  hands.  Gee,  Pa,  what  you 
need  is  a  maid  or  a  valet  or  something  that 
will  hold  on  to  your  wad."  Pa  said  he  didn't 
need  anybody  to  act  as  a  guardian  to  him, 
cause  he  had  all  the  money  he  needed  in  his 
letter  of  credit  to  the  American  Express 
Company  in  Paris,  and  he  knew  how  to 
spend  his  money  freely,  but  he  did  hate  to 
be  buncoed  and  made  the  laughing  stock  of 
two  continents. 

So  Pa  and  I  went  down  to  the  express  of 
fice,  and  Pa  gave  the  man  in  charge  a  paper, 
and  the  grand  hailing  sign  of  distress,  and 
he  handed  out  bags  of  gold  and  bales  of  bills, 
and  Pa  hid  a  lot  in  his  leather  belt  and  put 
some  in  his  pockets,  and  said:  "Come  on, 
Henry,  and  we  will  see  this  town  and  buy  it 
if  we  like  it." 

Well,  we  went  out  after  dark  and  took  in 
the  concert  halls  and  things,  and  Pa  drank 


150  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

wine  and  I  drank  nothing  but  ginger  ale,  and 
women  who  waited  on  us  sat  in  Pa's  lap  and 
patted  his  bald  head  and  tried  to  feel  in  his 
pockets,  but  Pa  held  on  to  their  wrists  and 
told  them  to  keep  away,  and  he  took  one 
across  his  knee  and  slapped  her  across  the 
pajamas  with  a  silver  tray,  and  I  thought  Pa 
was  real  saucy. 

A  head  waiter  whispered  to  me  and 
wanted  to  know  what  ailed  the  old  sport, 
and  I  told  him  Pa  was  bitten  by  a  wolf  in 
our  circus  last  year  and  we  feared  he  was 
going  to  have  hydrophobia,  and  always  when 
these  spells  come  on  the  only  thing  to  do 
was  to  throw  him  into  a  tank  of  water,  and 
I  should  be  obliged  to  them  if  they  would 
take  Pa  and  duck  him  in  the  fountain  in  the 
center  of  the  cafe  and  save  his  life. 

Pa  was  making  up  with  the  girl  he  had 
paddled  with  the  silver  tray,  buying  cham 
pagne  for  her  and  drinking  some  of  it  him 
self  out  of  her  slipper,  when  the  head  waiter 
called  half  a  dozen  Frenchmen  who  were  do- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  151 

ing  police  duty  and  told  them  to  duck  Pa 
in  the  fountain,  and  they  grabbed  him  by 
the  collar  and  the  pants  and  made  him  walk 
turkey  towards  the  fountain,  and  he  held  on 
to  the  girl,  and  the  Frenchmen  threw  Pa  and 
the  girl  into  the  brink  with  a  flock  of  ducks, 
and  they  went  under  water,  and  Pa  came  up 
first  yelling  murder,  and  then  the  girl  came 
up  hanging  to  Pa's  neck,  and  she  gave  a 
French  yell  of  agony,  and  Pa  gave  the  grand 
hailing  sign  of  distress  and  yelled  to  know 
if  there  was  not  an  American  present  that 
would  protect  an  American  citizen  from  the 
hands  of  a  Paris  mob.  The  crowd  gathered 
around  the  circular  fountain  basin,  and  one 
drunken  fellow  jumped  in  the  water  and  was 
going  to  hold  Pa's  head  under  water  while 
the  girl  found  his  money,  when  Pa  yelled 
"Hey,  Rube,"  the  way  they  -do  in  a  circus 
when  there  is  a  fight,  and  by  ginger  it  wasn't 
a  second  before  half  a  dozen  old  circus  men 
that  used  to  belong  to  the  circus  when  Pa 
was  manager  in  the  States  made  a  rush  for 


152  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  fountain,  knocked  the  Frenchmen  gaily 
west  and  pulled  Pa  out  of  the  water  and  let 
him  drain  off,  and  they  said,  "Hello,  old 
man,  how  did  you  happen  to  let  them  drown 
you?"  and  Pa  saw  who  the  boys  were  and 
he  hugged  them  and  invited  them  to  all  take 
something  and  then  go  to  his  hotel. 

When  Pa  paid  the  check  for  the  drinks 
'they  charged  in  two  ducks  they  said  Pa 
killed  in  the  tank  by  falling  on  them.  But 
Pa  paid  it  and  was  so  tickled  to  meet  the 
old  circus  boys  that  he  gave  the  girl  he  went 
in  swimming  with  a  twenty  franc  note,  and 
after  staying  until  along  towards  morning 
we  all  got  into  and  on  top  of  a  hack  and 
went  to  the  hotel  and  sat  up  till  daylight 
talking  things  over. 

We  found  the  Circus  boys  were  on  the 
way  to  Germany  to  go  with  the  Hagenbach 
outfit  to  South  Africa  to  capture  Wild  Ani 
mals  for  circuses,  and  when  Pa  told  the  boss, 
who  was  one  of  Hagenbach's  managers, 
about  his  airship  and  what  a  dandy  thing 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  153 

it  would  be  to  sail  around  where  the  lions 
and  tigers  live  in  the  Jungle,  and  lasso  them 
from  up  in  the  air,  out  of  danger,  he  engaged 
Pa  and  me  to  go  along,  and  I  guess  we  will 
know  all  about  Africa  pretty  soon. 

The  next  day  we  went  out  to  the  club 
where  Pa  keeps  his  airship,  with  the  boss 
of  Hagenbach's  outfit  and  a  cowboy  that 
used  to  be  with  Pa's  circus,  to  practice 
lassoing  things.  They  got  out  the  machine 
and  Pa  steered  it,  and  the  boss  and  I  were 
passengers,  and  the  cowboy  was  on  the  rail 
ing  in  front  with  his  lariat  rope,  and  we 
sailed  along  about  fifty  feet  high  over  the 
farms,  until  we  saw  a  big  goat.  The  cow 
boy  motioned  for  Pa  to  steer  towards  the 
goat,  and  when  we  got  near  enough  the 
cowboy  threw  the  rope  over  the  goat's  horns 
and  tightened  it  up,  and  Mr.  Goat  came  right 
along  with  us,  bleating  and  fighting.  We 
led  the  goat  about  half  a  mile  over  some 
fences,  and  finally  came  down  to  the  ground 
to  examine  our  catch,  and  we  landed  all 


154  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

right,  and  Hagenbach's  boss  said  it  was  the 
greatest  scheme  that  ever  was  for  catching 
wild  animals,  and  he  doubled  Pa's  salary 
and  said  we  would  pack  up  the  next  day  and 
go  to  the  Hagenbach  farm  in  Germany  and 
take  a  steamer  for  South  Africa  in  a  week. 

They  were  talking  it  over  and  the  cowboy 
had  released  the  goat,  when  that  animal 
made  a  charge  with  his  head  on  our  party. 
He  struck  Pa  below  the  belt,  butted  the  boss 
in  the  trousers  until  he  laid  down  and  begged 
for  mercy,  stabbed  the  cowboy  with  his 
horns  and  then  made  a  hop,  skip  and  jump 
for  the  gas  bag,  burst  a  hole  in  it,  and  when 
the  gas  began  to  escape  the  goat's  horns  got 
caught  in  the  gas  bag  and  the  goat  died  from 
the  effects  of  the  gas,  and  we  were  all  glad 
until  about  fifty  peasant  women  came  across 
the  fields  with  agricultural  implements  and 
were  going  to  kill  us  all. 

Pa  said,  "Well,  what  do  you  know  about 
that,"  but  the  women  were  fierce  and  wanted 
our  blood.  The  boss  could  talk  French,  and 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  155 

he  offered  to  give  them  the  goat  to  settle  it, 
but  they  said  it  was  their  goat  any  way,  and 
they  wanted  blood  or  damages. 

Pa  said  it  was  easier  to  give  damages  than 
blood,  and  just  as  they  were  going  to  cut  up 
the  gas  bag  the  boss  settled  with  them  for 
about  twenty  dollars,  and  hired  them  to  haul 
the  airship  to  the  nearest  station,  and  we 
shipped  it  to  Berlin  and  got  ready  to  follow 
the  next  day. 

Pa  says  we  will  have  a  high  old  time  in 
Africa.  He  says  he  wants  to  ride  up  to  a 
lion's  den  in  his  airship  and  dare  the  fiercest 
lion  to  come  out  and  fight,  and  that  he 
wouldn't  like  any  better  fun  than  to  ride 
over  a  royal  bengal  tiger  in  the  jungle  and 
reach  down  and  grab  his  tail  and  make  him 
synawl  like  a  torn  cat  on  a  fence  in  the  alley. 

He  talks  about  riding  down  a  herd  of  ele 
phants  and  picking  out  the  biggest  ones  and 
roping  them;  and  the  way  Pa  is  going  to 
scare  rhinoceroses  and  hippopotamuses  and 
make  them  bleat  like  calves  is  a  wonder. 


156  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

I  think  Pa  is  the  bravest  man  I  ever  saw, 
when  he  tells  it,  but  I  noticed  when  we  had 
that  goat  by  the  horns  and  he  was  caught  in 
a  barbed  wire  fence,  so  the  airship  had  to 
slow  down  until  he  came  loose,  Pa  turned 
as  pale  as  a  sheet,  and  when  the  goat  bucked 
him  in  the  stomach  Pa's  lips  moved  as 
though  in  praying.  Well,  anyway,  this 
trip  to  Africa  to  catch  wild  animals  is  going 
to  show  what  kind  of  sand  there  is  in  all 
of  us. 


XL 


The  Boy  and  His  Pa  Leave  France  and  Go 
to  Germany,  Where  They  Buy  an  Airship 
— They  Get  the  Airship  Safely  Landed — 
Pa  and  the  Boy  With  the  Airship  Start 
for  South  Africa — Pa  Shows  the  Men 
What  Power  He  Has  Over  the  Animal 
Kingdom. 

I  was  awful  glad  to  get  out  of  France 
and  into  Germany,  and  when  we  had  got 
the  airship  safely  landed  at  the  Hagenbach 
stock  farm  and  boxed  and  baled  ready  to 
load  on  a  boat  for  South  Africa,  and  all 
hands  had  drank  a  few  schooners  of  beer, 
and  felt  brave  enough  to  tackle  any  wild  ani 
mal  that  walks  the  earth,  I  listened  to  the 
big  talk  and  the  gestures,  though  I  couldn't 
understand  a  word  they  said,  except  when 
they  held  up  their  fingers  for  more  beer. 

I  felt  that  we  had  got  among  Americans 


158  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

again,  because  all  a  German  needs  to  be  an 
American  is  to  be  able  to  talk  a  little 
broken  English.  The  French  are  all  right 
in  their  way,  but  they  are  too  polite.  If  a 
Frenchman  wants  to  order  you  out  of  his 
place  he  is  so  polite  about  it  that  you  think 
he  wants  you  to  stay  there  always  and  be 
at  home. 

If  a  German  wants  you  to  get  out  he 
says  "Rouse"  in  a  hoarse  voice,  and  if  you 
don't  rouse  he  gives  you  a  swift  kick  in  the 
pants  and  you  instinctively  catch  on  to  the 
fact  that  you  are  due  some  other  place. 

The  Germans  that  are  with  us  on  the 
animal  hunt  in  South  Africa  all  speak 
English,  and  while  at  the  Hagenbach  farm 
Pa  convinced  everybody  that  he  was  the 
bravest  animal  man  in  the  world,  "cause  he 
would  go  up  to  any  cage  where  the  animals 
had  been  tamed  and  act  as  free  with  them 
as  though  he  did  not  know  fear,"  and  he 
went  around  in  his  shirt  sleeves  the  way  he 
used  to  in  the  circus,  and  would  pat  a  lion 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  159 

on  the  head,  and  if  the  animal  growled  Pa 
would  scowl  at  him  and  make  the  lion  be 
lieve  Pa  was  king  of  beasts. 

Pa  has  found  that  putting  on  a  pair  of 
automobile  goggles  and  getting  down  on 
his  hands  and  knees  and  crawling  towards 
the  animal  in  captivity  frightens  the  animal 
into  a  fit,  but  I  guess  when  he  tries  that 
stunt  on  wild  animals  on  the  veldt  of  Af 
rica  he  will  find  it  does  not  work  so  well. 

I  expect  to  have  to  bring  Pa  back  the 
way  they  transport  canned  sausage,  after  a 
few  wild  lions  and  tigers  and  hippopot 
amuses  have  used  him  for  a  cud  to  chew 
on. 

Before  we  took  the  steamer  for  South 
Africa  I  had  the  first  serious  talk  with  Pa 
that  I  have  had  since  I  joined  him  in  Paris. 
I  said,  "Pa,  don't  you  think  this  idea  of 
chasing  wild  animals  in  Africa  with  an  air 
ship  is  going  to  be  a  sort  of  a  dangerous 
proposition?"  and  Pa  began  to  look  brave, 
and  he  said,  "Hennery,  this  is  an  age  of 


160  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

progress,  and  we  have  to  get  out  of  the  rut, 
and  catch  up  with  the  procession  and  lead 
it.  The  old  way  of  capturing  wild  animals 
by  enticing  them  into  baited  traps  and  let 
ting  them  touch  a  spring  and  imprison 
themselves  is  about  as  dangerous  as  catch 
ing  mice  in  a  wire  trap  with  a  piece  of 
cheese  for  bait. 

"Of  course,  we  shall  take  along  all  of  the 
traps  and  things  usually  used  for  that  pur 
pose,  because  roping  animals  from  an  air 
ship  is  only  an  experiment,  and  we  want  to 
be  on  the  safe  side,  but  if  the  airship  proves 
a  success  I  will  be  considered  the  pioneer 
in  airship  wild  animal  capturing,  and  all 
animal  men  will  bow  down  to  your  Pa,  see, 
and  my  fortune  will  be  made.  We  will  get 
into  the  animal  country  and  locate  a  few 
lions  and  tigers,  first,  and  sail  over  their 
lairs  in  the  jungle,  and  while  I  hold  the 
steering  apparatus  our  cowboys  will  sit  on 
the  bamboo  rails  of  the  ship  and  throw  the 
rope  over  their  necks,  and  when  they  find 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  161 

we  have  got  them  where  the  hair  is  short 
they  will  lie  down  and  bleat  like  a  calf,  and 
when  we  dismount  and  go  up  to  them  to  tie 
their  legs  they  will  be  so  tame  they  will 
eat  out  of  your  hand. 

"I  have  got  it  all  figured  out  in  my  mind 
and  I  don't  want  you  or  anybody  else  to 
butt  in  with  any  discouraging  talk,  for  I 
won't  have  it." 

"But  suppose  the  airship  gets  caught  in 
a  tree?"  I  said  to  Ra.  "Well,  then,  we  will 
tie  up  and  catch  baboons,"  said  Pa.  "Every 
thing  goes  with  your  Pa,  Hennery." 

Well,  it  was  like  moving  a  circus  to  get 
the  stuff  loaded  for  South  Africa,  as  we  had 
more  than  fifty  cages  to  put  animals  in  to 
bring  home,  and  tents  and  food  enough  for 
an  arctic  expedition,  and  over  two  hundred 
men,  and  several  tame  lionesses  and  female 
tigers  to  use  for  decoys,  and  some  ele 
phants  for  Judases  to  rope  in  the  wild  ani 
mals,  and  when  we  got  started  it  was  more 
than  a  week  before  we  struck  the  coast  of 


162  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Africa,  and  all  there  was  to  do  on  the  trip 
was  to  play  poker  and  practice  on  the  tame 
animals. 

We  almost  lost  a  tame  lioness.  Pa 
wanted  to  show  the  men  what  power  he 
had  over  the  animal  kingdom  and  he  in 
duced  the  manager  to  turn  Carrie  Nation, 
the  big  lioness,  loose  on  deck,  while  Pa  put 
on  his  auto  goggles  and  scared  her.  Gee, 
but  I  thought  I  was  an  orphan  for  sure. 
The  boys  had  trained  that  lioness  to  be  a 
retriever,  like  a  water  spaniel,  and  on  every 
trip  some  of  the  boys  would  jump  over 
board  when  there  was  no  sea  on  and  let 
Carrie  jump  over  the  rail  and  rescue  them, 
so  when  they  let  her  out  she  thought  there 
was  going  to  be  a  chance  for  her  to  get  her 
regular  salt  water  bath,  and  that  it  was  ex 
pected  that  she  would  do  her  stunt  at  res 
cuing  a  human  being. 

When  she  was  let  out  of  her  cage  and 
the  crowd  was  lined  up  all  around  the  rail, 
and  she  saw  Pa  in  the  middle  of  the  deck, 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  163 

on  all  fours,  with  the  black  goggles  on,  she 
looked  around  at  the  crowd  of  her  friends 
as  much  as  to  say,  "What  is  the  joke?"  but 
she  sidled  up  to  Pa  and  lashed  her  tail 
around  and  began  to  play  with  Pa  as  a  kit 
ten  would  play  with  a  ball  of  yarn. 

She  put  her  paw  on  Pa  and  rolled  him 
over,  and  when  Pa  got  right  side  up  and 
crawled  towards  her  looking  fierce,  she 
side  stepped  and  cuffed  him  on  the  jaw  and 
everybody  laughed  except  Pa. 

Then  Pa  thought  he  would  make  a 
grandstand  play  and  drive  her  back  in  her 
cage,  and  he  started  towards  her  real  fast 
on  his  hands  and  knees,  and  gave  a  "honk- 
honk"  like  an  auto,  and  we  thought  she  was 
scared,  but  I  guess  she  wasn't  frightened 
so  you  would  notice  it,  for  she  jumped  side 
ways  and  got  around  behind  Pa,  and  I 
said,  "Sick  him,  Carrie,"  and  by  gosh  she 
grabbed  Pa  by  the  slack  of  his  pants  and 
made  a  rush  for  the  railing,  and  before  I 
could  grab  her  by  the  tail  she  jumped  right 


Pa  Gav«  a  "Honk,  Honk"  Like  an  Auto,  But  the  Lion  Waew't  Friahtened 

You  Would  Notice. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  165 

overboard  with  Pa  in  her  mouth,  and  land 
ed  kersplash  in  the  deep  blue  sea,  with  Pa 
yelling  to  the  men  to  take  her  off. 

We  all  rushed  to  the  rail,  and  I  began 
to  cry,  but  the  boys  told  me  not  to  be  scared, 
as  Carrie  would  bring  Pa  to  the  yawl  all 
right. 

The  men  launched  a  life  boat  and  the 
lioness  was  swimming  around  with  Pa  in 
her  teeth,  as  though  she  was  a  dog  with  a 
rag  doll  in  its  mouth. 

Pa  was  swallowing  salt  water  and  say 
ing  something  that  sounded  like  "Now  I 
lay  me,"  and  Carrie  was  trying  to  keep  his 
head  out  of  the  water  by  lifting  hard  on  his 
pants,  and  finally  the  life  boat  got  near 
them  and  they  grabbed  Pa  by  the  legs  and 
pulled  him  in  and  he  laid  down  in  the  bot 
tom  of  the  boat,  and  the"  lioness  climbed 
over  the  side  and  began  to  shake  herself, 
and  then  she  licked  the  salt  water  off,  and 
when  the  boat  came  alongside  she  jumped 
up  on  the  deck  and  rolled  over  and  turned 


166  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

somersaults,  and  then  they  pulled  Pa  on 
deck  and  when  he  got  his  sea  legs  on  he 
said  to  the  manager  of  the  expedition  and 
the  captain  of  the  boat,  "Gentlemen,  I  have 
rescued  your  lion,  and  I  claim  salvage,  and 
you  can  give  me  credit  for  whatever  she  is 
worth  as  a  show  animal,"  and  then  Carrie 
went  to  her  cage,  and  everybody  patted  Pa 
on  the  back  and  made  him  think  he  had 
saved  a  thousand-dollar  lion  from  drown 
ing. 

Pa  asked  me  to  accompany  him  to  our 
stateroom,  and  when  the  door  was  closed 
and  he  saw  my  tear-stained  face,  he  said, 
"You  think  you  are  dam  smart,  don't  you? 
I  heard  you  say  sick  him  to  that  old  moth- 
eaten  lion,  and  now  don't  you  ever  inter 
fere  with  my  plans  again.  I  got  that  lion 
so  frightened  by  my  fierce  look,  and  the 
noise  I  made,  that  she  jumped  overboard, 
and  I  went  along  to  save  her.  Now,  help 
me  off  with  my  clothes  and  rub  me  down, 
and  I  will  go  out  and  chase  a  tiger  round 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  167 

the  deck,  and  make  it  climb  up  into  the 
rigging  and  beg  to  be  taken  down.  That 
is  the  kind  of  a  man  your  Pa  is,"  and  Pa 
began  to  shuck  himself,  and  I  rubbed  him 
down  as  if  he  was  a  race  horse.  I  can  see 
that  when  we  come  to  the  wild  animal  fields 
Pa  is  going  to  astonish  the  natives. 

We  landed  at  a  port  in  South  Africa  in 
the  night,  and  before  morning  we  had  all 
our  stuff  on  a  special  train  and  about  day 
light  we  pulled  out  for  a  place  about  three 
hundred  miles  from  the  coast,  and  the  next 
day  we  were  in  camp  with  the  tents  all  up 
and  the  cages  in  place,  and  had  engaged 
two  hundred  negroes  with  no  clothes  on  to 
help  us. 

When  they  saw  the  airship  spread  out 
ready  to  be  filled  with  gas  when  we  got 
ready  to  use  it,  some  of  them  deserted,  but 
we  got  others  to  take  their  places. 

I  suppose  when  we  fill  that  gas  bag  with 
chemical  gas  and  it  begins  to  flop  around, 
there  won't  be  a  negro  left  in  Africa. 


168  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

We  were  in  wild  animal  country  all  right. 
The  first  night  the  lions  in  the  jungle  kept 
us  awake,  and  Carrie  Nation  answered 
every  time  the  wild  lions  bellowed,  unftil 
Pa  had  to  go  and  maul  her  with  a  bamboo 
club. 

The  next  morning  there  were  lion  tracks 
all  around  camp,  and  Pa  says  the  trouble  is 
going  to  be  that  the  lions  will  hunt  us  in 
stead  of  our  having  to  go  after  them. 

A  drove  of  zebras  stampeded  by  our  camp 
the  first  morning,  a  couple  of  giraffes  were 
looking  us  over  from  a  hill  top,  and  a  rhi 
noceros  went  through  the  camp  and  stole  a 
smoked  ham. 

Pa  is  so  scared  he  stays  in  his  tent  most 
of  the  time  and  shivers.  He  says  he  has 
got  chills  and  fever,  but  I  can  tell  when  a 
man's  heart  comes  up  in  his  mouth,  and 
chokes  him. 

I  told  him  this  morning  that  if  he  showed 
the  white  feather  now  it  was  all  off  with 
him,  and  the  Hagenbach's  would  leave  him 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  169 

in  Africa  to  be  adopted  by  a  tribe.  Pa  said, 
"You  watch  me  when  we  get  to  catching  ani 
mals.  I  will  make  any  animal  that  crosses 
my  path  think  he  has  run  into  a  live  wire." 
Well,  I  hope  Pa  will  not  be  a  coward. 


CHAPTER  XII. 

All  Kinds  of  Climates  in  South  Africa — Pa 
Hires  Men  to  Capture  Wild  Animals — 
The  Boy  and  His  Pa  Capture  Some 
Tigers  and  a  Big  Lion — They  Have  a 
Narrow  Escape  from  a  Rhinoceros. 

I  don't  know  whether  I  like  the  climate 
of  South  Africa  or  not,  but  you  can  have 
any  kind  of  climate  you  are  looking  for, 
from  the  Alaska  kind  to  the  tropical  kind, 
the  same  day. 

I  think  it  is  the  climate  that  makes  all  the 
animals  so  mad.  One  minute  a  lion  or  a 
tiger  may  be  lolling  with  his  tongue  out, 
fighting  flies  and  scratching  fleas,  and  the 
next  minute  there  are  icicles  on  his  mous 
tache,  and  he  has  to  crawl  into  a  hole  in  the 
ground  to  keep  from  freezing. 

These  natives  beat  me.  They  do  not  wear 
any  clothes  except  a  doily,  made  of  bark  or 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  171 

grass,  over  their  loins,  and  from  the  doily, 
above  and  below,  their  skin  is  bare,  and  they 
ought  to  be  arrested  for  disorderly  conduct 
and  exposure,  but  their  skin  is  thick  and 
warty  like  a  rhinoceros,  and  when  it  freezes 
it  looks  like  pickled  pigs'  feet. 

One  man  we  have  hired  to  help  capture 
animals  is  a  native  chief  with  sixty  wives, 
and  he  has  brought  them  all  to  camp  with 
him,  and  we  have  to  feed  them,  and  it  is 
rumored  the  women  all  have  their  caps  set 
for  Pa,  if  the  husband  dies,  and  Pa  is  afraid 
they  will  kill  their  old  man  and  select  Pa  to 
fill  the  vacancy,  that  being  the  unwritten 
law  that  a  man's  wives  can  select  a  husband. 

Gee,  if  I  had  to  be  a  stepson  to  all  those 
sixty  senegambians  that  look  like  monkeys 
in  the  face  and  when  on  dress  parade  like 
oxen,  I  should  die,  or  they  would,  if  I  could 
find  chloroform  enough  to  go  around. 

Well,  Pa  is  trying  his  best  to  save  the 
life  of  that  husband  of  the  sixty  wives,  and 
every  time  one  of  the  wives  pats  Pa  on  the 


172  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

back  or  chucks  him  under  the  chin  he  has 
a  chill,  and  I  know  he  will  do  something 
desperate  if  they  get  after  him  in  flocks. 

I  suppose  I  ought  not  to  have  done  it,  but 
I  told  one  of  the  wives  who  understands  a 
little  English  that  Pa  liked  to  be  hugged 
and  squeezed,  and  held  on  the  girls'  laps,  so 
when  we  get  through  work  at  night  and  sit 
around  the  camp  fire  they  take  turns  hold 
ing  Pa  on  their  laps,  and  he  thinks  one  of 
the  women  broke  one  of  his  ribs  hugging 
him,  cause  they  are  strong  as  giants,  and 
have  a  terrible  squeeze. 

I  told  one  of  them  she  could  make  herself 
solid  with  Pa  if  she  could  get  him  a  nice 
long  snake,  so  she  went  off  into  the  jungle 
alone  and  came  back  dragging  a  snake  more 
than  twenty  feet  long,  and  put  it  in  Pa's 
tent  when  he  was  asleep.  When  Pa  woke 
up  in  the  morning  and  found  the  snake 
coiled  upon  his  blanket  he  threw  a  fit  and 
went  to  the  doctor  and  got  some  medicine 


When  Pe  Found  tht  Snake  Colltd  Up  en  Hie  Blanket  He  Thrtw  »  »^ 


174  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

for  chills  and  fever,  and  we  put  the  snake 
into  a  cage  to  sell  to  a  menagerie. 

The  old  airship  got  in  its  work  the  first 
time  we  tried  it,  though  we  didn't  make  gas 
enough  to  more  than  half  fill  it,  and  it 
wouldn't  fly,  but  we  got  some  tigers  and 
a  big  lion,  all  right. 

We  took  the  airship  out  on  an  open 
prairie  and  built  a  fire  to  make  the  gas  for 
the  balloon,  and  Pa  made  everybody  stay 
away  from  it  except  me,  and  when  we  got  it 
inflated  we  were  to  blow  a  horn,  and  the 
people  we  wanted  to  go  along  could  come, 
but  the  crowd  of  workers  and  negroes  must 
stay  back,  so  as  not  to  scare  the  animals, 
and  be  ready  to  bring  cages  up  when  we 
blew  the  horn  three  consecutive  times. 

We  were  not  looking  around  much,  but 
just  paying  attention  to  our  gas,  and  steer 
ing  it  into  the  gas  bag,  and  we  had  got  the 
bag  about  half  full,  and  it  was  lying  on  the 
grass  like  a  big  whale  that  has  died  at  sea 
and  floated  ashore,  and  we  were  busy  think- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  175 

ing  of  how  we  would  sail  over  the  veldt  and 
have  our  cowboy  rope  a  few  lions  and 
choke  them  into  submission,  when  I  hap 
pened  to  look  around  towards  the  jungle, 
and  there  were  two  tigers  crawling  through 
the  grass  towards  the  gas  bag,  and  a  lion 
walking  right  towards  it  as  though  he  was 
saying  to  the  tigers,  "Ah,  g'wan,  I  saw  it 
first,"  and  a  rhinoceros  was  rooting  along 
like  a  big  hog,  right  towards  us.  I  told  Pa 
to  look  out,  and  when  he  saw  the  animals 
he  seemed  to  lose  all  appetite  for  lions  and 
tigers  in  their  wild  state,  for  he  started  for 
a  tree  and  told  me  to  climb  up,  too.  Well, 
it  took  Pa  quite  a  while  to  get  up  on  a  limb, 
but  he  finally  got  all  his  person  up  there, 
and  I  was  right  with  him,  and  Pa  looked  at 
the  animals  creeping  up  to  the  gas  bag,  and 
he  said,  "Bub,  the  success  of  this  expedition 
will  be  settled  right  here  if  that  lion  drinks 
any  of  the  gasoline." 

Well,  I  have  seen  cats  crawling  along  the 
floor  towards  a  mouse  hole,  and  stopping 


176  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  looking  innocent  when  the  mouse  stuck 
his  head  out  of  the  hole,  and  then  moving 
on  again  when  the  mouse  disappeared,  and 
these  tigers  acted  that  way,  stopping  every 
time  the  wind  caused  the  gas  bag  to  flap  on 
the  ground.  The  lion  acted  like  a  big  St. 
Bernard  dog  that  smells  something  ahead 
that  he  don't  exactly  know  what  to  make 
of,  but  is  going  to  find  out,  and  the  rhinoc 
eros  just  rooted  along  as  though  he  was  get 
ting  what  he  wanted  out  of  the  ground,  and 
would  be  along  after  a  while  to  investigate 
that  thing  that  was  rising  like  a  big  ant 
hill  on  the  prairie  and  smelling  like  a  nat 
ural  gas  well.  Finally  the  tigers  got  near 
enough  to  the  gas  bag  with  their  claws,  run 
ning  their  noses  down  into  the  holes  where 
the  gas  was  escaping,  and  fairly  drinking 
in  the  gas.  Their  weight  sent  the  bag  down 
to  the  ground,  and  they  were  in  the  middle, 
inhaling  gas,  and  pretty  soon  the  lion  came 
up  and  clawed  a  hole  in  the  gas  bag  and 
acted  as  though  he  was  not  going  to  let  the 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  177 

tigers  have  all  the  good  stuff  and  pretty  soon 
we  could  see  from  up  the  tree  that  they 
were  being  overcome  by  the  fumes,  and 
Pa  said  in  about  four  minutes  we  would  have 
a  mess  of  animals  chloroformed  good  and 
plenty,  and  we  would  go  down  and  hobble 
them  and  hog-tie  them  like  they  do  cattle 
on  the  ranches.  What  bothered  us  about 
going  down  the  tree  was  the  rhinoceros 
that  was  coming  rooting  along,  but  after  a 
while  he  came  up  and  smelled  of  the  gaso 
line  can,  tipped  it  over,  and  as  the  gasoline 
trickled  out  on  the  ground  he  laid  down 
and  rolled  in  it  like  a  big  pig,  and  after  he 
had  got  well  soaked  in  gasoline  he  rolled 
near  the  fire,  and  in  a  minute  he  was  all 
ablaze  and  about  the  scaredest  rhinoceros 
that  ever  roamed  the  prairie. 

V/hen  the  fire  began  to  scorch  his  hide 
he  let  out  a  bellow  that  could  be  heard  a 
mile  and  started  towards  the  camp  on  a 
gallop,  looking  like  a  barn  afire,  and  Pa  said 
now  was  the  time  to  capture  our  sleeping 


178  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

animals,  so  we  shinned  down  the  tree  and 
found  the  lion  dead  to  the  world,  and  we 
tied  his  feet  together  and  put  a  bag  over  his 
head,  and  then  climbed  over  the  gas  bag 
and  found  the  two  tigers  sleeping  as  sweet 
ly  as  babes,  and  I'-  held  their  legs  together 
while  Pa  tied  all  four  legs  so  tight  they 
couldn't  move  a  muscle,  and  then  Pa  told 
me  to  blow  the  horn  for  the  cages  to  be  sent 
out. 

Gee,  but  I  was  proud  of  that  morning's 
work,  two  tigers  and  a  lion  with  no  more 
danger  than  shooting  cats  on  a  back  fence 
with  a  bean  snapper,  and  Pa  and  I  shook 
hands  and  patted  each  other  on  the  back. 
I  told  Pa  he  was  a  wonder,  and  that  Mr. 
Hagenbach  would  probably  make  him  a 
general  in  the  Prussian  army,  but  Pa  looked 
modest  and  said,  "All  it  needs  is  brain  and 
sand  to  overcome  the  terrors  of  the  jungle," 
and  just  then  we  saw  the  cages  coming 
across  the  veldt,  and  Pa  said,  "Now,  when 
the  boys  come  up  with  the  cages  you  put 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  179 

one  foot  on  the  lion  and  strike  an  attitude 
like  a  lion  tamer,  and  I  will  play  with  the 
tigers." 

When  the  cages  came  up  I  was  on  to  my 
job  all  right,  and  the  boys  gave  me  three 
cheers,  and  they  asked  where  Pa  was,  and 
I  pointed  to  the  center  of  the  gas  bag  and 
said  Pa  was  in  there  having  a  little  fun  with 
a  mess  of  tigers,  and  when  they  walked  over 
the  billowy  gas  bag  they  found  Pa  with  one 
of  the  tigers  that  had  partly  come  to  play 
ing  with  him  and  chewing  his  pants,  but 
they  rescued  Pa  and  in  a  few  minutes  they 
had  our  three  animals  in  the  cages,  and  we 
started  for  camp,  Pa  walking  behind  the 
cages  with  his  coat  over  his  arm,  telling 
young  Hagenbach  the  confoundedest  story 
about  how  he  subdued  the  animals  by  just 
hypnotizing  them,  and  I!  never  said  a  word. 
A  boy  that  will  not  stand  up  for  his  father 
is  an  idgit. 

When  we  got  to  camp  the  natives  had  all 
scattered  to  the  four  winds.  It  seemed  that 


180  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

when  the  fiery  rhinoceros  came  towards 
them  they  thought  the  Great  Spirit  had  sent 
fire  to  destroy  them,  and  they  took  to  the 
jungle,  the  rhino  after  them,  bellowing  all 
kinds  of  cheering  messages  from  the  Great 
Spirit. 

Along  towards  night  they  came  to  camp 
dragging  a  cooked  rhinoceros,  and  they 
turned  in  to  eat  it,  and  all  those  sixty  females 
brought  nice  pieces  of  rhino,  cooked  by  gaso 
line,  to  Pa,  and  wanted  Pa  to  eat  it,  but 
Pa  said  he  was  dieting,  and  it  was  Friday, 
anyway,  and  he  never  ate  meat  on  Friday. 

Then  we  all  sat  up  all  night,  and  every 
body  made  speeches  glorifying  Pa  as  the 
greatest  hero  that  ever  came  to  Africa,  and 
that  he  had  Stanley  beaten  a  mile,  and  Pa 
blushed,  and  the  women  held  him  in  their 
laps  and  said  he  was  the  dearest  thing  ever. 


CHAPTER  XIII. 

Pa  Was  a  Hero  After  Capturing  Two  Tigers 
and  a  Lion — Pa  Had  an  Old  Negro  With 
Sixty  Wives  Working  for  Him — Pa 
Makes  His  Escape  in  Safety — Pa  Goes  to 
Catch  Hippopotamusses. 

Pa  was  a  hero  after  capturing  the  two 
tigers  and  the  lion  after  they  had  inhaled 
gas  from  the  gas  bag  of  the  air  ship,  be 
cause  the  crowd  didn't  know  how  it  was 
done.  Everybody  thought  Pa  had  scared 
the  wild  animals  with  the  airship  until  they 
were  silly,  and  then  hypnotized  them,  and 
got  them  into  cages,  but  when  the  animals 
came  out  from  under  the  influence  of  the 
gas  and  began  to  raise  the  roof,  and  bite  and 
snarl,  the  whole  camp  was  half  scared  to 
death,  and  they  all  insisted  on  Pa  going  to 
the  cages  and  quieting  them  by  his  hypnotic 
eye,  but  Pa  was  too  wise  to  try  it  on  wild 


182  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

animals,  and  he  had  to  confess  that  it  was 
the  gas  bag  that  did  the  work,  and  they 
made  Pa  fix  up  a  gas  bag  under  the  cages 
and  quiet  the  animals,  and  when  the  em 
ployees  of  the  expedition  found  that  Pa  was 
not  so  much  of  a  hero  as  he  pretended,  Pa 
was  not  so  much  of  a  king  as  he  had  been, 
except  in  the  minds  of  the  African  negroes 
who  were  at  work  for  us.  That  old  negro 
who  had  sixty  wives  fairly  doted  on  Pa,  and 
the  wives  thought  Pa  was  the  greatest  man 
that  ever  was,  and  the  wives  fairly  got  struck 
on  Pa,  and  wanted  to  take  turns  holding  Pa 
in  their  laps,  until  the  giant  husband  of  the 
sixty  big  black  females  got  jealous  of  Pa, 
and  wanted  to  hit  him  on  the  head  with  a 
war  club,  but  Pa  showed  him  a  thing  or  two 
that  made  him  stand  without  hitching. 

The  black  husband  had  a  tooth  ache,  and 
asked  Pa  to  cure  him  of  the  pain,  and  Pa 
had  him  lie  down  on  the  ground,  and  he  put 
some  chloroform  on  a  handkerchief  and  held 
it  to  the  man's  nose,  and  pretty  soon  the 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  183 

negro  was  dead  to  the  world,  and  the  wives 
thought  Pa  had  killed  their  husband  with 
his  mighty  power,  and  they  insisted  that 
Pa  marry  the  whole  sixty  wives.  Pa  kicked 
on  it,  but  Mr.  Hagenbach  told  Pa  that  was 
the  law  in  that  part  of  Africa,  and  that  he 
would  have  to  marry  them. 

I  never  saw  Pa  so  discouraged  as  he  was 
when  the  oldest  wife  took  his  hand  and  said 
some  words  in  the  negro  dialect,  and  pro 
nounced  Pa  married  to  the  whole  bunch, 
and  when  they  led  Pa  to  the  man's  tent, 
followed  by  all  the  wives,  half  of  them  sing 
ing  a  dirge  for  the  dead  husband,  and  the 
other  half  singing  a  wedding  hymn,  and 
Pa  looking  around  scared,  and  trying  to  get 
away  from  his  new  family,  it  was  pathetic, 
but  all  the  hands  connected  with  the  Hagen 
bach  expedition  laughed,  and  Pa  disap 
peared  in  the  tent  of  his  wives,  and  they 
hustled  around  to  prepare  a  banquet  of 
roasted  zebra,  and  boiled  rhinoceros. 

went  to  the  tent  and  looked  in,  and 


184  PECK'S  BAD  BO* 

Pa  was  the  picture  of  despair,  seated  in  the 
middle  of  the  tent,  all  the  female  negroes 
petting  him,  and  hugging  him,  and  dressing 
him  in  the  African  costume. 

They  brought  out  loin  clothes  that  be 
longed  to  the  chloroformed  husband  and 
made  Pa  put  them  on;  they  blacked  his 
arms  and  legs  and  body  with  some  poke 
berry  juice,  so  he  looked  like  a  negro,  and 
greased  his  body  and  tied  some  negro  hair 
on  his  head  over  his  bald  spot,  and  by  gosh, 
when  I  saw  Pa  transformed  into  a  negro  I 
looked  at  myself  in  a  mirror  to  see  if  I  had 
turned  to  a  negro.  I  held  the  mirror  up  to 
Pa  so  he  could  see  himself,  and  when  he 
got  a  good  look  at  the  features  that  had 
always  been  his  pride,  he  shed  a  few  tears 
and  said,  "Booker  Washington,  by  Gosh," 
and  when  the  wives  were  preparing  to  bring 
in  the  banquet  Pa  said  to  me,  "Hennery,  let 
this  be  a  lesson  to  you.  Don't  ever  try  to 
be  smart,  and  don't  be  a  masher  under  any 
circumstances,  cause  you  see  what  it  has 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  185 

brought  me  to.  When  you  get  back  to 
America  tell  Roosevelt  that  I  died  for  my 
country."  Well,  they  brought  in  the  wed 
ding  feast,  and  all  the  wives  helped  me  and 
Pa  and  Mr.  Hagenbach,  and  the  cow  boy 
that  throws  the  lasso,  and  the  foreman,  and 
we  ate  hearty,  and  all  was  going  smooth 
when  there  was  a  commotion  at  the  door  of 
the  tent,  and  in  came  the  former  husband, 
who  had  come  out  from  under  the  influence 
of  the  chloroform,  and  he  was  crazy  and  had 
a  club. 

He  had  been  told  of  his  death,  and  the 
marriage  of  his  wives  to  the  old  man  who 
owned  the  gas  bag,  and  he  wouldn't  have  it 
that  way. 

He  knocked  some  of  his  wives  down,  and 
some  fainted  away,  and  then  he  started  for 
the  man  who  had  usurped  him  in  the  affec 
tions  of  his  sixty  wives. 

Pa  was  scared  and  started  to  crawl  under 
the  tent  and  escape  into  the  jungle,  when  I 
saw  that  something  had  to  be  done,  so  I  got 


Looking  Him  Square  in  the  Face,  I  Began  to  Chant,,  -Hne-Msno-Miny  Me," 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  187 

right  in  front  of  the  crazy  husband  and,  look 
ing  him  square  in  the  face,  I  began  to  chant, 
"Ene — mene — miny — mo,  catch  a  nigger  by 
the  toe,"  and  before  I  got  to  the  end  of  the 
first  verse,  the  great  giant  said,  "May  be 
you  are  right,"  and  he  fell  to  the  earth  in 
a  fit  probably  from  the  effects  of  the  chloro 
form,  but  everybody  thought  I;  had  over 
come  him  by  my  remarks,  and  then  they 
jumped  on  the  husband  and  held  him  down 
while  Pa  escaped,  and  for  Pa's  safety  they 
put  him  in  a  cage  next  to  the  newly  acquired 
tigers  and  lions,  who  were  cross  and  ugly, 
but  Pa  said  he  had  rather  chance  it  with 
them  than  with  that  crazy  husband  who  had 
accused  him  of  alienating  the  affections  of 
his  sixty  wives. 

The  next  day  everything  was  fixed  up 
with  the  husband  of  the  sixty  wives,  his 
tooth  ache  was  cured,  and  he  quit  being 
mad  at  Pa,  and  we  all  went  to  a  river  about 
a  mile  from  camp  to  catch  a  mess  of  hippo- 
potamuses. 


188  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

The  usual  way  to  catch  the  hippos  is  to 
let  negroes  go  out  in  boats  and  give  the 
hippos  a  chance  to  swim  under  the  boats 
and  tip  them  over,  and  after  they  had  eaten 
a  few  negroes  they  would  come  ashore  and 
lie  down  in  the  mud  for  a  nap,  and  they 
could  be  tied  to  a  wagon  and  hauled  to  the 
cages. 

Pa  was  to  superintend  the  boat  excur 
sion,  because  the  hippos  would  not  eat  a 
white  man.  Pa  forgot  that  he  was  made 
up  like  a  negro,  and  so  he  went  in  the  first 
boat,  with  six  negroes  who  had  been  pur 
chased  at  five  dollars  apiece  for  hippo  bait. 

When  the  boat  got  out  in  the  middle  of 
stream,  and  the  hippo  heads  began  to  pop 
up  out  of  the  water,  with  a  "look  who's 
here"  expression  on  their  open  faces,  Pa 
turned  pale,  which  probably  saved  him,  for 
when  the  boat  was  upset,  and  the  hippos 
took  their  pick  of  the  negroes,  and  the  water 
washed  the  poke  berry  juice  off  Pa  he  was 
as  white  as  a  drioenenoro,  and  when  the 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  189 

nearest  hippo  got  his  negro  in  his  mouth  and 
started  for  the  shore  Pa  climbed  on  his  back 
and  rode  ashore  in  triumph,  grabbing  the 
husband  of  the  sixty  wives  by  the  arm  and 
pulling  him  on  board  the  hippo,  and  saving 
his  life,  and  right  there  in  the  mud,  while 
the  hippos  were  eating  their  breakfasts  of 
cheap  negroes,  that  husband  told  Pa  he  felt 
so  under  obligation  to  him  that  he  could 
have  his  sixty  wives  in  welcome,  and  he 
would  go  out  in  the  jungle  and  corral  an 
other  family. 

Pa  said  he  was  much  obliged  but  he  must 
decline,  as  in  his  own  country  no  man  was 
allowed  to  have  more  than  fifteen  or  twenty 
wives.  But  the  terrible  scandal  Pa  had 
brought  upon  the  expedition  was  settled  out 
of  court,  and  Pa  was  reinstated  in  good 
standing  in  our  expedition. 

It  takes  a  hippo  quite  a  while  to  go  to 
sleep  after  eating  a  negro,  as  you  can  im 
agine,  they  are  so  indigestible,  and  it  was 
annoying  to  stand  around  in  the  mud  and 


190  PECK'S  BAD    BOY 

wait,  but  we  finally  got  two  specimens  of 
the  hippo  into  the  cages,  and  we  killed  two 
more  for  food  for  the  negroes,  who  like  the 
flavor  of  hippo  meat,  after  the  hippos  have 
been  battered  on  negroes. 

On  the  way  back  to  camp  we  sighted  a 
herd  of  elephants,  and  Pa  said  he  would  go 
out  and  surround  a  couple  of  them  and  drive 
them  into  camp.  Mr.  Hagenbach  tried  to 
reason  with  Pa  against  the  suicidal  act,  in 
going  alone  into  a  herd  of  wild  elephants, 
but  Pa  said  since  his  experience  with  old 
Bolivar,  the  circus  elephant,  he  felt  that  he 
had  a  mysterious  power  over  elephants  that 
was  marvelous,  and  so  poor  Pa  went  out 
alone,  promising  to  bring  some  elephants 
into  camp. 

Well,  he  made  good,  all  right.  We  went 
on  to  camp  and  got  our  hippos  put  to  be-d, 
and  fed  the  lions  and  tigers,  and  were  just 
sitting  down  to  our  evening  meal,  when 
there  was  a  roaring  sound  off  where  Pa  had 
surrounded  the  elephants;  the  air  was  full 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  191 

of  dust,  and  the  ground  trembled,  and  we 
could  see  the  whole  herd  of  about  forty  mid 
elephants  charging  on  our  camp,  bellowing 
and  making  a  regular  bedlam. 

When  the  herd  got  pretty  near  us,  we  all 
climbed  trees,  except  the  negro  husband  and 
his  wives,  and  they  took  to  the  jungle. 

Say,  those  animals  did  not  do  a  thing  to 
our  camp.  They  rushed  over  the  tents,  laid 
down  and  rolled  over  on  our  supper,  which 
was  spread  out  on  the  ground,  tipped  over 
the  cages  containing  the  animals  we  had 
captured,  found  the  gasoline  barrel  and 
filled  their  trunks  with  gasoline  and  squirted 
it  all  over  the  place,  and  rolled  the  gasoline 
on  the  fire,  and  away  the  elephants  went 
with  gasoline  fire  pouring  out  of  their 
trunks,  into  the  woods,  bellowing,  and  when 
the  dust  and  smoke  cleared  away,  and  we 
climbed  down  out  of  the  trees  and  righted 
up  the  cages,  here  came  Pa  astride  a  zebra, 
playing  on  a  mouth  organ,  "There'll  Be 
a  Hot  Time  in  the  Old  Town  Tonight," 


F»,  Astride  of  a  Zebra,  Had  Frightened  the  Elephants  Into  a  Stampede  by 
Playing  "A  Hot  Time"  on  a  Mouth  Organ. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  193 

which  had  frightened  the  elephants  into  a 
stampede. 

Mr.  Hagenbach  stopped  Pa's  zebra,  and 
Pa  said,  "Didn't  you  catch  any  of  'em?  I 
steered  'em  right  to  camp,  and  thought  you 
fellows  would  head  'em  off,  and  catch  a 
few." 

I  never  saw  Mr.  Hagenbach  mad  before. 
He  looked  at  Pa  as  though  he  could  eat  him 
alive,  and  said,  "Well,  old  man,  you  have 
raised  hell  on  your  watch,  sure  enough." 
And  then  Pa  complained  because  supper 
was  not  ready.  Gee,  but  Pa  is  getting  more 
gall  all  the  time. 


CHAPTER  XIV. 

Pa  Was  Blackmailed  and  Scared  Out  of 
Lots  of  Money — Pa  Teaching  the  Natives 
to  Speak  English — Pa  Said  the  Natives 
Acted  Like  Human  Beings — Pa  Buys 
Some  Animals  in  the  Jungle. 

We  thought  when  we  came  to  Africa  we 
would  be  near  to  nature,  where  the  natives 
were  simple  and  honest,  but  Pa  has  found 
that  the  almost  naked  negroes  can  give 
white  men  cards  and  spades  and  little  casino 
and  then  beat  them  at  the  game. 

Pa  has  been  blackmailed  and  scared  out 
of  his  boots  and  a  lot  of  money,  by  an  in 
jured  husband,  as  natural  as  he  could  have 
been  flimflammed  in  New  York. 

We  noticed  that  Pa  was  quite  interested 
in  a  likely  negro  woman,  one  of  twenty 
wives  of  a  heathen,  to  the  extent  of  having 
her  wash  his  shirts,  and  he  would  linger  at 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  195 

the  tent  of  the  husband  and  teach  the  woman 
some  words  of  English,  such  as,  "You  bet 
your  life"  and  "Not  on  your  life,"  and  a  few 
cuss  words,  which  she  seemed  to  enjoy  re 
peating. 

She  was  a  real  nice  looking  nigger,  and 
smiled  on  Pa  to  beat  the  band,  but  that  was 
all;  of  course  she  enjoyed  having  Pa  call 
on  her,  and  evidently  showed  her  interest 
in  him,  but  that  seemed  only  natural,  as 
Pa  is  a  nice,  clean  white  man  with  clothes 
on  and  she  looked  upon  him  as  a  sort  of 
king,  until  the  other  wives  became  jealous, 
and  they  rilled  the  husband  up  with  stories 
about  Pa  and  the  young  negress,  but  Pa  was 
as  innocent  as  could  be.  Where  Pa  made 
the  mistake  was  in  taking  hold  of  her  hand 
and  looking  at  the  lines  in  her  palm,  to  read 
her  future  by  the  lines  in  her  hand,  and  as 
Pa  is  some  near  sighted  he  had  to  bend  over 
her  hand,  and  then  she  stroked  Pa's  bald 
head  with  the  other  hand,  and  the  other 
<vfves  went  off  and  left  Pa  and  the  young 


i96  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

wife  alone,  and  they  called  the  husband  to 
put  a  stop  to  it. 

Well  I  never  saw  a  giant  negro  so  mad  as 
that  husband  was  when  he  came  into  the 
tent  and  saw  Pa,  and  Pa  was  scared  and 
turned  pale,  and  the  woman  had  a  fit  when 
she  saw  her  husband  with  a  base  ball  club 
with  spikes  on  it.  He  took  his  wife  by  the 
neck  and  threw  her  out  of  the  tent,  and  then 
closed  the  tent  and  he  and  Pa  were  alone, 
and  for  an  hour  no  one  knew  what  hap- 
pened,  but  when  Pa  came  back  to  our  camp, 
wobbly  in  the  legs,  and  with  no  clothes  on 
except  a  pair  of  drawers,  we  knew  the  worst 
had  happened. 

Pa  told  Mr.  Hagenbach  that  the  negro 
acted  like  a  human  being.  He  cried  and  told 
Pa  he  had  broken  into  his  family  circle  and 
picked  the  fairest  flower,  broken  his  heart 
and  left  him  an  irresponsible  and  broken 
man,  the  laughing  stock  of  his  friends,  and 
nothing  but  his  life  or  his  money  could 
settle  it. 


"Dad  started  to  run  for  the  fence. 


ig8  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Pa  offered  to  give  up  his  life,  but  the  in 
jured  husband  had  rather  have  the  money, 
and  after  an  hour  Pa  compromised  by  giv 
ing  him  sixteen  dollars  and  his  coat,  pants 
and  shirt,  and  Pa  is  to  have  the  wife  in  the 
bargain.  Pa  didn't  want  to  take  the  wife, 
but  the  husband  insisted  on  it,  'and  Mr. 
Hagenbach  says  we  can  take  her  to  America 
and  put  her  into  the  show  as  an  untamed 
Zulu,  or  a  missing  link,  but  he  insists  that 
Pa  shall  be  careful  hereafter,  with  his  fatal 
beauty  and  winning  ways,  or  we  shall  have 
more  negro  women  to  bring  back  than  ani 
mals  in  cages. 

Talk  about  your  innocent  negroes,  they 
will  cheat  you  out  of  your  boots. 

Pa  went  off  in  the  jungle  to  buy  some 
animals  of  a  negro  king  or  some  kind  of  a 
nine  spot,  and  he  found  the  king  had  in  a 
corral  half  a  dozen  green  zebras,  the  usual 
yellow  stripes  being  the  most  beautiful 
green  you  ever  saw.  The  king  told  Pa  it 
was  a  rare  species,  only  procured  in  a 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  199 

mountain  fastness  hundreds  of  miles  away, 
and  Pa  bought  the  whole  bunch  at  a  fabu 
lous  price,  and  brought  them  tojcamp.  Mr. 
Hagenbach  was  tickled  to  death  at  the  rare 
animals,  and  praised  Pa,  and  said  there  was 
a  fortune  in  the  green  and  black  striped 
zebras.  I  thought  there  was  something 
wrong  when  I  heard  one  of  those  zebras 
bray  like  a  mule  when  he  was  eating  hay, 
but  it  wasn't  my  put  in,  and  I  didn't  say 
anything. 

That  night  there  was  the  greatest  rain  we 
have  had  since  we  came  here,  and  in  the 
morning  the  green  and  black  striped  zebras 
hadn't  a  stripe  on  them,  and  they  proved  to 
be  nothing  but  wild  asses  and  assessess, 
white  and  dirty,  and  all  around  the  corrai 
the  water  standing  on  the  ground  was  col 
ored  green  and  black. 

Mr.  Hagenbach  took  Pa  out  to  the  corral 
and  pointed  to  the  wild  white  mules  and 
said,  "What  do  you  think  of  your  green 
zebras  now?"  Pa  looked  them  over  and 


200  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

said,  "Say,  that  negro  king  is  nothing  but  ^ 
Pullman  porter,  and  he  painted  those  mules 
and  sawed  them  onto  me,"  so  we  had  to 
kill  Pa's  green  zebras  and  feed  them  to  the 
negroes  and  the  animals.  Mr.  Hagenbach 
told  Pa  plainly  that  he  couldn't  stand  for 
such  conduct.  He  said  he  was  willing  to 
give  Pa  carte  blanche,  whatever  that  is,  in 
his  love  affairs  in  South  Africa,  but  he  drew 
the  line  at  being  bunkoed  on  painted  ani 
mals.  He  believed  in  encouraging  art,  and 
all  that,  but  animals  that  wouldn't  wash 
were  not  up  to  the  Hagenbach  standard. 

Pa  went  off  and  sulked  all  day,  but  he 
made  good  the  next  day. 

Our  intention  was  to  let  elephants  alone 
until  we  were  about  to  return  home,  as  they 
are  so  plenty  we  can  find  them  any  day,  and 
after  you  have  once  captured  your  elephants 
you  have  got  to  cut  hay  to  feed  them,  but 
Pa  gets  some  particular  animal  bug  in  his 
head,  and  the  managements  has  to  let  him 
have  his  way,  so  the  other  day  was  his  ele-- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  201 

phant  day,  and  he  started  off  through  the 
jungle  with  only  a  few  men,  and  the  negro 
wife  that  he  hornswoggled  the  husband  out 
of.  Pa  said  he  was  going  to  use  her  for  a 
pointer  to  point  elephants,  the  same  as  they 
use  dogs  to  point  chickens,  and  when  we  got 
about  a  mile  into  the  jungle  he  told  her  to 
"Hie  on,"  and  find  an  elephant.  Well,  sir, 
she  has  got  the  best  elephant  nose  I  ever 
saw  on  a  woman.  She  ranged  ahead  and 
beat  the  ground  thoroughly,  and  pretty  soon 
she  began  to  sniff  and  sneak  up  on  the  game, 
and  all  of  a  sudden  she  came  to  a  point  and 
held  up  one  foot,  and  her  eyes  stuck  out,  and 
Pa  said  the  game  was  near,  and  he  told  her 
to  "charge  down,"  and  we  went  on  to  sur 
round  the  elephant.  Pa  was  ahead  and  he 
saw  a  baby  elephant  not  bigger  than  a  Shet 
land  pony,  looking  scared,  and  Pa  made  a 
lunge  and  fell  on  top  of  the  little  elephant, 
which  began  to  make  a  noise  like  a  baby 
that  wants  a  bottle  of  milk,  and  we  captured 
the  little  thing  and  started  for  camp  with 


202  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

it,  but  before  we  got  in  sight  of  camp  all 
the  elephants  in  Africa  were  after  us,  crash 
ing  through  the  timber  and  trumpeting  like 
a  menagerie. 

Pa  and  a  cowboy  and  some  negroes  lifted 
the  little  elephant  up  into  a  tree,  and  the 
whole  herd  surrounded  us,  and  were  going 
to  tear  down  the  tree,  when  the  camp  was 
alarmed  and  Hagenbach  came  out  with  all 
the  men  and  the  negroes  on  horseback,  and 
they  drove  the  herd  into  a  canyon,  and  built 
a  fence  across  the  entrance,  and  there  we 
had  about  fifty  elephants  in  the  strongest 
kind  of  a  corral,  and  we  climbed  down  from 
the  tree  with  the  baby  elephant  and  took  it 
to  camp,  and  put  it  in  a  big  bag  that  Pa's 
airship  was  shipped  in,  and  we  are  feeding 
the  little  animal  on  condensed  milk  and 
dried  apples. 

We  have  got  a  tame  elephant  that  was 
bought  to  use  on  the  wild  elephants,  to 
teach  them  to  be  good,  and  the  next  day, 
after  we  cut  hay  for  the  elephants,  Pa  was 


Pa  Made  a  Lunge  and  Fell  on  Top  of  the  Little  Elephant  Which  Began 
to  Make  a  Noise  Like  a  Baby. 


204  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

ordered  to  ride  the  tame  elephant  into  the 
corral,  to  get  the  wild  animals  used  to  so 
ciety. 

Pa  didn't  want  to  go,  but  he  had  bragged 
so  much  about  the  way  he  handled  elephants 
with  the  circus  in  the  States  that  he  couldn't 
back  out,  and  so  they  opened  the  bars  and 
let  Pa  and  his  tame  elephant  in,  and  closed 
the  bars. 

I  think  the  manager  thought  that  would 
be  the  end  of  Pa,  and  the  men  all  went 
back  to  camp  figuring  on  whether  there 
would  be  enough  left  of  Pa  to  bury  or  send 
home  by  express,  or  whether  the  elephants 
would  walk  on  Pa  until  he  was  a  part  of  the 
soil.  In  about  an  hour  we  saw  a  white  spot 
on  a  rock  above  the  canyon,  waving  a  piece 
of  shirt,  and  we  watched  it  with  glasses,  and 
soon  we  saw  a  fat  man  climbing  down  on 
the  outside,  and  after  a  while  Pa  came  saun 
tering  into  camp,  across  the  veldt,  with  his 
coat  on  his  arm,  and  his  sleeves  rolled  up 
like  a  canvasman  in  a  show,  singing,  "A 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  205 

Charge  to  Keep  I  Have."  Pa  came  up  to 
the  mess  tent  and  asked  if  lunch  was  not 
ready,  and  he  was  surrounded  by  the  men, 
and  asked  how  he  got  out  alive.  Pa  said, 
"Well,  there  is  not  much  to  tell,  only  when  I 
got  into  the  corral  the  whole  bunch  made 
a  rush  for  me  and  my  tame  elephant.  I 
stood  on  my  elephant  and  told  them  to  lie 
down,  and  they  got  down  an  their  knees, 
and  then  I  made  them  walk  turkey  for  a 
while,  and  march  around,  and  then  they 
struck  on  doing  tricks  and  began  to  shove 
my  elephant  and  get  saucy,  so  I  stood  up  on 
my  elephant's  head  and  looked  the  wild 
elephants  in  the  eyes,  and  made  them  form 
a  pyramid  until  I  could  reach  a  tree  that 
grew  over  the  bank  of  the  canyon,  and  I 
climbed  out  and  slid  down,  as  you  saw  me. 
There  was  nothing  to  it  but  nerve,"  and  Pa 
began  to  eat  corned  zebra  and  bread  as 
though  he  was  at  a  restaurant. 

"Well,  I  think  that  old  man  is  a  wonder," 
said  the  cowboy,  as  he  threw  his  lariat  over 


206  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

one  of  the  wives  of  the  chief  negro  and  drew 
her  across  the  cactus.  "I  think  he  is  the 
condemdest  liar  I  ever  run  up  against  in  all 
my  show  experience/'  said  Mr.  Hagenbach. 
"Now,"  says  Pa,  as  he  picked  his  teeth 
with  a  thorn  off  a  tree,  "tomorrow  we  got 
to  capture  a  mess  of  wild  African  lions,  right 
in  their  dens,  'cause  the  gasoline  has  come 
by  freight,  and  the  airship  is  mended,  and 
you  can  look  out  for  a  strenuous  session,  for 
I  found  a  canyon  where  the  lions  are  thicker 
than  prairie  dogs  in  Arizona,"  and  Pa  laid 
down  for  a  little  sleeping  sickness,  so  I 
guess  we  will  have  the  time  of  our  lives  to 
morrow,  and  Pa  has  promised  me  a  baby 
lion  for  a  pet. 


CHAPTER  XV. 

The  Idea  of  Airships  Is  all  Right  in  Theory, 
but  They  Are  Never  Going  to  Be  a  Re 
liable  Success — Pa  Drowns  the  Lions  Out 
With  Gas— The  Bad  Boy  and  His  Pa 
Capture  a  Couple  of  Lions — Pa  Moves 
Camp  to  Hunt  Gorillas. 

The  idea  of  air  ships  is  all  right  in  theory, 
but  they  are  never  going  to  be  a  reliable 
success.  The  trouble  is  you  never  know 
what  they  are  going  to  do  next.  They  are 
like  a  mule  about  doing  things  that  are  not 
on  the  mnu.  If  you  want  to  go  due  South, 
the  air  ship  may  decide  to  go  North,  and 
you  may  pull  on  all  the  levers,  and  turn  the 
steering  gear  every  way,  and  she  goes  North 
as  though  there  was  no  other  place  to  go. 

We  waited  for  weeks  to  get  a  new  supply 
of  powder  that  makes  the  gas,  and  finally 
it  came.  We  got  the  bag  full  and  Pa  and 


208  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  cowboy  with  the  lasso  and  two  others,  a 
German  and  a  negro,  got  on  the  rigging, 
and  about  fifty  of  us  held  on  to  the  drag 
rope,  and  Pa  turned  the  nose  of  the  machine 
south  towards  where  he  had  located  a  mess 
of  lions  in  a  rocky  gorge,  and  he  was  going 
to  ride  over  the  opening  to  their  den,  and 
let  the  cowboy  lasso  the  old  dog  lion,  and 
choke  the  wind  out  of  him,  and  drag  him 
to  camp  by  the  neck,  but  the  airship  just  in 
sisted  on  going  North,  and  it  took  the  whole 
crowd  to  hold  her,  and  Pa  was  up  there  on 
the  bamboo  frame  talking  profane,  and  giv 
ing  orders. 

She  was  up  in  the  air  about  fifty  feet,  and 
Pa  pointed  out  the  place  where  the  lion's 
den  was  to  the  South  about  a  mile,  and  told 
us  to  drag  the  air  ship  tail  first  across  the 
veldt,  to  the  other  side  of  the  den,  and  cut  her 
loose;  so  we  dragged  the  ship  away  around 
South  of  the  den,  taking  us  all  the  forenoon, 
and  we  could  see  the  lions  on  the  rocks  sun 
ning  themselves  and  probably  talking  over 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP 

in  lioa  language  what  they  would  do  to  us  if 
we  got  fresh,  and  every  little  while  they 
would  cough  like  a  case  of  pneumonia,  and 
it  made  my  hair  raise,  but  Pa  was  so  cool 
he  had  to  turn  his  collar  up. 

After  a  few  hours  we  got  the  ship  in  the 
right  place,  about  a  quarter  of  a  mile  south 
of  the  den,  and  Pa  got  the  cowboy  ready 
with  his  lasso,  and  the  German  ready  to 
yell  murder  in  his  language,  and  the  negro 
ready  to  throw  overboard  for  the  lions  to 
eat,  and  Pa  said,  "Turn  her  loose,"  and 
we  let  go  of  the  rope,  and  the  ship  sailed 
right  straight  for  the  den,  and  we  all  climbed 
upon  a  big  rock  to  watch  the  proceedings. 
It  was  the  most  exciting  moment  of  my  life, 
except  the  time  the  fat  woman  in  the  circus 
sat  down  in  Pa's  lap,  and  crushed  him  be 
yond  recognition  and  they  had  to  scrape 
him  up  with  case  knives. 

There  was  Pa  at  the  wheel,  his  eyes  star 
ing  ahead  at  the  lions,  all  of  the  lion  family 
having  come  out  of  the  den  to  see  the  air 


210  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

ship,  and  the  dog  lion,  the  head  of  the  house 
hold  waving  his  tail  and  making  the  air 
fairly  tremble  with  his  roaring. 

Pretty  soon  the  airship  was  right  over  the 
den,  the  lasso  was  thrown  over  the  dog  lion's 
neck,  and  drawn  tight,  and  he  coughed  and 
strangled  like  a  negro  being  lynched,  and 
then  he  turned  tail  and  ran  down  into  the 
den  in  the  rocks,  with  all  the  other  lions 
after  him,  dragging  the  ship  back  into  the 
entrance  of  the  den,  and  closing  the  hole 
completely,  and  we  all  rushed  up  and  tied 
the  rope  to  trees,  so  the  gas  bag  was  right 
over  the  hole,  tight  as  a  drum,  and  Pa  got 
down  off  the  frame,  and  as  Mr.  Hagenbach 
came  up  in  a  perspiration  Pa  said,  "There's 
your  lions,  about  a  dozen  of  them  captured 
down  in  that  hole;  help  yourselves,"  and  Pa 
sat  down  on  the  ground  like  a  man  who  had 
conquered  the  world,  and  was  waiting  for 
the  applause.  Mr.  Hagenbach  said  that  was 
all  right,  so  far  as  it  had  gone,  but  what 
he  wanted  was  lions  in  cages,  ready  to  shu> 


"There's   Your   Lions,   About  a    Dozen   Captured    Down   In   That   Hole. 
Help  Yourselves,"   Said   Pa. 


212  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

to  Germany,  and  not  down  in  a  hole  in  the 
ground  that  might  be  as  deep  as  a  copper 
mine,  with  no  elevator  to  bring  the  lions  to 
the  surface.  "Well,"  said  Pa,  as  he  lit  a 
cigar,  "there's  a  perfectly  good  dog  Numid- 
ian  lion,  with  a  black  mane,  on  the  end  of 
that  lasso,  and  all  you  got  to  do  is  to  pull 
him  up,  just  as  you  would  a  muscalonge 
on  a  line,  and  when  he  comes  to  the  surface 
after  I  have  finished  my  cigar,  I  will  hog 
tie  him  and  have  him  ready  for  shipment 
quicker'n  a  wink,"  and  Pa  yawned,  as 
though  capturing  wild  lions  was  as  easy 
for  him  as  catching  mice  in  a  trap. 

So  the  crowd  all  got  hold  of  the  lasso  and 
began  to  pull  up,  and  of  all  the  snarling  and 
howling  you  ever  heard,  that  beat  the  band. 
The  old  lion  seemed  to  catch  on  to  every 
thing  coming  up,  and  all  the  other  lions 
roared  until  the  rocks  on  which  we  stood 
fairly  trembled  like  there  was  an  earth 
quake,  but  the  old  dog  kept  coming  and  I 
felt  as  though  something  terrible  was  going 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  213 

to  happen,  and  I  began  to  get  farther  away. 
Pa  knocked  the  ashes  off  his  cigar  and  asked 
the  cowboy  how  much  more  rope  there  was 
left,  and  was  told  about  ten  feet,  so  he  told 
them  to  let  up  a  minute  until  the  driver 
drove  the  cage  up  to  a  point  on  the  rock  not 
far  from  where  the  lion  would  come  out,  and 
when  the  cage  was  ready  and  the  door  open, 
so  the  lion  could  see  a  goat  tied  in  the  cage 
eating  hay,  Pa  said  to  the  men  to  give  a 
few  more  jerks,  and,  by  Gosh,  pretty  soon 
the  lion's  head  and  neck  came  out  of  the 
hole,  and  he  was  the  maddest  looking  animal 
I  ever  saw,  and  the  men  looked  scared. 

The  lion  was  bracing  with  his  front  feet, 
and  using  all  kinds  of  language,  but  Pa  was 
the  coolest  man  in  the  bunch.  "Now,  let 
him  rest  a  minute,"  says  Pa,  "but  hold  the 
line  taut,"  and  Pa  took  out  a  bag  of  tobacco 
and  a  piece  of  paper  and  rolled  a  cigarette, 
and  tit  it,  and  we  all  looked  at  Pa  in  ad 
miration  for  his  nerve. 

After  puffing  his    cigarette    a    little,  and 


2i4  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

looking  to  see  if  the  cage  was  entirely  right, 
he  ordered  the  men  who  were  not  pulling 
on  the  rope  to  line  up  in  two  lines  from  the 
hole  to  the  cage,  like  the  honorary  pall 
bearers  at  a  funeral,  and  told  them  not  to 
move  until  the  lion  was  in  the  cage,  and 
when  they  were  all  in  place,  Pa  said,  "Now 
jerk  his  head  plumb  off,"  and  the  crowd 
pulled  and  the  lion  came  out  of  the  hole  mad 
and  frothing  at  the  mouth.  Pa  stepped  one 
side  and  gave  the  lion  a  swift  kick  in  the 
ham,  and  the  king  of  beasts  put  his  tail  be 
tween  his  legs  and  started  for  the  hearse 
cage,  and  Pa  said,  "Get  in  there,  you  measly 
cur  dog,"  and  Pa  followed  him,  kicking  him 
every  jump,  until  the  big  lion  rushed  into 
the  cage  and  laid  down,  so  completely  con 
quered  that  he  bellowed  pitifully  when  the 
goat  butted  him  off  of  the  hay,  and  Pa 
closed  the  door  and  locked  it  and  turned  to 
Mr.  Hagenbach  and  asked,  "How  many  of 
these  vermin  do  you  want?"  and  he  said, 
"Now  that  we  were  about  it  we  had  better 


'Qet  in  There,  You  Measly  Cur  Dog,"  Said  Pa,  Kicking  the  Big  Lion 

at  Every  Jumo. 


216  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

get  the  whole  bunch."  Pa  said  "all  right, 
he  was  there  after  lions,  and  he  wanted  to 
get  the  limit,"  so  they  signalled  camp  for 
some  more  cages,  and  Pa  said  we  had  better 
have  lunch  right  there  on  the  rock  beside 
the  airship  in  the  shade,  while  he  prepared 
to  catch  the  rest  of  the  lions. 

Pa  was  attaching  a  long  rubber  hose  to 
the  gas  bag,  and  as  he  got  it  fastened  and 
reeled  about  fifty  feet  of  the  hose  down  in 
the  hole,  Mr.  Hagenbach  said,  "Say,  old 
man,  I  don't  want  to  kick  on  any  of  your 
new  inventions,  but  what  are  you  going  to 
do  now?"  and  Pa  said,  as  he  turned  a  faucet 
in  the  gas  bag  and  let  the  gas  into  the  hose, 
"Didn't  you  ever  drown  gophers  out  of  a 
hole  by  pouring  water  in,  until  the  gophers 
came  to  the  top  strangling,  and  you  put 
them  in  a  shot  bag  and  let  them  chew  your 
fingers?  Well,  I  am  going  to  drown  out 
big  gophers  with  gas,  and  in  about  fifteen 
minutes  after  we  have  had  lunch,  you  will 
see  the  dammest  procession  of  sneezing 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  217 

iions  come  up  out  of  that  hole  that  ever 
were  in  captivity,  and  I  want  all  of  you 
brave  ducks  to  hold  the  bags  over  the  hole, 
and  when  you  get  a  lion  in  a  bag  tie  the  bag 
and  roll  the  beast  over  the  rock,  see?" 

Well,  they  got  the  gunny  sacks  ready, 
and  after  we  had  our  lunch  and  the  gas  was 
filling  the  hole  good  and  plenty,  there  was 
a  lot  of  sneezing  and  roaring  down  the  hole, 
and  Pa  said  the  medicine  was  working  all 
right,  and  pretty  soon  Pa  turned  off  the  gas 
and  unscrewed  the  hose,  and  loosened  the 
ropes  on  the  air  ship  so  she  sailed  off  across 
the  veldt  for  a  block  or  so,  and  then  the 
trouble  began. 

First  a  big  she  lion  came  up  with  a  mess 
of  cubs,  and  they  held  the  bag  all  right,  but 
she  went  right  through  it  like  a  bullet 
through  cheese,  and  then  there  was  an  ex 
plosion  away  down  in  the  bowels  of  the 
earth,  from  the  toe  nails  of  some  unmani- 
cured  lion  striking  fire  on  a  flint  stone,  and 
fire  began  to  pour  out  of  the  hole,  and  about 


2i8  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

nine  singed  lions  of  all  sizes  came  up  out  of 
the  hole  scared  to  death,  and  the  smell  of 
burned  hair  was  awful. 

The  lions  began  to  cuff  the  men  and  they 
stampeded  down  the  rocks,  leaving  Pa  and 
two  or  three  of  us  alone.  Pa  and  I  seized  a 
couple  of  the  baby  lions  and  started  to  run 
for  camp,  and  the  lions  took  after  us  and 
chased  us  awhile,  until  Pa  got  out  of  wind, 
when  we  climbed  trees  with  the  cubs,  and 
the  lions  rolled  in  the  grass  to  put  out  the 
fire,  and  then  they  took  to  the  jungle,  and 
Pa  said  when  Roosevelt  got  to  Africa  and 
shot  a  few  singed  lions,  he  would  think  it 
was  a  new  kind  of  beast. 

We  got  back  to  camp  with  the  two  cubs, 
and  called  the  roll  to  see  who  was  missing, 
and  we  found  the  natives  had  packed  up  and 
moved  away,  claiming  that  the  old  man 
was  a  devil  who  had  produced  a  burning 
mountain,  and  the  whole  country  would  be 
devastated. 

We  sent  all  our  animals  to  the  coast  to 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  219 

be  shipped  to  Berlin  and  moved  our  camp 
up  to  the  jungle,  about  fifty  miles,  where 
there  is  a  new  tribe  of  natives,  and  where  it 
is  said  the  country  is  inhabited  with  gorillas. 
Pa  says  he  is  going  to  move  a  cage  into 
the  gorilla  country,  and  call  the  gorillas 
around  him,  learn  their  language,  get  their 
confidence,  and  eventually  reform  them  and 
bring  them  to  realize  that  they  are  endowed 
with  certain  inalienable  rights,  and  teach 
them  white  man's  customs,  and  Pa  will  do 
it  or  die  trying,  but  I  don't  like  the  idea,  as 
it  seems  dangerous  to  Pa.  Say,  those  goril 
las  are  bigger  than  John  L.  Sullivan,  and 
they  hug  like  bears.  Gee,  but  I  want  to  see 
gorillas  hanging  by  their  tails  on  trees,  and 
Pa  says  I  may  go  with  him. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

The  Boy's  Pa  Shows  Bravery  in  the  Jungles 
in  Africa — Four  Gorillas  Chase  Pa — The 
Boy  and  His  Pa  Don't  Sleep  Much  at 
Night — The  Boy  Discovers  a  Marsh  Full 
of  Wild  Buffaloes. 

I  do  not  know  whether  Pa  is  an  expert  in 
hypnotism  or  what  it  is,  but  he  certainly  de 
livers  the  goods  when  he  goes  after  a  wild 
animal  in  the  jungles  of  Africa,  and  he 
shows  bravery  at  times  that  astonishes 
everybody,  but  he  admits  that  he  is  a  coward 
at  heart,  and  would  run  if  anybody  pulled 
a  gun  on  him,  and  I  guess  he  would,  but 
you  turn  him  loose  in  a  wild  animal  con 
gress  and  he  will  be  speaker  and  make  the 
whole  bunch  get  on  their  knees. 

I  was  scared  when  Pa  wanted  to  have  a 
cage  with  iron  bars  hauled  into  the  jungle 
where  the  gorillas  live,  and  insisted  that  he 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  221 

be  left  there  alone  for  two  days,  with  ra 
tions  to  last  a  week,  as  he  said  he  expected 
to  have  some  gorilla  boarders  to  feed,  but 
Mr.  Hagenbach  let  Pa  have  his  way,  and 
the  cage  was  hauled  about  eight  miles  into 
the  black  wilderness,  with  great  trees  and 
vines  and  suckes  and  gorillas  all  around 
him,  but  Pa  insisted  on  having  a  phonograph 
full  of  jig  tunes,  and  when  we  got  the  cage 
located  and  Pa  in  it  and  were  ready  to  leave, 
T  cried,  and  the  whole  crowd  felt  as  though 
we  would  never  see  Pa  alive  again,  and  it 
was  a  sad  parting. 

When  we  left  Pa  he  was  cooking  some 
bacon  on  an  oil  stove  in  the  cage  and  fry 
ing  some  eggs  for  his  dinner,  and  as  we  took 
the  trail  back  to  camp,  in  silence,  we  could 
smell  the  bacon  frying,  and  when  we  got  a 
mile  or  so  away  we  heard  music  and  stopped 
to  listen  and  could  plainly  hear  the  phono 
graph  playing  "There  will  be  a  hot  time/' 
and  Mr.  Hagenbach  said  it  reminded  him 
of  a  dirge. 


222  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

It  was  a  long  two  days  before  we  could 
go  back  and  find  Pa's  remains,  but  the  sec 
ond  day  we  hiked  out  through  the  jungle 
and  into  the  woods.  Pa  had  told  us  that 
when  we  came  after  him  to  come  quiet  and 
not  disturb  the  menagerie,  so  when  we  got 
near  the  place  where  we  left  Pa  we  slowed 
down  and  crept  up  silently  and  peeked 
through  the  bushes  and  a  sight  met  our 
eyes  that  scared  me. 

There  were  four  big  gorillas  and  several 
little  ones  around  the  cage,  and  some  were 
gnawing  ham  bones  and  others  were  eating 
dog  biscuits,  but  it  was  so  silent  in  the  cage 
that  I  thought  Pa  had  been  killed  and  that 
the  gorillas  were  eating  him,  so  I  yelled, 
""Pa,  are  you  all  right?"  and  he  answered 
back,  "You  bet  your  sweet  life  I  am  all 
right,"  and  then  we  prepared  to  go  the  cage, 
when  Pa  said  for  us  to  climb  trees,  and  just 
then  the*  gorillas  started  for  us  with  their 
teeth  gleaming,  and  we  all  shinned  up  the 
trees  around  the  cage,  and  we  had  front 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  223 

seats  at  the  biggest  show  on  earth.  Pa  told 
us  that  the  gorillas  that  treed  us  were  afraid 
we  were  going  to  harm  him,  and  they  pro 
posed  to  protect  him. 

He  said  he  had  been  feeding  the  animals 
for  two  days  and  had  got  their  confidence 
so  he  could  make  them  understand  what  he 
wanted  them  to  do. 

"Now  watch  'em  dance  when  I  turn  on 
the  music,"  and  then  Pa  gave  them  the 
"Merry  Widow"  waltz,  and  by  gosh  if  a  big 
gorilla  didn't  put  his  arm  around  his  wife, 
or  some  other  gorilla's  wife,  and  dance  bare 
footed  right  there  in  front  of  the  cage,  and 
all  the  rest  joined  in,  and  the  baby  gorillas 
rolled  over  on  the  ground  and  laughed  like 
hyenas.  Pa  stopped  the  music  and  called 
one  big  gorilla  Rastus  and  told  him  to  sit 
down  in  the  cactus,  and  the  others  did  the 
same,  and  Pa  repeated  an  old  democratic 
speech  of  his,  and  they  clapped  their  hands 
just  like  a  caucus.  "Well,  what  do  you 
know  about  that  already,"  said  Mr.  Hagen- 


P«  Stopped  the  Music  and  Repeated  an  Old  Democratic  Speech  oK  Hi* 
and  They  Acted  Just  Like  a  Caucus. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  225 

bach,  and  then  he  asked  Pa  how  he  was  go 
ing  to  capture  them. 

Pa  said  he  had  them  in  the  cage  several 
times  and  let  them  out,  and  when  we  got 
ready  to  go  to  camp  all  he  had  to  do  was  to 
let  the  phonograph  play  "Supper  is  now 
ready  in  the  dining  car,"  and  they  would 
come  in  and  he  would  slip  out  and  lock  the 
door  and  we  could  haul  the  cage  to  camp. 

Well,  you  ought  to  have  seen  my  old 
gentleman  call  the  whole  bunch  of  gorillas 
into  the  cage  and  feed  them  and  see  them 
act  like  a  lot  of  boys  in  camp,  reaching  for 
potatoes  and  bacon  and  v/iping  their  lips  on 
their  hairy  arms,  but  none  of  them  asked  for 
/lapkins  or  finger  bowls.  When  the  food 
was  all  gone  they  began  to  kick  like  board 
ers  at  a  second-class  boarding  house,  and 
then  Pa  slipped  out  of  the  door  and  locked 
it,  and  we  came  down  out  of  the  trees  and 
surrounded  the  cage,  and  Pa  acted  as  barker 
and  told  us  the  names  he  had  given  to  the 
gorillas. 


All  He  Had  to  Do  Was  to  Play  "Supper  Is  Now  Ready  In  the  Dining 
Car"  on  the  Phonograph. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  227 

Pa  brought  the  phonograph  out  of  the 
cage  and  set  it  going  and  the  gorillas  began 
to  dance.  Mr.  Hagenbach  was  so  pleased 
that  he  fairly  hugged  Pa,  and  we  got  ready 
to  haul  the  cage  to  camp. 

Pa  always  makes  some  mistake  before  he 
has  a  proposition  well  in  hand,  and  he  did 
this  time,  of  course.  As  we  were  about  to 
start  the  gorilla  Rastus,  who  had  become 
Pa's  chum,  looked  at  Pa  so  pitiful  that  Pa 
said  he  guessed  he  would  let  Rastus  out  and 
he  and  Rastus  would  walk  along  ahead  and 
get  the  brush  out  of  the  road,  so  he  opened 
the  door  of  the  cage  and  beckoned  to  Rastus, 
and  the  big  gorilla  came  out  with  his  oldest 
boy,  and  Pa  and  the  two  of  them  took  hold 
of  hands  and  started  on  ahead,  and  we 
started  to  haul  the  wagon  by  drag  ropes, 
when  the  worst  possible  thing  happened. 
Rastus  reached  in  Pa's  pistol  pocket,  where 
Pa  had  just  put  a  large  plug  of  tobacco  after 
he  had  bit  off  a  piece,  and  Rastus  thought 
because  Pa  ate  the  tobacco  he  could,  so  he 


228  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

bit  off  about  half  of  the  plug  and  ate  it  and 
gave  his  half-grown  boy  the  rest  of  it,  and 
that  was  eaten  by  the  boy.  Pa  tried  to  take 
it  away  from  them,  but  it  was  too  late,  and 
they  were  both  mad  at  Pa  for  trying  to  beat 
them  out  of  their  dessert. 

It  was  not  long  before  Rastus  turned  pale 
around  the  mouth,  but  his  face  was  so  cov 
ered  with  hair  that  you  couldn't  tell  exactly 
how  sick  he  was;  though,  when  he  put  both 
hands  on  his  stomach,  gave  a  yell  and  turned 
some  somersaults,  we  knew  he  was  a  pretty 
sick  gorilla,  and  his  boy  rolled  over  and 
clawed  his  stomach  and  had  a  fit. 

Rastus  had  the  most  pained  and  revenge 
ful  look  on  his  face  I  ever  saw,  and  he  looked 
at  Pa  as  though  he  was  to  blame. 

Pa  had  one  of  the  men  get  the  medicine 
chest,  and  Pa  fixed  two  seidlitz  in  a  tin  cup, 
but  before  he  could  put  in  the  water  Rastus 
had  swallowed  the  powder  from  the  white 
and  blue  paper  and  reached  for  a  wash  basin 
of  water,  and  before  Pa  could  prevent  Ras- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  229 

tus  from  drinking  it  on  top  of  those  pow 
ders,  he  had  swallowed  every  drop  of  the 
water,  and  the  commotion  inside  of  him 
must  have  been  awful,  for  he  frothed  at  the 
mouth  and  the  bubbles  came  out  of  his  nose, 
and  he  rolled  over  and  yelled  like  a  man 
with  gout,  and  he  seemed  to  swell  up,  and 
Pa  looked  on  as  though  he  had  a  case  on  his 
hands  that  he  couldn't  diagnose,  while  Ras- 
tus'  boy  just  laid  on  the  ground  and  rolled 
his  eyes  as  though  he  were  saying  his  "Now 
I  lay  me,"  and  Mr.  Hagenbach  said  to  Pa  he 
guessed  he  had  broke  up  the  show,  and  Pa 
said,  "Never  you  mind,  I  will  pull  them 
both  through  all  right." 

Finally  the  siedlitz  powder  fiz  had  all  got 
out  of  Rastus'  system  and  he  seemed  to  be 
thinking  deeply  for  a  moment,  and  then  he 
got  off  his  haunches  and  looked  steadily 
into  Pa's  eyes  for  a  minute,  and  then  he 
took  Pa  by  one  hand  and  his  boy  with  the 
other  and  started  right  off  through  the 
jungle,  Pa  pulling  back  and  yelling  to  us  to 


23o  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

rescue  him  from  the  gorilla  kidnapers,  but 
Rastus  walked  fast  and  before  he  had  got 
ought  of  sight  he  had  picked  his  sick  boy  up 
and  carried  him  under  his  arm  and  both  were 
groaning,  and  he  held  on  to  Pa's  hand  and 
went  so  fast  that  Pa's  feet  only  hit  the  high 
places. 

The  gorillas  in  the  cage  looked  at  them 
disappear  and  tried  to  get  out  of  the  cage  to 
go  along,  but  they  couldn't  get  out. 

Finally  Mr.  Hagenbach  said  me,  "Hen 
nery,  I  guess  your  Pa  has  got  what  is  com 
ing  to  him  this  time.  Rastus  will  probably 
drag  your  Pa  up  a  tree  and  eat  him  when 
his  appetite  comes  back,  but  we  can't  help 
him,  so  we  better  haul  the  cage  and  the 
gorillas  that  have  not  had  any  tobacco  to 
camp,  and  in  a  day  or  two  we  will  all  come 
out  here  and  find  your  father's  bones  and 
bury  them." 

And  then  we  all  went  to  camp,  and  the 
poor  gorillas  just  remained  listlessly  in  the 
cage,  mourning  as  though  they  knew  Rastus 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  231 

and  his  boy  were  dead.    We  fed  them  every 
thing  we  could  spare,  but   they   would   not 
eat,  and  by  watching  them  we  found  there 
was  a  case  of  jealousy  in  the  cage,  as  two 
male  gorillas  seemed  to  be  stuck  on  a  young 
female,  and  they  were  scrapping  all  the  time. 
Gee,  but  we  needed  Pa  worse  than  ever  to 
settle  the  gorilla  dispute,  but  we  all  felt  that 
Pa  was  not  of  this  earth  any  more,  and  the 
camp  took  on  an  air  of  mournfulness,   and 
they  all  wanted  to  adopt  me,  'cause  I  was 
alone  in  the  world.     There  was  not  much 
sleep  in  camp  that  night,  and  the  next  day 
we  were  going  out  with  guns  to  find  Pa's 
remains  and  shoot  Rastus,  but  a  little  after 
daylight  we  heard  the  night  watchman  say 
to  the  cook,  who  was  building  a  fire,  "Look 
who's  here,  and  what  do   you   know   about 
that,"  and  he  called  the  whole  camp  up,  and 
we  looked  out  across  the   veldt    and    there 
came  Pa  astradle  of  a  Zebra,  with  Rastus' 
boy  up  behind  him  and  Rastus  thoroughly 


232  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

subdued,  leading  the  Zebra,  with  a  hay  rope 
Pa  had  twisted  out  of  grass. 

The  whole  camp  came  to  attention  and  Pa 
scratched  a  match  on  Rastus'  hair  and 
lighted  a  cigarette,  and  when  he  got  near 
enough  he  said:  "Slept  in  the  crotch  of  a 
tree  all  night.  Gave  Rastus  and  his  boy  a 
drink  of  whiskey  out  of  my  flask  and  cured 
them  of  the  tobacco  sickness,  had  some 
mangoes  for  breakfast,  sent  Rastus  to  catch 
a  Zebra,  and  here  we  are  ready  for  coffee  and 
pancakes." 

Pa  got  off  his  zebra,  opened  the  door  of 
the  cage  and  pointed  to  it,  and  Rastus  and 
his  boy  got  in,  and  Pa  kicked  Rastus  right 
where  the  hair  was  worn  off  sitting  down, 
and  Rastus  looked  at  Pa  as  though  that  was 
all  right  and  he  deserved  it.  Then  Pa  closed 
the  door,  washed  his  hands  and  sat  down  to 
breakfast,  and  when  Mr.  Hagenbach  said, 
"Old  man,  you  have  got  Barnum  and  Fore- 
paugh  skinned  a  mile,"  Pa  said,  "O  that  is 
nothing;  I  have  located  a  marsh  full  of  wild 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  233 

Buffaloes,  and  we  will  go  out  there  and  get 
a  drove  of  them  in  a  few  days. 

"They  are  the  ugliest  and  fightingest  ani 
mals  in  the  world,  but  I  will  halter  break 
some  of  them  and  ride  them  without  any 
saddle."  Mr.  Hagenbach  said  he  believed 
it,  and  Pa  said,  "Hennery,  one  spell  I 
thought  you  would  be  an  orphan,  but 
whiskey  saved  you.  When  they  got  a  big 
drink  of  whiskey  they  began  to  laugh,  and 
then  fell  on  my  neck  and  cried,  just  like  a 
white  man  when  he  is  too  drunk  to  fight. 
Well,  I  am  going  to  take  a  nap,"  and  Pa  laid 
down  on  a  bale  of  hay  and  slept  all  day,  and 
the  crowd  talked  about  what  a  hero  he  was. 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

The  Boy's  Experience  With  an  African 
Buffalo— The  Boy's  Pa  Shoots  Roman 
Candles  to  Scare  the  Buffaloes — The 
Boy's  Pa  Tames  the  Wild  Animals. 

When  Pa  told  us  that  he  had  located  a 
place  where  we  could  get  all  the  wild  Afri 
can  buffalo  that  we  wanted,  I  thought  of  the 
pictures  I  had  seen  of  the  killing  of  buffaloes 
in  America,  where  all  the  buffalo  hunter  had 
to  do  was  to  ride  a  horse  after  a  herd  of  the 
animals,  that  couldn't  run  faster  than  a  yoke 
of  oxen,  pick  out  a  big  bull  and  ride  along 
side  of  him  and  fire  bullets  into  his  vital 
parts  at  about  ten  feet  range,  until  his  liver 
was  filled  full  of  holes  and  he  had  the  nose 
bleed,  and  when  he  fell  down  from  loss  of 
blood,  dismount  and  skin  him  for  a  lap  robe. 
The  American  buffalo  would  always  run 
away  and  the  hunter  could  kill  him  if  he  had 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  235 

cartridges  enough,  and  never  be  in  any  more 
danger  than  a  farmer  milking  a  cow. 

I  thought  we  would  have  about  the  same 
kind  of  experience  with  African  buffalo,  only 
we  intended  to  lasso  them  and  bring  them 
to  camp  alive  for  the  show  business,  but  in 
stead  of  the  African  buffalo  running  away 
from  you,  he  runs  at  you  on  sight  and  tries 
to  gouge  out  your  inside  works  with  his 
horns,  and  paws  you  with  his  hoofs,  and 
when  he  gets  you  down  he  kneels  down  on 
you  and  runs  horns  all  through  your  system 
and  rolls  over  on  your  body  like  a  setter  dog 
rolling  on  an  old  dead  fish. 

The  African  buffalo  certainly  has  a 
grouch,  as  though  he  had  indigestion  from 
eating  cactus  thorns,  and  when  he  sees  a 
man  his  eyes  blaze  with  fire  and  he  gets  as 
crazy  as  an  anarchist  and  seems  to  combine 
in  his  make-up  the  habits  of  the  hyena,  the 
tiger,  the  man-eating  shark  and  the  Texas 
rattlesnake. 

I  wouldn't  want  such  an  animal  for  a  pet, 


236  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

but  Pa  said  the  way  to  get  buffaloes  was  to 
go  after  them  and  never  let  up  until  you  had 
them  under  your  control.  So  we  started  out 
under  Pa's  lead  to  capture  African  buffalo, 
and  while  the  returns  are  not  all  in  of  the 
dead  and  wounded,  we  know  that  our  ex 
pedition  is  pretty  near  used  up. 

These  African  buffaloes  live  in  a  marsh, 
where  the  grass  and  cane  grows  high  above 
them,  and  the  only  way  you  can  tell  where 
they  are  is  to  watch  the  birds  flying  around 
and  alighting  on  the  backs  of  the  animals  to 
eat  wood  ticks  and  gnats.  The  marsh  is  so 
thick  with  weeds  that  a  man  cannot  go  into 
it,  so  we  planned  to  start  the  airship  on  the 
windward  side  of  the  marsh,  after  lining  up 
the  whole  force  of  helpers,  negroes  and  white 
men,  and  building  a  corral  of  timber  on  the 
lee  side  of  the  marsh.  Pa  and  the  cowboy 
and  I  went  in  the  airship,  with  those  honk- 
honk  horns  they  have  on  automobiles,  and 
those  megaphones  that  are  used  at  football 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  237 

games,  and  Pa  had  a  bunch  of  Roman 
candles  to  scare  the  buffaloes. 

When  the  fence  was  done,  which  fifty 
men  had  worked  on  for  a  week,  it  run  in  the 
shape  of  a  triangle  or  a  fish  net,  with  a  big 
corral  at  the  middle.  Mr.  Hagenbach  sent 
up  a  rocket  to  notify  Pa  that  he  was  ready 
to  have  him  scare  the  buffaloes  out  of  the 
marsh,  down  the  fence  into  the  corral. 

Pa  had  the  gas  bag  all  full,  a  mile  across 
the  marsh,  tied  to  a  tree  with  a  slip  noose, 
so  when  we  all  got  set  he  could  pull  a  string 
and  untie  the  slip  noose. 

Well,  everything  worked  bully,  and  when 
Pa  tied  her  loose  we  went  up  into  the  air 
about  fifty  feet,  and  Pa  steered  the  thing  up 
and  down  the  marsh  like  a  pointer  dog  rang 
ing  a  field  for  chickens. 

It  was  the  greatest  sight  I  ever  witnessed, 
seeing  more  than  two  hundred  buffalo  heads 
raise  up  out  of  the  tall  grass  and  watch  the 
airship,  looking  as  savage  as  lions  eating 
raw  meat. 


238  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

First  they  never  moved  at  all,  but  we  be 
gan  to  blow  the  honk  horns,  and  then  we 
yelled  through  the  megaphones  to  "get  out 
of  there,  you  sawed  off  short  horns,"  and 
then  they  began  to  move  away  from  the  air 
ship  across  the  marsh,  and  we  followed  until 
they  began  to  get  into  a  herd,  nearly  on  the 
other  side  of  the  marsh,  but  they  only 
walked  fast,  splashing  through  the  mud. 

When  we  got  almost  across  the  marsh  Pa 
said  now  was  the  time  to  fire  the  Roman 
candles,  so  we  each  lit  our  candle,  and  the 
fire  and  smoke  and  the  fire  balls  fairly 
scorched  the  hair  of  the  buffaloes  in  the  rear 
of  the  herd,  and  in  a  jiffy  the  whole  herd 
stampeded  out  of  the  marsh  right  toward 
the  fence,  bellowing  in  African  language, 
scared  half  to  death,  the  first  instance  on  rec 
ord  that  an  African  buffalo  was  afraid  of 
anything  on  earth. 

We  followed  them  until  they  got  to  the 
fence,  but  only  about  one  hundred  got  into 
the  corral,  the  others  going  around  the  fence 


Some  of  Those   Negroes  Are   Running  Yet,  and  Will   No   Doubt  Com* 
Out  at  Cairo,  Egypt. 


24o  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

and  chasing  the  keepers  into  the  jungle  and 
hooking  the  negroes  in  the  pants,  and  some 
of  the  negroes  are  running  yet,  and  will,  no 
doubt,  come  out  at  Cairo,  Egypt. 

Mr.  Hagenbach  and  the  white  men  got  up 
in  trees  and  watched  Pa  and  the  airship,  and 
when  we  got  where  the  fence  narrowed  up 
at  the  corral  Pa  let  the  airship  come  down  to 
the  ground  and  anchored  it  to  a  stump  and 
yelled  for  the  boss  of  the  expedition  and  the 
men  to  come  down  out  of  the  trees  and  help 
capture  some  of  the  best  specimens;  so  they 
came  down  and  tore  out  the  wings  of  the 
fence  and  placed  them  across  so  we  had  the 
buffaloes  in  a  pen,  and  then  Mr.  Hagenbach, 
who  had  been  getting  a  little  jealous  of  Pa, 
came  up  to  him  and  shook  his  hand  and  told 
him  he  was  a  wonder  in  the  capturing  of 
wild  animals,  and  Pa  said  don't  mention  it, 
and  Pa  took  the  makings  and  made  himself 
a  cigarette  and  smoked  up,  and  Mr.  Hagen 
bach  asked  Pa  how  we  were  going  to  get 
the  buffaloes  out  of  the  corral,  'cause  they 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  241 

were  fighting  each  other  in  the  far  end  of  the 
pen,  and  Pa  said  you  just  wait,  and  he  sent 
for  the  cages,  enough  to  hold  about  ten  of 
the  buffaloes,  and  we  let  the  gas  out  of  the 
airship  and  went  into  camp  right  there,  and 
Pa  bossed  things  for  about  two  days,  until 
the  buffaloes  got  good  and  hungry,  and  then 
we  backed  the  cages  up  to  an  opening  in  the 
fence  and  put  hay  in  the  far  end  of  the  cages, 
and  the  herd  began  to  take  notice. 

We  wanted  the  big  bulls  and  some  cows, 
and  nature  helped  us  on  the  bulls,  'cause 
they  fought  the  weaker  ones  away  from  the 
cages,  and  walked  right  up  the  incline  into 
the  cages,  and  Pa  went  in  and  locked  the 
doors,  and  when  we  got  the  cages  full  of 
bulls  and  started  to  haul  the  cages  to  camp 
by  the  aid  of  some  of  the  negroes  who  had 
returned  alive,  by  jineo,  the  cows  followed 
the  cages  with  the  bulls  in,  and  you  couldn't 
drive  them  away. 

We  loaded  the  gas  bag  on  to  a  sort  of 
stone  boat,  and  Pa  rigged  up  a  couple  of  ox 


242  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

yokes  and  in  some  way  hypnotized  a  few 
cow  buffaloes  so  he  could  drive  them,  and 
they  hauled  the  stone  boat  with  the  airship 
to  camp,  and  we  got  there  almost  as  soon  as 
the  cages  did,  and  Pa  was  smoking  as  con 
tented  as  though  he  was  walking  on  Broad 
way,  and  with  an  ox  gad  he  would  larrup 
the  oxen  and  say,  "Haw  Buck,"  like  a  farmer 
driving  oxen  to  plow  a  field. 

Pa  got  his  wild  oxen  so  tame  before  we 
got  to  camp  that  they  would  eat  hay  out  of 
his  hand,  and  when  we  rounded  up  in  our 
permanent  camp  and  looked  over  our  stock 
and  killed  some  of  the  buffaloes  that  had  fol 
lowed  the  cages,  for  meat  for  the  negroes, 
and  lit  some  sky  rockets  and  fired  them  at  the 
balance  of  the  herd  to  drive  them  away  from 
camp,  the  negroes,  who  had  always  had  a 
horror  of  meeting  wild  buffaloes,  thought 
Pa  was  a  superior  being  to  be  able  to  tame  a 
whole  herd  of  the  most  savage  animals,  and 
they  got  down  on  their  knees  and  placed 
their  faces  in  the  dust  in  front  of  Pa  and 


P«  Had  to  Put  Hie  Foot  on  Their  Necks  and  Acknowledge   Himself 
Their  King  and  Protector. 


*44  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

worshipped  him,  and  they  wouldn't  get  up 
off  the  ground  until  Pa  had  gone  around  and 
put  his  feet  on  the  necks  of  all  the  negroes 
in  token  that  he  acknowledged  himself  to  be 
their  king  and  protector,  and  the  wives  of 
the  negroes  all  threw  their  arms  around  Pa 
and  hugged  him  until  he  got  tired,  and  he 
said  he  had  rather  fight  buffaloes  than  be 
hugged  by  half  naked  negro  women  that 
hadn't  had  a  bath  since  Stanley  discovered 
them,  but  Pa  appreciated  the  honor,  and  Mr. 
Hagenbach  said  Pa  was  the  greatest  man  in 
the  world. 

The  next  day  we  shipped  the  buffaloes  to 
the  coast  and  had  them  sent  to  Berlin,  and 
when  we  got  the  mail  from  headquarters 
there  was  an  order  for  a  lot  more  tigers,  so 
I  suppose  we  will  be  tigering  as  soon  as  the 
open  season  is  on. 

The  idea  is  that  we  must  get  all  the  ani 
mals  we  can  this  year,  for  it  is  rumored  that 
Roosevelt  is  coming  to  Africa  next  year  to 
cboot  big  game,  and  all  of  us  feel  that  wild 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  245 

animals  will  be  scarce  after  he  has  de 
vastated  Africa. 

We  got  short  of  Salt  Pork,  and  some  time 
ago  Pa  salted  down  some  sides  of  rhinocer 
os,  and  yesterday  was  the  day  to  open  the 
barrel.  Pa  showed  the  cooks  how  to  fry 
rhinoceros  pork,  and  I  tell  you  it  made  you 
hungry  to  smell  rhinoceros  frying,  and  with 
boiled  potatoes  and  ostrich  eggs  and  milk 
gravy,  made  from  elephant  milk,  we  lived 
high,  but  the  next  day  an  epidemic  broke 
out,  and  they  laid  it  to  Pa's  rhinoceros 
pork  dinner,  but  Pa  says  any  man  who  eats 
eight  or  nine  fried  ostrich  eggs  is  liable  to 
indigestion. 

Gee,  but  this  is  a  great  country  to  enjoy 
an  outing  in. 


CHAPTER  XVIII. 

The  Boy  and  His  Pa  Start  for  the  Coast  in 
an  Airship — Pa  Saluted  the  Crowd  as  We 
Passed  Over  Them — The  Airship  Lands 
Amid  a  Savage  Tribe — The  King  of  the 
Tribe  Escorts  Pa  and  the  Boy  to  the 
Palace. 

The  animal  capturing  season  is  pretty 
near  over,  and  we  have  had  a  meeting  of  all 
the  white  men  connected  with  the  expedi 
tion  and  decided  to  break  up  the  camp  and 
take  our  animals  to  the  coast  and  sail  back 
to  Europe  and  to  the  States. 

It  was  decided  that  Pa  and  I  and  the  cow 
boy  and  a  negro  dwarf  belonging  to  a  tribe 
we  have  been  trying  to  locate  should  start 
for  the  coast  in  the  airship,  and  the  rest  of 
the  crowd  should  go  with  the  cages,  and  all 
round  up  at  a  place  on  the  coast  in  three 
weeks,  when  we  could  catch  a  boat  for  Ham- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  247 

burg,  Germany.  So  we  got  the  airship  ready 
and  made  gas  enough  to  last  us  a  week  and 
filled  the  tank  that  furnishes  the  power  for 
the  screw  wheel  with  gasoline,  and  in  a  cou 
ple  of  days  we  were  ready  to  let  her  go  Gal 
lagher. 

It  was  a  sad  parting  for  Pa,  'cause  all 
the  captured  animals  wanted  to  shake  hands 
with  him,  and  some  of  them  acted  more  hu 
man  than  some  of  the  white  men,  and  when 
the  cages  were  all  hitched  up  and  ready  to 
move  and  the  negroes  had  been  paid  off  and 
given  a  drink  of  rum  and  a  zebra  sandwich, 
Mr.  Hagenbach  embraced  Pa,  and  Pa  got  up 
on  the  framework  of  the  ship  and  took  hold 
of  the  gear,  and  we  got  on  and  Pa  told  them 
to  cut  her  loose,  and  a  little  after  daylight 
we  sailed  away  towards  the  coast  and  left 
the  bunch  we  had  been  with  so  long  with 
moistened  eyes.  Pa  saluted  the  crowd  and 
throwed  a  kiss  to  the  big  ourang  outang 
which  had  become  almost  like  a  brother  to 
Pa,  the  drivers  whipped  up  the  horses  and 


248  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

oxen  hitched  to  the  cages,  and  as  the  proces 
sion  rattled  along  to  the  main  road  going 
south  Pa  said,  "Good-bye,  till  we  meet 
again,"  and  just  then  the  wind  changed,  and 
in  spite  of  all  Pa  could  do  the  airship  turned 
towards  the  north  and  ran  like  a  scared  wolf 
the  wrong  way. 

The  procession  had  got  out  of  sight,  or 
Pa  would  have  pulled  the  string  that  lets  the 
gas  escape,  and  come  down  to  the  ground; 
but  he  realized  that  if  we  landed  alone  we 
would  starve  to  death  and  be  eaten  by  wild 
animals,  so  he  let  her  sail  right  away  from 
where  we  wanted  to  go,  and  we  all  said  our 
prayers  and  prayed  for  the  wind  to  change 
again. 

Gee,  but  we  sailed  over  a  beautfful  coun 
try  for  an  hour  or  two,  hills  and  valleys  and 
all  kinds  of  animals  in  sight  all  the  time,  but 
now  we  didn't  want  any  more  animals, 
'cause  we  had  no  place  to  keep  them.  But 
the  animals  all  seemed  to  want  us.  The 
lions  we  passed  over  would  roar  at  us,  the 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  249 

tigers  would  snarl,  the  hyenas  would  laugh 
at  Pa,  the  zebras  on  the  plains  we  passed 
over  would  race  along  with  us  and  kick  up 
their  heels  like  colts  in  a  pasture,  and  the 
cowboy  stood  straddle  of  the  bamboo  frame 
and  just  itched  to  throw  his  lasso  over  a  fine 
zebra,  but  Pa  told  him  to  let  'em  alone, 
'cause  we  didn't  want  to  be  detained. 

We  passed  over  rivers  where  hippopota- 
musses  were  as  thick  as  suckers  in  a  spring 
freshet,  and  they  lookd  at  us  as  though  they 
wouldn't  do  a  thing  to  the  airship  if  we 
landed  in  their  midst. 

We  passed  over  rhinoceroses  with  horns 
bigger  than  any  we  had  ever  seen,  and  we 
passed  over  a  herd  of  more  than  a  hundred 
elephants,  and  they  all  gave  us  the  laugh. 

We  passed  over  gnus  and  springboks  and 
deer  of  all  kinds,  and  when  they  heard  the 
propellor  of  the  airship  rattle,  they  would 
look  up  and  snort  and  run  away  in  all  direc 
tions.  Some  giraffes  were  feeding  in  the  tree 
tops  at  one  grove,  and  Pa  let  the  ship  down 


250  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

a  little  so  we  could  count  the  spots  on  them, 
and  I  had  a  syphon  of  seltzer  water,  and  I 
squirted  it  in  the  face  of  a  big  giraffe,  and  he 
sneezed  like  a  cat  that  has  got  a  dose  of 
smelling  salts,  and  then  the  whole  herd 
stampeded  in  a  sort  of  hipty-hop,  and  we 
laughed  at  their  awkwardness. 

We  sailed  along  over  more  animals  than 
we  ever  thought  there  were  in  the  world,  and 
over  thatched  houses  in  villages,  where  the 
negroes  would  come  out  and  take  a  look  at 
us  and  then  fall  on  their  knees  and  we  could 
see  their  mouths  work  as  though  they  were 
saying  things. 

Along  towards  noon  Pa  yelled  to  the  cow 
boy  that  we  would  have  to  land  pretty  soon, 
and  to  get  the  drag  rope  ready,  'cause  we 
were  going  the  wrong  way  to  hit  the  coast, 
and  the  first  big  village  we  came  in  sight  of 
he  was  going  to  land  and  take  our  chances. 

Pretty  soon  a  big  village  loomed  up  ahead 
on  a  high  plane  near  a  river,  with  more  than 
a  hundred  houses  and  fields  of  corn  and  po- 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  251 

tatoes  and  grain  all  around  it,  and  one  big 
house  like  about  forty  hay  stacks  all  in  one, 
and  Pa  gave  the  word  to  stand  by,  and  when 
we  got  near  the  village  the  whole  population 
came  out  beating  tom-toms  and  waving  their 
shirts,  and  Pa  pulled  the  string,  some  of 
the  gas  escaped,  and  we  came  down  in  a 
sort  of  plaza  right  in  the  center  of  the  vil 
lage,  and  tied  the  drag  rope  to  a  tree  and 
anchored  the  gas  bag  at  both  ends. 

The  crowd  of  negroes  stood  back  in 
amazement  and  waited  for  the  king  of  the 
tribe  to  come  out  of  the  big  shack,  and 
while  he  was  getting  ready  to  show  up  we 
looked  around  at  the  preparations  for  a 
feast  which  we  had  noticed. 

It  was  a  regular  barbecue,  and  the  little 
dwarf  we  had  brought  along  began  to  sniff 
at  the  stuff  that  was  being  roasted  over  the 
fire,  and  Pa  looked  at  him  and  asked  him 
what  the  layout  was  all  about,  and  the 
dwarf,  who  had  learned  to  speak  a  little  En 
glish,  got  on  his  knees  and  told  Pa  the  sky 


252  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

ship  had  landed  in  the  midst  of  his  own 
tribe,  where  he  had  been  stolen  from  a  year 
ago  by  another  tribe,  and  that  the  feast  was 
a  canibal  feast,  got  up  in  honor  of  the  tribal 
Thanksgiving,  and  that  the  bodies  roasting 
were  members  of  another  tribe  that  had  been 
captured  in  a  battle,  and  the  dwarf  got  up 
and  began  to  talk  to  his  old  friends  and 
neighbors,  and  he  evidently  told  them  we 
were  great  people,  having  rescued  him  from 
the  tribe  that  stole  him,  and  had  brought 
him  back  home  in  the  sky  ship,  safe  and 
sound. 

The  people  began  to  kneel  down  to  Pa  and 
worship  him,  but  Pa  said  it  made  him  sick 
to  smell  that  stuff  cooking,  and  he  told  us 
that  he  felt  our  end  had  come,  'cause  we  had 
landed  in  a  cannibal  country,  and  they  would 
cook  us  and  eat  us  as  sure  as  cooking. 

Pa  said  if  they  roasted  him  and  tried  to 
eat  him  they  would  find  they  had  a  pretty 
tough  proposition,  but  he  thought  the  cow 
boy  and  I  would  make  pretty  good  eating. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  253 

We  got  our  Winchesters  and  revolvers  off 
the  airship  and  got  ready  to  fight  if  neces 
sary,  when  suddenly  all  of  the  negroes, 
dwarfs  and  full-grown  negroes,  got  down  on 
the  ground  and  kissed  the  earth,  all  in  two 
lines,  and  up  to  the  far  end  of  the  line,  near 
the  king's  house,  out  came  the  king  of  the 
tribe,  dressed  like  a  vaudeville  performer, 
and  he  marched  down  between  the  lines  with 
stately  tread  towards  Pa  and  the  cowboy 
and  your  little  Hennery. 

Heiiad  on  an  old  plug  hat,  fifty  years  old 
at  least,  evidently  only  worn  on  occasions  of 
ceremony,  and  the  rest  of  him  was  naked, 
except  a  shirt  made  of  grass,  which  was 
buckled  around  his  waist,  and  he  carrlecl  an 
empty  tomatoe  can  in  one  hand  and  a  big  oil 
can,  such  as  kerosene  is  shipped  in,  in  the 
other,  and  around  his  neck  was  a  lot  of 
empty  pint  beer  bottles  strung  on  a  piece  of 
copper  wire,  and  he  had  his  nose  and  ears 
pierced,  and  in  the  holes  he  wore  tin  tags 
that  came  off  of  plugs  of  tobacco. 


254  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

He  was  a  sight  sure  enough,  but  he  was 
as  dignified  as  a  southern  negro  driving  a 
hack.  Pa  kept  his  nerve  with  him,  rolled  a 
cigarette,  scratched  a  match  on  the  seat  of 
his  pants  and  lighted  it,  and  blew  smoke 
through  his  nostrils  and  looked  mad  as  he 
laid  his  Winchester  across  his  left  arm.  The 
cowboy  was  trembling,  but  he  had  his  gun 
ready,  and  I  was  monkeying  with  an  auto 
matic  revolver,  and  the  King  came  right  up 
to  Pa  and  looked  Pa  over,  and  walked  around 
him,  making  signs.  Then  he  looked  at  the 
airship  and  gas  bag  and  sniffed  at  the  feast 
cooking,  and  finally  his  eye  fell  on  the  dwarf, 
who  had  been  mourned  as  dead,  and  he  called 
the  dwarf  one  side  to  talk  to  him,  and  Pa 
said  to  the  dwarf,  "Tell  him  we  have  just 
dropped  down  from  Heaven  to  inspect  the 
tribe  and  take  an  account  of  stock."  The 
king  and  the  dwarf  talked  awhile,  and  then 
the  king  came  up  to  Pa  and  got  down  on  his 
knees  and  in  pigeon  English,  broken  by 
sobs,  he  informed  Pa  that  he  recognized  that 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  255 

Pa  had  been  sent  from  Heaven  to  take  the 
position  of  king  of  the  tribe,  and  he  an 
nounced  to  the  tribe  that  gathered  around 
him  that  he  abdicated  in  Pa's  favor,  and 
turned  his  tribe,  lands,  stock  and  mines  over 
to  the  Heaven-sent  white  man,  and  for  them 
to  look  upon  Pa  as  king  and  escort  him  to 
the  palace  and  turn  over  to  him  all  his  prop 
erty,  wives,  ivory,  copper  and  gold,  and  he 
would  go  jump  in  the  lake,  and  in  token  of 
abdication  he  turned  over  to  Pa  the  plug  hat, 
and  was  taking  off  the  beer  bottles  from 
around  his  neck  when  Pa  stopped  the  deal 
and  said  he  would  take  charge  of  the  prop 
erty  and  the  palace,  but  he  would  not  have 
the  wives  or  the  hat,  and  he  would  try  to 
govern  the  tribe  so  it  would  soon  take  its 
place  besides  the  kingdoms  of  Europe,  but 
the  old  king  must  sit  on  his  right  hand  as 
adviser  and  friend  and  run  the  family. 

The  king  agreed,  and  the  tribe  escorted 
Pa  and  the  cowboy  and  me  to  the  palace 
and  placed  Pa  on  the  throne,  the  cowboy  on 


256  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

the  left,  the  old  king  on  the  right  and  me  at 
Pa's  feet,  and  then  about  one  hundred  of  the 
king's  wives  came  in  with  cow  tails  tied 
around  their  waists  and  danced  before  Pa, 
and  Pa  covered  his  eyes  and  said  to  the  cow 
boy,  "Take  this  thing  easy  and  don't  get  rat 
tled  and  we  will  get  out  of  it  some  way,  but 
I'll  be  cussed  if  I  eat  any  of  that  roasted 
nigger." 

After  they  danced  awhile  a  tom-tom 
sounded  afar  off  and  the  crowd  started  for 
the  feast,  and  some  niggers  brought  in  a 
tray  of  meat  for  us,  but  Pa  said  we  were 
vegetarians  and  the  great  Spirit  would  be  of 
fended  if  we  ate  meat,  and  Pa  made  a  sign 
of  distress,  and  they  took  away  the  boiled 
ham  of  a  colored  person  and  brought  us  some 
green  corn  and  sweet  potatoes,  and  then  they 
all  drank  something  out  of  gourds,  and  all 
got  drunk  except  the  old  king  and  Pa  and 
the  cowboy. 

When  everybody  was  good  and  drunk  Pa 
called  us  all  into  executive  session  and  took 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  257 

charge  of  the  affairs  of  the  tribe,  and  we 
were  assigned  to  a  room,  as  it  was  night,  and 
when  we  got  in  and  shut  the  door  Pa  says 
to  the  cowboy,  "How  does  this  compare  with 
life  with  the  Digger  Indians?"  and  the  cow 
boy  said,  "This  takes  the  cake,"  and  Pa  ex<- 
amined  the  old  king's  valuables  and  found 
gold  enough  to  pay  the  national  debt,  and 
diamonds  by  the  quart,  as  big  as  walnuts, 
and  Pa  said,  "This  sure  looks  good  to  me, 
and  we  will  tarry  a  while.  You  plug  up  that 
gas  bag  so  no  guilty  gas  can  escape,  and 
some  day  we  will  load  up  with  diamonds  and 
things  and  make  a  quick  get  away." 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

The  Boy's  Pa  Becomes  King  Over  the 
Negroes — Pa  Shows  the  Natives  How  to 
Dig  Wells — Pa  Teaches  the  Natives  to 
Become  Soldiers — The  Boy  Uses  a  Dozen 
Nigger  Chasers  and  Some  Roman  Can 
dles — The  Boy,  His  Pa  and  the  Natives 
Assist  at  the  4th  of  July  Celebration. 

This  being  a  king  over  a  few  thousand 
negroes,  the  position  Pa  holds,  with  the 
regular  king  of  the  tribe  reduced  to  the  oc 
cupation  of  interpreter  to  the  white  king, 
has  its  drawbacks,  and  Pa  is  getting  pretty 
sick  of  it,  the  cowboy  that  it  with  us  is  dis 
couraged,  and  I  have  no  one  to  play  with 
but  some  coons  who  never  cared  for  any 
thing  but  to  feast  on  human  flesh,  sleep  and 
fight  among  themselves,  so  Pa  is  arranging 
to  skip  out  some  morning  with  the  airship 
when  we  get  our  hands  on  the  gold  and 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  259 

diamonds  this  tribe  have  hidden  around  the 
camp.  But  in  the  meantime  we  are  educat 
ing  these  Africans  into  the  methods  of  civili 
zation. 

Pa  has  issued  an  edict  that  the  eating  of 
human  flesh  must  cease,  and  he  has  ex 
plained  to  them  that  the  Great  Spirit  will 
have  it  in  for  any  person  that  kills  except 
in  self  defense,  and  that  all  who  are  cannibals 
will  never  get  to  Heaven,  and  the  whole  tribe 
has  sworn  off  on  eating  the  bodies  of  human 
beings,  and  Pa  has  taught  them  the  way  to 
broil  a  beef  steak,  and  they  can't  get  enough 
of  it.  They  never  knew  what  it  was  to  eat 
the  flesh  of  cattle,  but  just  raised  cattle  for 
the  hides,  and  to  sell  at  the  Railroad  sta 
tions,  but  they  never  knew  what  the  white 
buyers  did  with  the  cattle. 

Pa  has  showed  them  how  to  dig  wells, 
and  get  good  water  to  drink,  instead  of 
drinking  surface  water  and  liquor  made  out 
of  some  kind  of  berries,  that  makes  you 
drunk  to  smell  of  it. 


*6o  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

The  cowboy  has  got  a  buffalo  trained  to 
ride  and  a  zebra  that  acts  like  a  regular  cow 
pony  of  the  plains. 

The  cowboy  came  near  to  getting  us  in 
trouble  by  getting  drunk  on  the  berry  juice. 
He  got  on  the  zebra  with  his  lariat  rope  and 
put  the  spurs  to  the  animal  and  rode  through 
the  camp  and  threw  his  rope  over  the  old 
ex-king  and  tightened  it  up  around  his  neck, 
just  to  show  what  he  could  do,  and  the  zebra 
ran  away  and  dragged  the  king  through  the 
chaparral  and  came  near  killing  him,  but  Pa 
explained  to  the  old  king  that  the  cowboy 
was  the  agent  of  the  Great  Spirit,  and  was 
trying  out  the  king  to  see  if  he  had  patience, 
and  could  take  a  joke  without  letting  his 
angry  passions  rise,  and  that  if  he  could  and 
could  smile  at  adversity,  he  would  be  looked 
upon  as  one  of  the  elect. 

Pa  told  him  that  often  King  Edward, 
Emperor  William  and  the  Czar  of  Russia 
were  roped  and  dragged  around  by  the  neck, 
and  they  enjoyed  it. 


Pa  Explained  to  th«  Old  King  That  the    Cowboy    Was    the    Agent    of    th« 

Great  Spirit. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  261 

Pa's  diplomatic  talk  to  the  negro  king  so 
impressed  him  that  he  wanted  the  cowboy 
to  rope  Pa,  and  drag  him  some,  but  Pa 
pointed  his  ringer  to  the  sky  and  said  he  was 
so  good  that  no  rope  could  touch  him.  Gee, 
but  those  niggers  are  easy  marks. 

Pa  and  the  cowboy  have  been  training  the 
male  members  of  the  tribe  in  the  military 
drill,  and  we  have  got  eight  Companies  that 
can  march  by  fours  and  in  platoons,  and 
come  into  line  just  like  soldiers,  and  they 
are  proud  of  what  they  can  do,  but  they  only 
use  clubs  for  guns,  though  Pa  has  promised 
them  that  when  he  gets  money  enough  he 
will  buy  Winchesters  for  the  whole  army, 
and  we  will  go  and  wipe  out  a  tribe  about 
twenty  miles  away,  and  take  all  their  gold 
and  diamonds,  and  they  are  going  to  dig  up 
their  gold  and  diamonds  and  give  them  to 
Pa  to  buy  guns.  That  is  about  when  we  will 
skip  out  for  the  coast  and  sail  for  Paris  and 
New  York. 

I   suppose    I   ought   to   be   killed,   but   I 


262  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

couldn't  help  having  some  fun  with  Pa's 
colored  troops.  One  night  Pa  had  brought 
them  into  line,  after  drilling  them,  and  had 
made  them  break  ranks  and  sit  down  around 
the  big  camp  fire  while  the  women  served  a 
barbecue  banquet. 

All  day  the  women  had  been  cooking  an 
ox  and  some  pigs  over  a  big  fire,  under  Pa's 
supervision,  cause  Pa  used  to  be  a  soldier 
and  a  politician  and  had  superintended 
political  barbecues  lots  of  times,  and  he  had 
the  meat  cooked  so  nice  that  wild  animals 
had  come  near  camp  to  smell  of  the  barbecue, 
and  Pa's  soldiers  sat  there  watering  at  the 
mouth,  and  thinking  how  much  better  oxen 
and  pigs  were  for  food  than  human  beings, 
and  Pa  felt  that  he  had  made  a  big  triumph 
for  civilization,  and  that  his  name  would  be 
handed  down  to  future  generations  with  the 
names  of  Stanley,  Livingston  and  Roosevelt. 

The  negroes  were  resting  around  the  fire, 
talking  over  the  day's  drilling,  and  how, 
when  they  got  the  guns  Pa  was  going  to 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  263 

buy  for  them,  they  would  go  on  the  war 
path,  when  the  women  began  to  bring  the 
food,  the  meat  cut  up  in  chunks,  and  sweet 
potatoes  on  big  leaves  and  straw  mats,  and 
all  began  to  eat  like  wild  animals.  It  was 
too  peaceful  a  scene  for  me  to  enjoy,  so  I 
went  to  a  knapsack  that  I  brought  along 
from  Paris,  and  got  out  my  fireworks,  which 
I  always  carry  along  for  emergencies. 

I  got  about  a  dozen  nigger  chasers  and 
some  Roman  candles,  and  told  the  cowboy 
I  was  going  to  have  some  fun  scaring  Pa's 
troops,  to  see  if  they  were  brave  enough  to 
fight  an  enemy. 

The  cowboy  had  been  drinking  some 
berry  juice  and  he  said  he  would  assist  at 
the  Fourth  of  July  celebration  by  taking  his 
Winchester  and  firing  at  some  of  the  jackals 
and  hyenas  that  had  been  attracted  by  the 
barbecue  smell,  just  as  I  touched  off  my 
fireworks. 

Well,  it  was  a  crime  to  do  it,  but  what 
is  a  boy  going  to  do  when  he  is  away  off  in  a 


264  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

strange  country  and  he  has  to  create  his 
own  fun. 

Well,  just  as  the  troops  had  got  filled  up 
with  the  meal,  and  the  women  who  had 
served  the  banquet  had  sat  down  with  the 
colored  soldiers  to  eat  what  was  left,  and 
everybody  was  laughing,  and  Pa  stood  up 
by  a  tree  in  the  light  of  the  fire,  like  a  fat 
statue,  patting  himself  on  the  back  and 
thinking  he  was  the  greatest  man  since 
Julius  Caeser,  I  got  a  coal  of  fire  and  touched 
off  my  nigger  chasers  and  pointed  them 
towards  the  crowd  sitting  around  the  fire, 
and  touched  off  a  pinwheel  I  had  fastened 
to  a  tree  by  a  thorn,  and  opened  up  my  bat 
tery  of  Roman  candles,  pointing  them  at  Pa 
and  the  ex-king,  who  were  the  only  ones 
standing  up,  and  the  cowboy  cut  loose  with 
the  Winchester  at  the  wild  animals,  with  a 
cowboy  yell  such  as  they  give  when  they 
are  shooting  up  a  town  out  west. 

O  my,  O  my!  I  hope  I  may  live  to  see 
another  such  a  circus  some  day,  but  I  guess 


Told  the  Cowboy  I  Was  Going  to  Have   Some   Fun   Scarring   Pa'»  Troop*. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  265 

not,  for  if  Pa  does  not  kill  me  the  niggers 
will,  if  they  ever  come  back.  Those  nigger 
chasers  started  the  stampede.  You  know 
how  nigger  chasers  such  as  boys  use  in 
America,  rush  around  in  every  direction 
spitting  fire,  and  acting  like  crazy  snakes. 
Well,  they  went  into  that  crowd  like  pizen, 
run  up  the  legs  of  the  men,  and  chased  the 
women,  and  there  was  a  stampede  for  fair. 
Men  and  women  fell  over  each  other,  clawed 
hair  and  got  on  their  knees  and  said  their 
"now  I  lay  me,"  dodged  the  nigger  chasers, 
and  when  they  got  away  from  one  chaser  an 
other  one  would  meet  them  and  run  up  their 
frames  and  jump  off  and  go  for  another  and 
there  was  the  scardest  bunch  of  negroes  that 
ever  danced  a  war  dance,  and  when  the  balls 
from  the  Roman  candles  began  to  strike  all 
around  Pa  and  the  old  king,  and  the  pin- 
wheel  began  to  revolve,  and  spatter  out  dif 
ferent  colored  lights,  and  the  cowboy's  Win 
chester  boomed,  and  the  wounded  jackals 
howled,  and  a  lion  that  got  pretty  near  the 


266  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

camp  let  out  a  roar  that  shook  the  earth  the 
whole  crowd  made  for  the  woods  and  I 
touched  off  a  rocket  and  let  it  go  into  the 
crowd  there  was  a  breaking  of  brush  and  a 
yelling  in  the  negro  dialect,  and  all  that  was 
left  around  the  campfire  was  Pa  and  the 
cowboy  and  your  little  Hennery. 

Pa  knew  what  was  the  trouble.  He  knew 
it  was  his  little  boy  that  created  the  dis 
turbance.  "They're  off"  says  I,  walking  up  to 
Pa,  and  putting  my  arm  around  him.  "That 
scarce  pays  me  for  all  I  have  suffered  since 
I  came  to  Africa  on  this  fool  expedition," 
said  the  cowboy,  as  he  picked  up  a  piece  of 
roast  pig  and  began  to  gnaw  it.  "Hennery," 
says  Pa,  picking  up  a  club,  "You  have 
stampeded  the  noblest  army  in  Africa,  and 
broken  up  a  tribe  that  were  my  subjects, 
and  left  me  a  white  king  with  nothing  to 
king  it  over;  you  have  broken  up  the  whole 
show  and  I  must  proceed  to  kill  you." 

I  dodged  and  gave  Pa  the  laugh,  and  told 
him  his  tribe  would  be  back  in  the  morning, 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  267 

and  he  could  make  up  a  story  that  the  Great 
Spirit  had  become  offended  at  the  tribe,  and 
turned  loose  the  elements  on  them,  and  Pa 
said,  "Good  idea,  Hennery,"  and  we  climbed 
trees  to  sleep  while  the  hyenas  came  into 
camp  and  ate  up  the  remains  of  the  banquet. 
Pa  said,  "Hennery,  you  always  raise  hades 
on  your  watch,  but  I  fear  you  have  over 
done  it  this  time,"  and  I  said  to  Pa,  "You 
wait  till  daylight  and  the  whole  bunch  will 
be  back  here  worshipping  you  because  they 
think  you  are  a  baldheaded  God,  see?"  and 
Pa  said,  "Mebby,  boy,  mebby  so." 


CHAPTER  XX. 

The  Boy  Goes  Home  from  Church  with  a 
Girl— The  Boy  Meets  the  Girl's  Pa  at  a 
Barbecue — Pa  Fills  the  Gas  Bag  and  They 
Get  Ready  to  Sail  the  Airship — Pa,  the 
Boy  and  the  King  Take  a  Ride  up  in  the 
Clouds — Pa  Meets  a  New  Tribe  and  They 
Take  Him  for  Mr.  Roosevelt. 

I  have  spent  a  good  many  terrible  nights 
in  my  time,  but  I  never  spent  such  a  night 
as  I  did  up  the  tree,  the  night  I  fired  the 
nigger  chasers  into  the  barbecue  crowd  in 
Africa,  with  hyenas  and  jackals  sitting  on 
their  haunches  and  looking  up  at  us,  lick 
ing  their  chops,  and  yapping  for  us  to  come 
down  and  be  chewed. 

Once  when  I  was  quite  a  bit  younger,  a 
party  of  us  boys  went  to  rob  a  melon  patch, 
and  the  farmer  shot  us  in  the  pants  with 
rock  salt,  and  chased  us  up  a  tree,  while  the 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  269 

dogs  stood  at  the  foot  of  the  tree  all  night 
and  barked,  and  the  salt  in  our  wounds  was 
making  us  smart  awful,  but  it  was  not  so 
dangerous  as  this  hyena  stunt. 

Once  I  went  home  from  church  with  a 
girl,  and  on  the  way  back  home  the  father 
of  the  girl  came  out  with  a  ghost  sheet  over 
him,  with  phosphorus  eyes,  and  scared  me 
into  a  hen  coop,  and  as  I  was  praying  to  die, 
a  negro  with  a  dark  lantern  came  to  steal  the 
chickens,  and  when  he  saw  me  in  the  coop 
he  gave  me  some  chickens  he  had  stolen  from 
another  coop,  and  he  run  one  way  and  I  run 
the  other,  and  I  guess  he  went  around  the 
world  one  way  and  I  the  other,  and  we  met 
last  night  at  the  barbecue,  sure,  and  be 
started  back  around  the  world  the  other  way 
when  my  fireworks  went  off. 

But  I  was  not  as  scared  in  the  hen  coop, 
with  the  ghost  and  the  frightened  negro, 
as  I  was  up  the  tree,  looking-  down  the 
throats  of  the  hyenas,  with  the  lions  howl 
ing  around  sniffing-  at  the  remains  oi  the 


27©  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

barbecue,  and  a  few  tigers  waving  their  tails 
from  side  to  side,  waiting  for  us  to  drop  off 
the  limbs. 

Pa  went  to  sleep  a-straddle  of  a  limb  be 
cause  he  was  tired,  and  the  cowboy  went  to 
sleep  on  another  limb  because  he  was  drunk, 
and  your  little  Hennery  was  on  watch,  cry 
ing  to  be  put  to  bed. 

When  daylight  came  the  animals  slunk 
away  into  the  jungle,  and  when  it  got  light 
enough  I  could  see  black  faces  peering 
through  the  bushes  trying  to  find  out  if  it 
was  safe  to  return,  so  I  woke  Pa  and  the 
cowboy,  and  told  Pa  his  subjects  were  com 
ing  into  camp  to  cut  his  liver  out,  and  toast 
it  on  a  forked  stick,  and  Pa  climbed  down 
from  the  tree  and  kicked  the  fire,  and  as  the 
negroes  began  to  come  nearer  he  said,  "Wel 
come  to  our  beautiful  city." 

Pretty  soon  all  of  the  tribe  returned,  but 
they  did  not  kowtow  to  Pa  like  they  used 
to,  until  the  old  king  showed  up. 

He  was  so  scared  he  was  fairly  pale,  and 


They   Turned   Their  Backs  On  Pa  and  the  Sun. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  271 

he  had  a  grouch  too,  and  Pa  noticed  it,  for  he 
said  to  the  cowboy,  "You  go  and  fill  that  gas 
bag  and  get  ready  to  sail,  because  there  is 
going  to  be  a  mutiny,  and  we  have  got  to 
get  out  of  this  country  pretty  precious,  or 
they  will  eat  us,"  and  the  cowboy  went  to 
work  to  inflate  the  gas  bag. 

Pa  stood  around  trying  to  look  like  a 
saint,  and  he  pointed  to  the  sun,  just  rising 
over  the  hills,  and  got  on  his  knees  to  wor 
ship  the  sun,  and  motioned  for  all  the  tribe 
to  do  likewise,  but  they  turned  their  backs 
on  Pa  and  the  sun,  and  surrounded  the  old 
king  whose  place  Pa  had  usurped,  and  by 
the  motions  they  made  and  the  few  words 
I  could  understand  it  was  evident  they  pro 
posed  to  drive  us  out  of  the  tribe.  The  old 
king  came  to  Pa  and  said  his  tribe  wanted  to 
have  peace  again,  and  wanted  him  to  run 
the  shebang,  and  they  wanted  an  old  fash 
ioned  cannibal  feast,  and  that  they  insisted 
on  eating  Pa  and  the  cowboy  and  myself 
roasted.  Pa  said  all  right,  he  was  willing  to 


272  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

be  roasted  in  the  evening  but  not  in  the 
morning.  He  said  white  meat  always 
tasted  better  in  the  evening,  after  a  ride  up 
in  the  clouds,  and  he  propsed  to  the  old 
king  that  we  all  three,  with  the  king,  take 
a  nice  ride  in  the  sky  cart,  take  along  all 
the  gold  we  had,  and  visit  an  adjoining 
tribe,  buy  all  their  wives,  and  herd  them,  and 
let  the  cowboy  drive  them  back  to  camp  and 
then  they  could  roast  us  and  have  the  time 
of  their  lives. 

This  looked  good  to  the  old  king,  and 
he  went  and  dug  up  all  the  gold  and  dia 
monds  they  had,  and  put  them  in  a  bag, 
which  was  tied  to  the  bamboo  frame  of  the 
airship,  and  after  breakfast  we  got  ready 
to  sail. 

We  fixed  a  sort  of  chair  for  the  king  to 
ride  in,  tied  with  rawhide  to  a  cross  stick 
right  in  front  of  where  the  cowboy  always 
sits,  and  I  heard  Pa  whisper  to  the  cowboy 
that  he  would  head  the  ship  direct  to  the 
coast,  and  when  we  got  away  from  camp  a 


•Take  That  from  Your  Little  Hennery." 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  273 

few  miles,  Pa  would  give  the  signal  and  the 
cowboy  was  to  cut  the  rawhide  rope  and  let 
the  king  take  a  fall  out  of  himself. 

Pa  steered  the  airship  South,  and  occa 
sionally  the  negro  king  would  yell  and  point 
to  the  East,  where  the  tribe  was  located 
whose  wives  we  had  designs  on,  but  Pa  kept 
his  direction,  and  after  running  an  hour  or 
so  we  came  to  a  beautiful  lake  of  blue  water, 
and  Pa  told  the  cowboy  to  get  ready  to 
throw  off  about  two  hundred  pounds  of  dead 
weight.  The  cowboy  said,  "Aye,  aye,  sir/' 
and  got  his  knife  ready.  Pa  let  the  airship 
down  about  fifty  feet  above  the  water 
of  the  lake,  so  the  fall  would  not  kill  the 
negro  king,  and  when  we  got  nearly  across 
the  lake,  Pa  said,  "Cut  the  rope,"  and  the 
cowboy  reached  over  with  his  knife  and  cut 
it,  and  down  went  Mr.  McGinty,  hanging  on 
to  the  rope,  and  turning  over  in  the  air  a 
dozen  times,  and  striking  the  surface  of  the 
lake  with  a  spash  that  shot  the  water  up 
nearly  to  the  airship.  "So  long,  you  sene- 


274  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

gambian  cannibal,"  said  Pa  as  the  king 
struck  the  water,  and  the  airship  shot  up 
about  fifty  feet  higher. 

"Give  my  love  to  forty  or  fifty  of  your 
wives,"  said  the  cowboy  as  he  sheathed  his 
knife.  "Take  that  from  your  little  Hen 
nery,"  says  I  as  I  lit  a  giant  firecracker  and 
threw  it  down  near  him,  where  it  exploded 
like  a  bomb.  And  then  as  we  went  along 
through  the  air  we  watched  him  loosen  him 
self  from  the  chair  and  strike  out  for  the 
shore,  swearing  in  negro  dialect  that  he 
would  eat  us  yet,  without  salt,  and  then  we 
got  out  of  sight  of  the  lake,  laughing  at  our 
escape  and  wondering  where  we  would  land. 

We  sailed  along  for  a  couple  of  hours,  and 
passed  over  villages  of  natives,  but  Pa  said 
he  would  not  take  chances  on  another  nigger 
king,  but  would  run  the  ship  towards  the 
coast  as  long  as  the  gas  held  out,  and  on  we 
went  until  after  midday,  when  the  gas  bag 
began  to  flap  as  though  the  gas  was  escap 
ing,  and  Pa  acted  nearly  crazy,  because  we 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  275 

were  over  a  dense  jungle,  ^filled  with  wild 
animals,  and  not  a  thing  to  eat. 

After  two  o'clock  P.  M.  we  sighted  a 
clearing  ahead,  with  nice  modern  houses,  and 
as  we  got  nearer  we  could  see  herds  of  Jer 
sey  cattle,  and  girafs,  and  horses  and  ele 
phants,  and  the  queerest  mixture  of  wild  life 
and  civilization,  and  the  nearer  we  got  the 
more  it  looked  like  a  Yankee  settlement,  and 
when  Pa  saw  some  automobiles  and  a  ten 
nis  court,  with  men,  women  and  children 
playing  tennis  and  riding  around  in  gaso 
line  and  steam  autos,  and  a  creamery  and 
a  wind  mill  and  an  ice  house,  he  said  that 
was  the  place  he  was  looking  for,  and  he 
pointed  the  airship  for  the  clearing,  and  told 
the  cowboy  to  get  the  anchor  ready. 

The  people  on  the  plantation  saw  the  air 
ship    and    quit    playing    tennis,    the    autos 
pointed  towards  where  we  were  going  to 
land,  and  when  we  threw  out  the  anchor  and 
came  down  to  the  ground  and  made  a  land 
ing  right  on  the  golf  links  near  the  tennis 


276  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

court,  we  were  soon  surrounded  by  twenty 
or  thirty  men,  women  and  children,  and  Pa 
got  out  and  took  off  his  hat  and  made  a  bow 
that  would  have  captured  any  people  of  any 
nationality. 

Pa  was  going  to  speak  to  the  people  in 
French  or  German,  but  a  man  in  riding 
breeches  came  up  and  in  the  purest  English 
said,  "I  beg  pardon,  but  is  this  Mr.  Roose 
velt?'*  and  Pa  said,  "Not  on  your  life,  but 
just  as  good  a  man  all  right." 

The  man  said  he  was  expecting  Mr.  Roose 
velt  but  not  until  after  the  4th  of  March,  but 
he  didn't  know  but  what  he  had  come  a 
little  ahead  of  schedule  time.  Pa  said  he 
was  a  Roosevelt  man  all  right,  though  he'd 
always  been  a  Democrat,  and  that  he  was 
an  American. 

"But  what  are  you  doing  in  Africa?"  said 
the  man  who  seemed  to  be  the  leading  citi 
zen.  "O!"  said  Pa,  as  he  lit  a  cigarette,  "I 
have  been  taking  in  a  large  part  of  Africa, 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  277 

and  just  dropped  down  to  see  if  you  had  any 
news  of  the  election  in  the  United  States." 
The  man  said  he  was  an  American  too, 
and  lived  in  Michigan  when  at  home,  but  he 
came  out  here   for   his   wife's    health,    and 
opened  up  a  little  ranch.    He  said  Taft  was 
elected  all  right,  and  Pa  said  he  thought  it 
would  come  out  that  way,  and  then  the  man 
asked  us  into  the    house,    and    the    others 
crowded  around  our  airship,  and  before  long 
the  cowboy  was  riding  a  polo  pony,  and  I 
was  playing  tennis  with  some  boys  about 
as  big  as  me,  and  Pa  was  drinking  highballs 
and  club  soda,  and  as  the  rum  went  down 
and  we  sat  around  a  regular  dining  table, 
eating    off   of   regular   dishes,  with  knives 
and  forks,  and  listening  to  people  talk  our 
language,  and  laugh  right  out  loud,  the  first 
experience  of  the  kind  we  had  enjoyed  in 
six  months,  and  we  thought  how  only  a  few 
hours  before  we  were  with  a  tribe  of  canni- 
balls,   billed  to   be   eaten  at    sundown,    we 
thought  how  small  the  world  was,  and  joined 
in  the  prayer  offered  by  the  host. 


CHAPTER  XXI. 

We  Spend  a  Couple  of  Days  at  a  Michigan 
Man's  Ranch  in  Darkest  Africa — Pa  and 
the  Cowboys  Take  a  Bath — After  Smok 
ing  about  50  Cigars  Pa  Told  What  Cow 
ards  Lions  and  Tigers  Were — Pa  Walked 
up  to  a  Lion  and  Gave  Him  a  Cut  with  a 
Whip. 

We  have  spent  a  comple  of  days  at  the 
Michigan  man's  ranch  in  Darkest  Africa, 
where  he  has  brought  civilization  right  into 
the  Jungle,  and  after  spending  six  months 
with  negro  savages  and  wild  animals,  and 
menagerie  people,  it  has  been  the  most  en 
joyable  two  days  I  ever  knew. 

It  is  good  sometimes  to  see  ourselves  as 
others  see  us,  and  not  having  looked  into  a 
mirror  for  half  a  year,  we  found  that  we 
were  about  the  most  disreputable  looking 
tourists  that  ever  came  in  sight  of  beds  with 
linen  sheets  on,  and  pillows. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  279 

I  noticed  that  the  family  of  the  Michigan 
man  and  the  servants  looked  at  us  with  sus 
picion,  and  turned  up  their  noses  at  us,  but 
I  never  realized  what  it  was  all  about  until 
they  showed  us  to  our  rooms  that  night, 
when  I  saw  myself  in  a  mirror,  and  found 
that  my  face  and  hands  were  black  with  dirt 
and  smoke,  my  clothes  were  greasy  and 
patched  with  buckskin  patches,  sewed  on 
with  strips  of  rawhide,  and  my  torn  coat 
was  pinned  together  with  thorns.  I  could 
see  Pa  and  the  cowboy  all  the  time,  and 
knew  that  they  looked  like  tramps,  but  I 
thought  I  was  all  right. 

The  Michigan  man  showed  us  to  our 
rooms,  after  Pa  and  the  cowboy  had  drank 
a  few  quarts  of  highballs,  and  they  were 
going  to  go  to  bed  with  their  clothes  on,  but 
I  knew  they  would  ruin  the  beds  if  they  did, 
so  I  insisted  that  we  all  get  in  the  bath  tubs 
and  take  our  semi-annual  bath,  and  as  the 
man  left  us  he  said  we  could  find  clothes  to 
put  on  in  the  morning,  in  a  closet,  and  to 


280  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

leave  our  clothes  out  in  the  hall  and  he 
would  have  a  servant  take  them  away  with 
the  tongs  and  burn  them  in  the  furnace. 

That  sobered  Pa  and  the  cowboy  a  little, 
and  they  decided  to  try  the  baths. 

Well,  we  didn't  do  a  thing  to  the  running 
water,  and  before  we  retired  we  had  washed 
ourselves  so  clean,  with  real  soap,  the  first 
we  had  seen  since  we  left  Germany,  that  Pa 
and  the  cowboy  had  to  be  introduced  to 
each  other,  and  I  was  so  clean  that  I  didn't 
know  myself,  and  we  put  on  pajamas  that 
we  found  in  the  room,  and  crawled  into  the 
clean  beds  and  slept  till  morning,  after  put 
ting  all  of  our  clothes  out  of  the  room,  to 
purify  the  air. 

In  the  morning  we  dressed  up  in  the 
clothes  the  Michigan  man  told  us  we  would 
find  in  the  closet,  and  such  a  transformation 
was  never  seen  before. 

Pa  found  a  pair  of  gray  pants  and  a  frock 
coat,  and  a  silk  hat,  and  when  he  was  dressed 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  281 

and  had  on  a  white  shirt  he  looked  like  a 
senator  from  South  Carolina. 

The  cowboy  found  a  golf  suit,  with  short 
pants,  long  socks,  and  putty  leggins,  and  a 
Tarn  o'  Shanter  cap,  and  he  looked  like  an 
escaped  Scotchman,  while  I  found  a  Buster 
Brown  suit  that  fit  me,  and  all  I  wanted  was 
a  dog  to  be  complete,  and  we  went  down  to 
breakfast,  and  made  a  hit,  the  family  acting 
as  though  they  were  proud  to  have  us  in 
their  midst. 

During  breakfast  they  all  drew  Pa  out, 
and  he  told  them  of  his  experiences  cap 
turing  wild  animals  in  Africa,  and  explor 
ing  the  country,  and  being  made  king  of  a 
tribe,  and  they  called  Pa  "Your  Highness," 
and  Pa  lied  enough  about  his  adventures  to 
send  him  over  the  road  for  disorderly  con 
duct. 

The  women  drew  out  the  cowboy,  and  he 
lied  some  on  his  own  account,  and  the  chil 
dren  got  me  to  going,  and  you  know  how  it 
is  with  me  when  I  get  to  going. 


282  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

When  the  breakfast  was  over  we  were  all 
heroes,  and  Pa  pulled  out  a  handful  of  un 
cut  diamonds  and  spread  them  on  the  table 
by  his  plate,  and  gave  each  one  a  diamond 
as  big  as  a  hickory  nut,  and  left  a  lot  of 
smaller  ones  on  the  table  with  the  bread 
crumbs  for  the  servants,  and  when  we  left 
the  table  the  whole  family  bowed  low  to  us, 
and  stood  back  until  the  king  and  the  cow 
boy  and  I  had  passed  out  on  to  the  veranda. 

Gee,  but  they  seemed  to  think  King  Ed 
ward  wouldn't  be  ace  high  to  Pa,  and  Pa 
swelled  up  so  I  thought  he  might  bust. 

After  smoking  some  fifty  cigars,  Pa  told 
of  what  cowards  lions  and  tigers  were,  and 
how  he  could  take  a  riding  whip  and  chase  a 
lion  up  a  tree,  and  the  Michigan  man  pro 
posed  to  have  an  exhibit  of  his  wild  animals, 
which  he  kept  in  his  private  forest  outside 
of  the  clearing.  He  had  a  race  track  in  the 
clearing  next  to  the  forest,  and  told  Pa  that 
every  morning  his  herders  turned  a  lot  of 
lions,  giraffes,  rhinoceroses  and  zebras  into 


/2Y* 

Pa  Swelled  Up  So   I   Thought  He  Might  Bust. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  283 

the  track,  and  the  family  chased  them 
around  the  track  in  automobiles,  and  Pa  said 
he  would  like  to  enter  into  such  a  race,  and 
the  man  ordered  the  herders  to  turn  in  the 
animals. 

The  cowboy  wanted  a  saddle  horse  and  a 
lariat  rope,  and  they  fixed  him  out,  and 
when  the  herders  announced  that  the  ani 
mals  were  on  the  track  all  right,  we  got  into 
the  waiting  autos,  the  man  and  Pa  lit  cigars 
and  sat  on  the  front  seat  with  the  chauffeur, 
and  some  of  us  got  in  the  back  seats  and 
started  out. 

When  the  animals  saw  us  coming  they 
started  down  the  home  stretch,  and  the  auto 
gave  chase,  and  we  yelled  and  fired  guns  in 
the  air,  and  the  chauffeur  put  a  charge  of 
bird  shot  into  the  hind  hams  of  a  lion  that 
didn't  seem  to  be  in  much  of  a  hurry,  and 
the  lion  turned  on  us,  and  Pa  told  the  chauf 
feur  to  stop  and  he  would  settle  with  the 
lion. 

Pa  f«t  eut  with  a  herse  whip  and  started 


284  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

for  the  lion,  which  gave  a  roar  like  distant 
thunder,  and  as  I  looked  at  Pa  with  the  frock 
coat  and  silk  hat,  walking  towards  the  lion 
I  thought  that  was  the  last  of  Pa,  and  begged 
him  to  come  back,  but  he  said,  "Never  you 
mind  me,  I  have  seen  lions  before,"  and  Pa 
walked  up  to  the  lion  and  gave  him  a  cut 
with  the  whip,  and  yelled,  "Get  back  into  the 
jungle,  you  Tom  Cat." 

Well,  really,  that  lion  ought  to  have 
turned  and  put  his  tail  between  his  legs 
and  galloped  for  the  woods,  but  Pa  had 
made  a  mistake  in  his  lion,  for  the  animal 
went  up  to  Pa  and  took  a  mouthful  of  his 
pants,  and  shook  him  like  a  dog  would  shake 
a  rat,  and  Pa  yelled  for  them  to  take  away 
their  lion  if  they  didn't  want  the  animal  in 
jured. 

The  animal  rolled  Pa  over  on  the  ground 
in  the  dust,  chewed  his  silk  hat,  and  Pa  got 
loose  and  made  a  rush  for  the  auto  and 
crawled  under  it  to  fix  something,  and  just 
then  the  cowboy  came  along  on  a  pony  and 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  285 

threw  his  lariat  over  the  lion's  head  and 
pulled  him  away  across  the  track,  and  Pa 
came  out  from  under  the  machine  and  took  a 
big  monkey-wrench  and  started  again  for 
the  lion,  bareheaded,  and  so  mad  he  fairly 
frothed  at  the  mouth,  after  he  saw  the  lion 
was  choked  nearly  to  death,  and  then  Pa 
mauled  the  apparently  dead  lion  until  the 
cowboy  dismounted  from  the  pony  and  gave 
his  lariat  rope  back. 

Pa  gave  the  lion  a  couple  of  kicks,  and 
got  back  into  the  auto,  and  the  Michigan 
man  patted  him  on  the  back  and  said,  "Old 
man,  you  are  a  king  of  beasts,  sure  enough ;" 
and  Pa  said,  "O,  I  don't  know;  I  never  did 
like  a  cowardly  lion,  no  how." 

We  chased  some  more  animals  around  the 
track,  and  the  Michigan  man  said  he  hoped 
the  toothless  old  lion  would  not  die,  as  he 
was  saving  him  for  Roosevelt  to  practice  on 
when  he  came  to  the  ranch  after  the  4th  of 
March. 

The  cowboy  went  across  the  field  where  a 


286  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

tame  giraffe  was  grazing  in  a  tree  top,  and 
took  the  saddle  off  his  pony  and  put  it  on 
the  giraffe,  and  we  run  up  to  where  he  was, 
and  the  Michigan  man  asked  him  what  he 
was  going  to  do,  and  he  said  he  was  going 
to  ride  the  giraffe,  as  he  had  ridden  almost 
everything  that  walked  on  four  legs  except 
a  giraffe. 

The  Michigan  man  told  him  he  had  better 
leave  the  giraffe  out  of  his  repertoire,  be 
cause  a  giraffe  was  mighty  uncertain,  but 
the  cowboy  got  the  saddle  on,  and  climbed 
into  it,  and  then  the  trouble  began. 

The  giraffe  didn't  have  any  bridle  on,  and 
no  mane  to  hold  on  to,  and  he  was  built  so 
that  the  saddle  slipped  down  by  his  rump, 
and  when  the  animal  turned  around  and  saw 
he  had  the  cowboy  where  he  wanted  him,  he 
started  off  towards  the  forest  on  a  hop,  skip 
and  a  jump,  kicking  up  his  heels  like  a  buck 
ing  broncho,  and  the  last  we  saw  of  the  ex 
pedition  the  giraffe  had  jumped  over  a  wire 
fence  and  took  to  the  woods,  with  the  cow- 


The  Giraffe  Didn't  Have  Any  Bridle  On— and  No    Mane    to     Hold    On    To. 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  287 

boy  dangling  by  one  stirrup,  swearing  in  the 
Wyoming  dialect. 

Then  we  went  back  to  the  house  to  play 
golf,  and  the  Michigan  man  sent  some  serv 
ants  into  the  woods  with  a  strecher  to  bring 
in  the  remains  of  the  cowboy. 

As  we  dismounted  at  the  veranda,  Pa  lit 
a  cigarette  and  said  to  the  man,  "You  cer 
tainly  have  all  the  comforts  of  a  home  here, 
and  all  the  facilities  for  enjoyment  that  any 
body  has  outside  of  a  traveling  menagerie, 
except  draw  poker." 

"We  can  fix  you  all  right  on  the  draw 
poker,"  said  the  Michigan  man. 

"Boy,  bring  the  chips  and  the  cards,  and 
let  me  know  when  they  find  the  remains  of 
Mr.  Cowboy,"  and  they  began  to  play  poker, 
and  I  went  out  to  see  them  milk  a  Jersey 
cow. 


CHAPTER  XXII. 

Pa  and  the  Boy  Have  a  Series  of  Ups  and 
Downs — Pa  Plays  Poker  with  the  Michi 
gan  Man  and  Loses  All  His  Money — Pa 
Puts  Up  His  Airship  and  Loses — Pa  and 
the  Boy  Start  for  Hamburg-— The  Boy 
Makes  a  King's  Crown  Out  of  Tin — The 
Boy  Tells  How  They  Escaped  from  the 
Negro  Tribes  in  Africa. 

It  seems  to  be  just  one  series  of  ups  and 
downs  with  Pa  and  I.  One  day  we  are  kings 
and  things,  and  the  next  day,  we  are  just 
things  and  not  kings,  or  ninespots,  or  any 
thing  in  the  deck,  except  it's  Jacks. 

That  short  stay  at  the  ranch  of  the  Mich 
igan  man  in  Africa,  which  seemed  like  being 
set  down  from  hades  in  Darkest  Africa  to 
Heaven  in  America,  terminated  just  as 
everything  else  does  with  us. 

After  we  had  enjoyed  the  morning  with 
the  wild  animals  on  the  race  track,  Pa  and 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  289 

the  Michigan  man  set  into  a  game  of  draw 
poker  with  some  other  sharps  and  the  cow- 
hoy,  and  they  must  have  stacked  the  cards 
on  Pa  and  the  cowboy,  for  before  night  they 
had  got  all  Pa's  money  away,  and  the  cow 
boy  was  burst,  too,  and  in  the  evening  Pa 
put  the  airship  up  against  the  creamery  and 
ft  drove  of  Jerseys,  and  Pa  lost  the  airship, 
and  then  Pa  gave  checks  on  a  bank  in  the 
River  Nile,  and  lost  all  the  checks,  and  about 
a  pint  of  the  diamonds,  and  when  we  went 
to  bed  the  Michigan  man  said  he  hated  to 
part  with  us,  but  if  we  must  go  he  would 
send  us  over  to  Lake  Victoria  Nigouza, 
where  we  could  take  a  steamer  for  Ham 
burg. 

We  didn't  sleep  much  that  night,  and  the 
next  morning  the  auto  was  at  the  door,  and 
we  took  what  little  stuff  Pa  had  not  lost 
playing  poker,  and  crossed  the  country  to 
the  lake,  at  a  town'  where  Pa  sold  some  of 
his  uncut  diamonds  for  money  enough  to 
pay  for  our  passage  to  Hamburg,  and  we  got 


29o  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

on  board  the  vessel  and  got  into  our  state 
rooms. 

Just  before  we  were  ready  to  start  an  offi 
cer  came  on  board  looking  for  two  white 
men  who  had  been  giving  checks  that  were 
no  good,  and  for  selling  diamonds  that  would 
not  wash. 

I  heard  about  it,  and  there  was  such  a 
crowd  that  the  vesselmen  did  not  remember 
Pa  and  the  cowboy,  but  they  said  the  offi 
cers  could  search  the  vessel  if  they 
wanted  to. 

I  went  to  the  state  room  and  told  Pa  and 
he  turned  pale,  and  trembled  like  a  leaf,  and 
the  brave  cowboy  had  a  fit.  They  were 
scared  at  the  prospect  of  being  taken  ashore 
and  put  in  an  English  jail,  and  Pa  sweat  so 
he  looked  like  a  hippopotamus  sweating 
blood. 

Pa  said  they  were  up  a  stump,  and  asked 
me  if  I  could  think  of  anything  to  help  them 
out.  I  told  Pa  the  only  thing  for  us  to  do 
was  to  take  a  burned  cork  and  black  up,  and 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  291 

pretend  that  Pa  was  an  African  king,  on  the 
ivay  to  England  to  have  a  conference  with 
King  Edward  about  tribal  affairs. 

Gee,  but  Pa  and  the  cowboy  bit  like  a  bass 
and  I  got  a  champagne  cork  and  burned 
it  over  the  lamp  and  went  to  work  bleaching 
us  all  up,  and  in  half  an  hour  we  were  three 
of  the  blackest  niggers  that  ever  emigrated 
from  Africa.  I  even  blacked  the  place  on 
Pa's  leg  where  the  lion  had  chewed  a  hole 
through  his  pants. 

We  looked  at  ourselves  in  the  mirror,  and 
inspected  each  other,  and  couldn't  find  a 
white  spot,  and  then  I  told  Pa  what  to  do 
when  the  officers  of  the  law  came. 

He  was  to  be  seated  in  state,  on  a  high 
chair,  looking  like  a  nigger  king,  and  the 
cowboy  and  I  were  to  get  down  on  our  knees 
before  him  and  kowtow. 

I  got  a  crown  made  out  of  a  tin  basin,  and 
a  feather  duster  for  a  plume,  and  fixed  Pa 
up  so  that  any  tribe  would  have  gone  wild 
over  him. 


292  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

Just  as  we  got  Pa  fixed  up,  and  we  had 
all  stopped  laughing,  there  was  a  knock  at 
the  door  of  the  state  room,  and  I  opened  it, 
and  two  semi-Englishmen  came  in  looking 
for  Pa  and  the  cowboy,  but  when  I  waved 
my  hand  and  said,  "Behold  the  King  of 
Natabeland,"  and  the  cowboy  bit  the  duster 
and  saluted  Pa,  and  Pa  looked  savage  and 
said  in  broken  negro,  "What,  ho!  varlets," 
the  officers  said,  "Beg  pardon,  don't  you 
know,  your  'ighness,"  and  they  backed  out 
of  the  door,  making  salaams,  and  soon  dis 
appeared.  Gee,  it  was  a  close  call. 

Soon  after  the  engine  began  to  turn  the, 
screw  of  the  propeller,  and  when  we  looked 
out  of  the  porthole  the  vessel  was  going  to 
wards  the  ocean,  and  when  I  told  Pa  he  got 
down  off  his  throne  and  danced  a  jig  and 
hugged  the  cowboy,  and  we  were  having  a 
jollification  when  there  was  another  rap  at 
the  door,  and  Pa  jumped  up  on  the  throne 
and  put  on  his  tin  basin  crown,  and  I  opened 
the  door,  and  the  steward  of  the  vesael  came 


Tber,   WM  a 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  293 

in  with  his  .hat  in  his  hands,  and  asked  Pa 
what  he  would  have  for  supper.  Pa  said  he 
didn't  care  what  he  had  if  he  only  got  it 
quick,  and  the  steward  said  mostly  when 
they  were  carrying  African  kings  to  Eng 
land  they  served  the  meals  in  the  state 
rooms,  as  the  kings  did  not  care  to  sit  at 
the  same  table  with  the  common  herd,  and 
Pa  said  that  suited  him  all  right,  and  the 
steward  added  that  the  passengers  also  com 
plained  of  the  manners  of  the  African  kings, 
and  the  smell  that  they  emitted  in  the  cabin. 
Pa  was  going  to  get  hot  at  that  remark, 
but  I  was  afraid  the  burnt  cork  would  rub 
off,  so  I  said  His  Highness  would  be  served 
in  his  state  room,  and  to  bring  the  best  the 
ship  offered,  and  brmg  it  quick  if  he  didr.'t 
want  trouble  aboard,  and  he  bowed  low  and 
went  out,  and  pretty  soon  the  waiters  began 
to  bring  in  oysters  and  soup  and  turkey  and 
boiled  pheasants,  and  ice  cream,  and  we 
kings  and  things  didn't  do  a  thing  to  the 
food,  and  when  the  dishes  were  taken  away 


294  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

empty,  and  the  wine  had  been  drank,  and 
the  cigars  brought  in,  King  Pa  got  down 
from  his  throne  and  just  yelled,  and  he  said 
to  the  cowboy,  "Say,  Alkali  Ike,  wouldn't 
this  skin  you?"  and  Ike  said  he  guessed  it 
would  when  they  found  out  what  frauds  we 
were,  and  after  awhile  we  turned  in  and 
slept  just  like  we  were  at  home. 

For  several  days  they  fed  us  like  they  were 
fattening  us  for  a  sausage  factory,  and  the 
ocean  was  blue  and  calm,  and  we  were  let 
out  on  deck  near  our  state  room  for  exercise, 
and  I  kept  burning  cork  and  keeping  us  all 
blacked  up  nice,  and  Pa  would  repeat  Afri 
can  words  that  he  had  picked  up,  mixed 
with  English  words,  and  everybody  kept 
their  distance  and  thought  we  were  the  real 
nigger  thing. 

Well,  everything  was  going  along  beauti 
fully,  and  we  thought  we  had  never  struck 
such  a  snap  in  all  our  lives,  until  about  the 
fifth  day. 

We  had  eaten  so  much  that  our 


Pretty  *«••  tfee  Ship's  Doctor     Came     With     a 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  295 

had  gone,  and  Pa  and  the  cowboy  took  to 
drinking  more  and  more,  and  one  night  it 
began  to  blow,  and  the  vessel  was  part  of 
the  time  on  one  end  and  then  on  the  other, 
and  then  rolling  from  side  to  side,  so  that 
Pa  couldn't  sit  on  his  throne  without  side 
boards,  and  towards  morning  we  all  got  sea 
sick  and  fell  all  over  the  state  room,  and  Pa 
had  a  pain  under  his  belt  that  doubled  him 
up  like  a  jackknife,  and  he  yelled  for  a  doc 
tor.  I  told  him  never  to  send  for  a  doctor 
until  the  boat  tied  up  at  a  dock,  because  it 
was  dangerous,  but  Pa  said  he  had  to  have  a 
doctor,  and  the  cowboy  had  drank  a  bottle 
of  Scotch  whiskey  and  had  laid  down  under 
a  bunk,  and  he  was  no  good,  so  I  rang  for 
the  ship's  doctor,  but  I  told  Pa  he  must 
keep  the  parts  of  his  body  that  were  not 
black  covered  up,  or  the  doctor  would  find 
out  he  was  a  white  man,  and  then  it  would 
be  all  off  in  the  nigger  king  masquerade. 

Pretty  soon  the  ship's  doctor  came  with  a 
female  trained  nurse,  and  Pa  was  a  pitiiai 


2g6  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

sight  when  he  saw  them.  The  doctor  felt  of 
Pa's  pulse,  and  asked  him  where  the  pain 
was,  and  Pa,  like  a  darn  fool,  put  his  hand 
on  his  stomach,  and  before  Pa  could  stop  it 
the  doctor  had  opened  Pa's  shirt,  and  was 
feeling  where  the  appendix  gets  in  its  work. 

It  was  a  little  dark,  but  the  doctor  said, 
"You  old  seney  ambion,  you  have  got  about 
the  worst  case  of  appendicitis  that  was  ever 
pulled  off  on  this  vessel.  Boy,  bring  me  that 
lantern." 

I  hated  to  do  it,  because  I  knew  Pa  would 
be  discovered,  and  I  delayed  bringing  the 
lantern  as  long  as  I  could,  but,  turning  the 
wick  down,  but  the  doctor  snatched  a  match 
so  he  could  see  Pa's  stomach,  and  then  he 
said,  "Say,  old  skate,  you  are  no  more  nig 
ger  king  than  I  am;  you  are  a  white  man 
blacked  up;"  and  the  trained  nurse  said, 
"The  'ell  you  say,"  and  then  I  got  the 
lantern  and  they  looked  at  Pa' s  white 
skin,  and  the  doctor  asked  Pa  what  he 
had  to  say  for  himself,  and  Pa  admitted 


IN  AN  AIRSHIP  297 

that  he  was  a  white  man,  but  said  he 
had  many  of  the  estimable  qualities  of 
a  nigger,  but  that  he  was  traveling  in 
cog,  to  throw  his  enemies  off  the  track, 
and  then  Pa  fainted  away  from  the  pain,  and 
the  cowboy  got  sober  enough  to  wake  up 
and  take  notice,  and  we  told  the  doctor  who 
we  were,  and  how  we  had  escaped  from 
negro  tribes  and  draw  poker  sharps  and  offi 
cers  of  the  law,  and  the  cowboy  fell  in  love 
at  first  sight  with  the  trained  nurse,  and  then 
Pa  came  to,  with  the  aid  of  a  bucket  of  water 
and  some  whiskey,  and  the  storm  went 
down,  and  the  doctor  said  Pa  would  have  to 
have  an  operation  performed  to  remove  his 
appendix,  and  Pa  kicked  about  it,  but  they 
took  him  to  the  ship's  hospital,  with  the 
cowboy  for  an  assistant  nurse,  and  I  was 
left  alone  in  our  state  room,  the  only  king 
there  was  left,  and  when  I  washed  off  my 
burnt  cork  I  was  so  white  and  pale  that  they 
gave  me  medicine,  and  the  trained  nurse 
held  me  on  her  lap  and  sang  English  songs 


298  PECK'S  BAD  BOY 

to  me,  with  all  the  h's  left  out,  and  every 
day  she  told  me  how  they  removed  Pa's  ap 
pendix,  and  it  was  swollen  up  bigger  than 
a  weiner  sausage,  but  that  he  would  live  all 
right,  and  when  he  got  well  enough  the  cap 
tain  would  put  Pa  in  irons  for  passing  him 
self  off  for  a  nigger  king,  and  that  he  would 
probably  be  transported  for  life,  if  he 
couldn't  raise  the  price  of  a  ransom.  And 
there  you  are. 


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